


Bundle of Joy

by tuppenny



Series: Growing Together [7]
Category: Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken
Genre: F/M, I cut off before the sex happens but it's glaringly obvious that that's where things are headed, and if you are worried shoot me a message and I'll spill the beans :), but if you've been okay with my other stuff you'll be okay with this, discussion of parental death and sibling death, rated T for language and adult situations, so skip the 2nd half of chapter 3 if you need/want to, there's some other stuff I'm not tagging bc it gives away plot points
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-14
Updated: 2018-03-23
Packaged: 2019-03-04 21:43:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 39,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13373643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tuppenny/pseuds/tuppenny
Summary: The Kelly baby fic you have been so patiently waiting for!





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the idea of having children is discussed several different times in several different ways.

**Prologue**

**November 1905**

 

Katherine awoke to the feel of Jack’s soft lips on her neck. “Mmm,” she said, closing her eyes again and letting him continue.

“Mornin’, macushla,” he said, his voice a little croaky from disuse.

She made a noise and stretched a hand across to his side of the bed, which he grabbed and held to his chest. She sighed with contentment and smiled slowly as he moved back in to kiss down her neck and across her collarbone. 

“What a nice way to wake up,” she said, her voice thick. It had been a long week, and she was having trouble shaking off the muzzy feeling of being half-asleep.

“Yeah?” Jack paused to brush a strand of hair from her forehead, admiring the way the morning light played across her pale skin.

“Mhmm,” she said, rolling sideways to face him. She opened her eyes and was met with a smile from her dark, unshaven husband, his lips rosy from the pressure of kissing her. “Oh, you’re beautiful,” she murmured, leaning in to press a kiss to his broad nose.

His eyes crinkled in contentment, and they lay like that for a while, savoring the warmth of each other and watching the sunlight shift across the heavy down comforter.

“Katherine?” Jack said after a while, rubbing his thumb over her left hand, which was still clasped to his chest.

“Yes?” 

“Can we... can we have a child?”

She blinked and pulled her hand back. “What? You mean... now?”

He nodded, reaching out to stroke her cheek. “I want to start a family with you, macushla. I want our redheaded sons and bright-eyed daughters running down the hallway and falling asleep in our arms. I want their noise and chaos and laughter and love." He took a deep breath and looked her right in the eyes. "I’m ready, Katherine. I want children.”

Katherine sucked in a breath and scanned his face. They’d been married over a year at this point and hadn’t broached the topic since well before the wedding, so she supposed she oughtn’t to be surprised, but she was. She felt like someone had filled her stomach with ice. “Jack, I…” She started, unsure of how to respond. She bit her lip and shook her head. “I… I don’t think I’m ready. I haven’t… it hasn’t crossed my mind at all, and I just…” She worried her teeth across her lower lip, using the sharp rasp of it to counteract the cold dread in her stomach. “We’re still so young,” she offered, phrasing it almost as a question. 

“We’re twenty-four,” he said. “That’s plenty old enough for children.” 

She sat up and hugged her knees. “There’s so much I want to do still, and kids would take that all away from me, Jack, I—once I have kids, it’s done, it’s all done, everything I’ve worked for, everything we’ve built, I—” She looked at him, stricken. “No one will take me seriously as a reporter once I get pregnant, and then I’ll have to stay home with the baby, and you’ll be gone all day while I sit here getting fat and boring, and—” She shook her head frantically. “Have you _seen_ the women in the tenements, Jack? _Have_ you? They’ve been sucked dry! They’ve got nothing left but their babies—no personality, no independence, no _life._ Nothing to call their own. They’re _trapped_.” She tried to blink back her tears, but they fell anyway. “And you _say_ you want noise and chaos, Jack, but as soon as we have a baby screaming us awake at all hours of the night then you’ll realize that you don’t, not like you thought you did, and then you’ll look at me and see how _old_ I’ve gotten, how worn and gray and weary, and then you’ll leave me, you’ll leave me alone with a baby and I… I can't....” She collapsed into sobs and hid her face in her hands. 

“Macushla!” Jack said, eyes wide, sitting up and immediately wrapping her in his strong arms. “It’s okay, darlin’, it’s _okay_ , alright? We don’t hafta have kids right now. It’s okay. Shhhh, shhhh,” he soothed, rocking her back and forth. “I promise you I ain’t never gonna leave you. You’re my angel, love, you’re the light of my life, an’ I ain’t never gonna leave ya. I don’t care what you look like, I don’t care what you do—I’m with you ‘til one of us gets old an’ wrinkly an’ croaks. Heck, even death prob'ly won't be enough ta get rid of me.” He kissed the top of her head. “Okay?” Katherine began to quiet, and Jack tugged her hands away from her face to look her straight in the eyes. “Okay?” 

“Okay,” she said, taking shuddering breaths. 

“Okay.” He kissed her forehead and then pulled back to hold her gaze again. “And when you _are_ ready for kids, when that day comes, then we will be doing this _together_. I _swear_ it. I can’t fix what the world thinks of you when you’re pregnant, but I promise you that I will do everything I can ta make sure you get ta keep bein’ a reporter, okay? The world needs your stories, Katherine Plumber, and I’ll be damned if I screw that up just for some tyke I ain’t never met. You are _not_ going to do this alone, love. I mean it. On my honor.” He raised his eyebrows and chucked her under the chin. “You got that, girlie?”

She gave a wobbly laugh and nodded. “Got it.” 

*

 

**September 1906**

 

Katherine was sitting at her desk in the living room, typing away, when she heard the front door click and the sounds of Jack taking off his boots and settling his art satchel on the floor.

“How was your day, love?” She called, pushing her chair back and moving into the hallway to greet him.

“Good,” he said, hanging his cap on a hook by the door and reaching to smooth his hair down. 

“Class go alright?”

“Yeah,” he said, unbuttoning his coat. “They had us doin’ still lifes for about the millionth time, an’ that was a bore, but when Alford did his walk-around he told me I was makin’ good progress.” Jack beamed. “He said he thinks I got real potential, Ace! And _then_ he said that if I wanna put on a show someday then he’d help, an’ he hasn’t offered that ta anyone else, so I… uh…” Jack saw the delight spreading across Katherine’s face and blushed; he hadn’t meant to brag. “Um. So.” He rolled his shoulders and ducked his head. “So yeah. It was good,” he finished lamely, unwinding his scarf and looking anywhere but at Katherine.

“That’s fantastic!” She wrapped her arms around him and gave him a peck on the cheek. “I’m so proud of you, dear heart!” She grinned up at him, her nose scrunched in pure happiness, and caressed his cheek. “Have I told you today that I love you, you brilliant, professionally qualified artist?”

“I ain’t professionally qualified yet,” Jack said, his blush spreading from his cheeks down to his neck. “I gotta graduate first.”

“Semantics,” Katherine said with a wave of her hand as she disappeared into the kitchen and started to unwrap the food she’d picked up at the deli on the way home. 

“I had lunch with Bug today,” Jack said, following her into the kitchen and pulling out his chair at the table.

Katherine sliced up a couple of apples and set them on the table next to the green beans and roast chicken. “That’s nice. How is he?”

Katherine had somehow never met the little former newsie who’d helped Jack evade a particularly murderous gangster a few years ago, but Jack saw him all the time, seeing as the child worked as a messenger boy at _The World_ now. They had lunch together a few times a month; Jack liked to check in with the kid, make sure he was eating regularly and staying out of trouble. 

“He’s good,” Jack replied, brushing his nose. 

Katherine noted the gesture, which usually meant that Jack was nervous or deflecting, and raised an eyebrow. “What?”

Jack swallowed hard and waited for her to take her seat. “He… Uh, I really enjoyed spendin’ time with him, ya know?”

“He’s a good kid,” she said, and dished some green beans onto his plate before spooning the rest onto hers. They sat in silence for a minute, eating vegetables, and then she rolled her eyes. “Come on, Jack. I know you’ve got something on your mind; I can practically see the wheels turning. What is it?”

Jack laid down his fork and reached across the table to place his hand on top of hers. “I’m ready for kids, Ace,” he said, his tone firm. “I want a baby.”

Katherine closed her eyes and bit her lower lip, resisting the urge to yank her hand away. “Jack,” she said softly, feeling his pulse hammering against her fingers. “I… No. I’m still not ready.”

He withdrew his hand and she opened her eyes to face his disappointment. He looked just as sad as she’d expected, and her heart gave a twinge. A good half of her wished she’d said she wanted children now, too, but… well, she didn’t. And there was nothing she could do about that.

Jack shifted in his chair and asked, “Will ya… Will ya at least think about it?”

“I have,” she said, meeting his eyes briefly before staring down at her plate. 

“ _When_?” He asked, his voice cracking a little. “Ya didn’t even pause just now.”

“I visited Sarah and Avram last week,” she said, frustration starting to creep into her voice. “Their baby was adorable, but all I could think of when I left was how glad I was that she wasn’t mine.” She leaned forward and held Jack’s gaze. “I want children someday, Jack, I really do, but I don’t want them just yet. I know that you do, and I know that you’ve been ready for a while now, but I’m not. I need more time. I love our life, I love my work, I love having you all to myself, and I’m not ready for a baby to change all that. I’m sorry.” She sighed. “I wish that I were ready, or maybe I wish that you weren’t, but…” She shook her head. “I’m sorry, Jack. I don’t want to have a baby right now—and I don’t know when that feeling will change, either. All I know is that I need more time.”

“Okay,” Jack said, rubbing the back of his neck and reaching to pull the napkin from his lap and lay it on the table. “I, uh… I’m gonna take an early night, I think,” he said, standing up to leave the kitchen.

“I really am sorry,” Katherine said, biting her lip.

“Ya don’t have ta be sorry,” Jack said fiercely, whipping around to face her. “It’s not like you’re doin’ this ta be mean; it’s just how you feel, an’ you can’t help that.” He laid a hand over his stomach to steady himself, one of his many habitual, unconscious gestures that Katherine had grown to know and love. “I don’t want you ta feel bad about this, because why should you? You don’t ever hafta be ashamed ta tell me how ya feel, Ace—I always want you to be honest with me. _Always_.” He furrowed his brows and stared at her intently. “Even when it’s hard.” He gave a short laugh. “ _Especially_ when it’s hard. So yeah, I want kids now, but not if you don’t; we’ve gotta be on the same page about this.”

“Are you skipping dinner because you’re mad at me?” She asked, sounding small.

“No!” He smacked the door frame, making her jump. “No,” he said quietly, clearly apologetic for having startled her. “There’s nothing to be mad about. I’m sad, that’s all, an’ I don’t wanna take that out on you.” He gave her a lopsided smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “Give me a little time to myself, and I’ll be right as rain in the morning,” he reassured her.

“Okay,” she said, giving him a nod and a weak smile. “Sleep tight.”

“Yeah,” he said, returning her nod and turning to leave. “See ya in the mornin’, darlin’.”

*

 

**April 1907**

 

“So, what’s the big news?” Jack reached for another muffin and looked from Crutchie to Rosie, who’d invited Jack and Katherine over for dinner ‘to celebrate’ and then refused to explain what, exactly, they would be celebrating.

Crutchie broke into a huge smile and reached to hold Rosie’s hand. “You wanna tell them or should I?”

“You,” Rosie said, smiling shyly and looking down at her lap.

“We’re having a baby!” Crutchie beamed so broadly that it looked as if his face might split in two.

“ _What?_ ” Jack yelped, springing up from the table. “Shit, Crutchie! You’re having a _baby_!” He knocked his chair over in his haste to go hug his oldest friend and slap him on the back. “A _baby_ ,” he said in wonder, peering over Crutchie’s shoulder at Rosie, who looked exactly the same as she always had, petite and curly-haired, neatly dressed and unassuming. He’d never have guessed she was _pregnant_. “Congratulations, you two,” he said, shaking Crutchie’s shoulder and grinning at Rosie.

“Thank you,” Rosie said, her dark eyes sparkling.

Jack looked across the table to Katherine, who was still seated, and felt a pang in his chest at the pure panic in her eyes. He saw her push her fear down as soon as she noticed that he was looking, though, and then she, too, stood to come hug both Crutchie and Rosie. 

“I’m so happy for you,” she said, wrapping her arms around Rosie. “What wonderful news!” She kissed Crutchie on the cheek and turned back to Rosie. “When are you due? How long have you known? What color are you painting the nursery? Tell me everything!”

Rosie dimpled. “October,” she said, laying a hand to her stomach. “So it’s still early days yet, but we wanted you to be the first to know.”

Katherine crossed back to Rosie and held her hands. “You are going to be a wonderful mother,” she said sincerely, “And I can’t wait to meet your little one.”

 

*

 

“Don’t ask, Jack,” Katherine said darkly as they walked home to their apartment.

“Ask what?” He said, confused.

“About having kids.”

“I didn’t say anything!” He protested.

“You didn’t have to,” she said bitterly, crossing her arms over her chest. “I saw the way you were looking at Rosie, like she was some kind of Madonna on earth.”

“Katherine,” he said, his exasperation clear. “I was _happy_ for her.” 

“You were _jealous_ ,” she accused, fixing him with a glare.

He threw his hands up in the air. “Fine, so I was jealous! I want kids—you know that! It’s not like it’s a secret!”

“You resent me for not wanting them yet—you hate that it’s just you and me!” She snapped.

“What do you want me to say, Katherine?” He asked, removing his cap and running his fingers through his hair.

“I want you to tell me I’m wrong, that you don't feel that way!” She wailed.

He sighed. “Look, Kath. I want children. I’ve wanted them for years. You _know_ that. But you don’t, and that’s that.”

Her jaw dropped. “You _do_ hate our life!” 

Jack gritted his teeth. “I didn’t _say_ that!”

“As good as!” She sped up to walk ahead of him. 

He trotted to catch up. “I did _not_! I love you, I love us, and I want a baby. Those aren’t mutually exclusive things, Katherine!”

She picked up the pace once more. 

“Katherine,” he growled, reaching to catch her wrist. “Katherine! Talk to me.”

“I just need _time_ ,” she spat. “Why can’t you be patient?”

“I’ve _been_ patient!” His hand was wrapped so tightly around her wrist that she squirmed. “I’ve been waiting for _years_ , Katherine, and not once have I pushed you. Not once!”

She glowered at him, and he ground his teeth. “Look," he said. "We’ve been through this a million times, and you always say you need more time. No matter how long I wait, it’s never enough for you. Crutchie and Rosie have been married less than a _year_ , do you realize that?” He dropped her wrist and slapped his cap against his leg. “We’ve been married for almost _three_ , and yet every time I bring this up you shy away like a skittish horse!” He exhaled in frustration. “Are you _ever_ going to be ready, Katherine? Will you ever agree to have children with me?”

Katherine whirled around and continued marching back to their apartment, crossing her arms so that he couldn’t catch her by the wrist again. Jack growled and began stomping after her, although this time he made no effort to match her tempo. They pounded up the stairs to their apartment in silence, with Jack slamming the door behind them.

“If you wanted lots of children in record time, then you should’ve married Rosie,” Katherine said, the barb sounding unexpectedly sharp.

“ _What?_ ” Jack said, dumbfounded. “You’re seriously going to go after Rosie for this?”

She flushed, slightly ashamed of herself, but continued. “If you wanted a housewife, you should’ve married Rosie!” She kicked her shoes off and tossed her light sweater onto the ground. “I told you before we got married that you’d have to wait, I _told_ you I’d be bad at this, and you married me anyway! If you wanted something different, you should’ve _married_ someone different!”

“Don’t do this, Katherine,” Jack said, a warning note to his tone.

She tossed her head. “I told you you’d have to wait, Jack. Don’t put this on me.”

“I didn’t think I’d have to wait so damn _long_!” He slammed his fist against the wall. “It’s been years, Katherine, _years_! And I wouldn’t even mind that so much if you’d just take half a minute to think about it when I ask, but you never do! You brush it off without any hesitation at all, like the idea of having a child with me turns your stomach, like you think I’m the gutter rat your father always says I am!” His chest heaved and he took a step closer, leveling his finger at her. “Well, let me tell you something, Katherine: I ain’t trash, and I’m sick of you making me feel like I am every single time I mention the idea of havin’ children. I’m sick of you acting like I’m some sort of pervert for wanting a baby with you, and I’m sick of having to bite my tongue as soon as you start to get jittery over this.” His nostrils flared and he straightened out his shoulders. “I think we’d be great parents, and it’s a slap in the face that you don’t feel the same about me.” He glared at her, his hazel eyes almost brown with anger, and then, after a short internal struggle, his temper got the best of him. “So," he snapped, tongue dripping acid, "What’s the hang-up, Miss Pulitzer? Too high and mighty ta let the world know you’s had sex with a kid from the tenement slums?”

Her mouth fell open and her eyes flashed. “Fuck you, Jack Kelly,” she finally managed, and stalked off down the hall.

“I wish you _would_ ,” he yelled, marching after her.

She spun around in the doorway of their bedroom and fixed him with an icy stare. “Get the hell out of my house,” she said, and slammed the door in his face.

“It’s my house, too!” He yelled, hammering on the door. “You don’t get to decide everything on your own, you know—you don’t get to run my life without me!” He paused for a moment and heard only silence. “Let me _in_ , Katherine! You can’t lock me out of my own room!”

“I just did!” She screamed. “Fuck off, Jack! Fuck off, okay? Fuck the _hell_ off, and then get the _fuck_ out of my house!”

He roared and kicked at the door, his thick-toed boot leaving scuff marks on the white paint. He wore himself out after a little while, and, breathing heavily, he turned away from the bedroom and left the apartment.

 

*

 

Katherine woke up the next morning feeling like her insides had been reamed out by a melon baller. She began getting ready for her day, but it took twice as long as usual, because every few minutes she disintegrated into tears so heavy that she couldn’t see what she was doing anymore. She’d finally given up on going to work and was lying on the floor in the hallway, half-dressed, bawling, when she heard the apartment door click open. She raised her head, trying to clear her eyes long enough to locate her husband. “Jack,” she said, her voice utterly wrecked. “I’m sorry, Jack, I’m so sorry, oh no, I’ve ruined everything, I’m so sorry, I…” She collapsed back onto the floor, overwhelmed by sobs. 

It took less than two seconds for him to sink down beside her and pull her into his arms. “I’m sorry, too, love, I was so cruel, I hurt you and scared you and I…” He bit his lip and buried his face in her hair. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered.

She frantically reached her hands up to cradle his face and pulled him in for a desperate, salty kiss. “I love you,” she whispered. “I’m not ashamed of you, I’m not scared of you, and I will be proud to have your children someday. I promise.”

He gave her a broken smile and used his thumbs to wipe away her tears. “I can wait for someday,” he said softly. “You’re worth waiting for, macushla. You always have been. I don’t want anyone but you, I don’t want any life but the one I have with you, and I’ll stop asking you if you're ready. From now on, I’ll wait until you tell me yourself.”

She smiled, tears still streaming down her cheeks. “My brave, beautiful boy,” she said, running her hand across his unshaven jaw. “Thank you,” She whispered, and pulled him in for another kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Melon ballers were invented at some point in the 1800s.
> 
> Discarded alternative titles for this work included:
> 
> The Baby Fic, or 'Yes, Here Is The Story You Requested Six Months Ago'  
> The Baby Fic: Proof Jack and Katherine Have Consummated Their Marriage No Do Not Ask Me to Write That Scene  
> The Baby Fic: As Written by Someone Who Has No Desire to Have Children Any Time Soon  
> and finally, as suggested by Anna: The Baby Fic: Living Proof Jack and Kath HAVE SEX ALL THE TIME
> 
> I just spent a week at a seminar on the Holocaust, so *that* was heavy and exhausting, and now that it's over I am... writing sad stories? I dunno. Whatever. Welcome to the next installment in the series, and I hope you enjoy!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Jack is adorable.

**February 1908**

“…rollll it, and paaaaat it, and mark it with a D, and put it in the oven for Daniel and me!” Jack lifted the little baby’s hands in triumph and gave the infant a big kiss on the forehead. “Yes, baby, yes, Danny-boy, that’s right, what a big boy you are! So big, oh, so big,” he said, hefting Daniel up into the air and laughing as the little boy opened his mouth to smile and drool. “I dunno how you ever leaves the house, Crutchie,” he said, settling Daniel back in his lap. “This little monster is the cutest thing I’s ever seen.” 

“I thinks so, too, Jackie,” Crutchie said with a smile, reaching over with a rag to mop the drool from Daniel’s chin.

“Good gosh, Jack, how we ever thought you was tough enough to lead a borough, I don’t know,” Race said, stuffing another teacake in his mouth. “You’s softer’n a snowball in summer.”

Jack stuck his tongue out at Race and then looked down at Daniel. “What’s that, Danny? Did you hear what he said?” Daniel wiggled and drooled. Jack shook his head and gave an exaggerated pout. “Oh, I knooow, Danny, I know! But don’t you listen to your Uncle Race, baby, he don’t know nothing. No, he don’t. Nooooo, he don’t…” Jack bounced Daniel up and down a few times, and Daniel giggled and babbled a series of consonants at Jack, who beamed. “A ba ba ba, sweet boy, yes, that’s it, a ba ba ba…” Daniel met Jack’s wide eyes and bent to hide his head against Jack’s chest. Jack cradled Daniel to him and looked over to Crutchie. “Damn, Crutchie,” he said wonderingly. “I know I sees you guys all the time, but I still can’t believe you’s a _father_.”

“Me either,” Crutchie said, bending down to pick up a fallen pacifier. “But when he’s wakin’ me an’ Rosie up at 3am, it hits me pretty quick,” he said, laughing. “An’ the diapers!” He shook his head. “Lemme tell ya, if I weren’t his Da then there wouldn’t be enough money in the world ta get me ta handle those things.”

Davey pulled a face. “Ugh, I remember that from Les.” He rubbed his nose reflexively and shuddered. “Have you started him on solids yet? That only makes it worse.” 

Crutchie gagged slightly. “Great. Something to look forward to.”

Jack bent to kiss the top of the baby’s head, which was covered in curly black fuzz. “All your uncles is so mean, baby,” he cooed, rubbing Daniel’s back. “You just stick close to me, okay? I’ll keep you away from mean ol’ Davey an’ nasty ol’ Race.”

“Nasty?” Race was indignant. “I showered this mornin’! I don’t even got no grease stains on me t’day!”

Spot laughed. “Maybe Rosie’ll finally let ya hold the baby, then.” 

Race’s eyes flicked over to Rosie, who was sitting in the next room over with Katherine, finishing her tea at the table like a civilized person. “Naaaah,” he said, rubbing his hand through his short curls. “I’m gonna wait until he’s older. Teach him ta drive an’ stuff.”

“Over my dead body!” Rosie called.

All of the boys jumped; they hadn’t realized the women were listening. Race waved at Rosie and gave her a short salute. “Sure thing, Rosie, whatever you says, no problem!” 

Crutchie snorted. “You’s softer’n Jack, bein’ scared of my wife!” 

Race pouted as Davey, Jack, and Spot burst out laughing. “She’s _tough_!” Race protested. “She only looks all sweet an’ dainty ta get ya off the scent, an’ then BAM, she’s got ya!”

Crutchie shrugged. “You play nice with my boy, an’ I think you’ll be okay.” 

“I ain’t goin’ anywhere near that baby until he’s old enough ta tell Rosie I's been nothin' but responsible with him!” Race tugged at his shirtsleeves and then jammed an unlit cigar into his mouth.

“ _Anthony!_ ” Rosie yelled. “Get that cigar out of here this instant!”

Race shot out of his seat like he’d sat on a thumbtack and gave another salute. “Yes, ma’am, Rosie, right away, Rosie, I’m on my way outta here right this second, Rosie…” He dashed out of the room lickety-split, tripping over the fringed rug in his haste to leave. 

“Well, gee,” Davey said, leaning back in his armchair. “If I’d known that was all it took to get Race to behave, I’d have gotten a girl a lot sooner.”

“A lot sooner?” Jack said, perking up. “Ya got a girl now?” 

“No,” Davey said, giving Jack an incredulous look. “When on earth do you think I’d have had time to find a girl? Law school is insane, I’ve told you that a million times.” 

Spot rolled his eyes. “Yeah, well, leadin’ a strike against Pulitzer was insane, but that didn’t stop Jack from takin’ the time ta find Kath’rine,” he pointed out. “Lame excuse, Dave.” 

Davey made a face at Spot and reached for the cashews. “Whatever.”

“Not whatever,” Jack said sternly. “Don’t you want a sweet baby like this someday?” He asked, flipping Daniel so that the baby was sitting propped against Jack’s chest, facing Davey. “Ya gots ta get you a girl, David Jacobs. An’ I know just the way ta do it.”

“Oh?” Davey said, raising an eyebrow. “And how’s that?”

“Lemme set ya up,” Jack said, leaning forward with his hands clasped around Daniel’s chubby thighs.

Davey guffawed and scrabbled for a napkin to wipe up the snot that had shot out of his nose. “That’s a terrible idea,” he said.

“What is?” Race asked, sauntering back into the room, cigar nowhere in sight.

“Jack wants to set me up with a girl,” Davey said.

“That’s a great idea!” Race said.

“Oh, of course _you_ think it’s a good idea,” Davey sniped. “You’d like nothing more than to set me up on the most awkward date in the world.”

“No, I means it,” Race insisted, practically hopping in excitement. 

“You are completely untrustworthy, Race,” Davey said, crossing his arms. “There is _no_ way I am letting you set me up with a girl.”

“No, no, Race ain’t gonna do it, _I_ am,” Jack reminded him. 

Davey bit back a laugh. “That’s not much better.”

Jack hugged Daniel close and kissed the baby’s ear. “Sooooo mean, Danny. They’s all so mean! You stay far away from ‘em, ya hear?”

Crutchie shifted in his seat and reached for a glass of orange juice on the side table. “I dunno, Davey; I think it’s a pretty good idea, actually.”

Davey paused. “You do?”

“Yeah,” Crutchie said, shrugging. “Just ‘cause it’s Jack’s idea don’t mean it’s a bad idea.”

“That’s kind of the definition of Jack’s ideas,” Spot interjected, and Jack pushed out his bottom lip and covered the baby’s ears.

“Huh,” Davey said. He thought for a moment. “Hey, Kath! Rosie! Do you think I should let Jack set me up on a date?”

“Yes!” Both women called back, without even hesitating. Kath added, “Jack’s got a good sense for people, Davey, he’ll find someone nice. And even if you don’t adore her, you'll at least enjoy having some company and eating off campus, right?” 

Davey tilted his head sideways and pursed his lips. “Yeah, that’s true.” He let out a deep breath and looked back at Jack, who was bouncing Daniel in time to a nursery rhyme he was singing under his breath. “Okay, Jack,” he said. 

“…with rings on her fingers and bells on her toes…”

“Jack!” Davey raised his voice. “Hello? I said you can do it!” 

“Huh?” Jack’s head snapped up. “Oh, right." He looked back at Daniel and then paused. "Wait." He lifted his head up again and blinked at Davey. "What?"

Davey raised an eyebrow.

Jack's eyes widened. "Really? Ah, fantastic! I’ll find ya someone good, I promise.” He grinned at Davey and then bent to kiss Daniel’s soft little curls. “We’s gonna find ya another Auntie, Danny-boy, yes we is, oh, yes, mhmm, ba ba ba…”

 

*

 

Jack and Katherine were the last to bid their farewells to Rosie, Crutchie, and Daniel as they left the townhouse where the little trio lived with Rosie’s father. It was late February, and the air was frosty and flat in the way it always was when winter had dragged on too long. Katherine hugged Rosie before pattering down the steps after Jack and linking her arm with his. 

“Did you have a nice time?” She asked, looking up at him. 

“Yeah,” Jack said with a soft smile. He looked dreamily off into the distance and leaned his head briefly against hers. “It was real nice. I love that kid.” 

“I know,” Katherine said quietly. They walked in silence for a few blocks, and then she glanced up at him out of the corner of her eye and asked, “How’d you like one of your own?”

Jack froze instantly, causing the man walking behind them to give a grumpy huff as he almost ran into Jack’s broad back. Katherine tugged Jack to the edge of the sidewalk and squeezed his hand. “Well, love?” She asked, clearly nervous. “What do you think?”

“Katherine,” he breathed, his eyes wide. “Katherine, do… do you mean it? You…” He swallowed and fumbled to hold her delicate hands in his own. “You want to have a baby?” His gaze was so hopeful and scared and full that Katherine had to close her eyes briefly before she felt ready to look back up at him.

She smiled timidly and nodded. “I do.”

“You do,” he echoed in wonderment, his voice breaking. “You... You want a child. With _me_.”

She laughed and smacked him in the arm, trying not to cry. “I’m certainly not having one with anyone else, idiot!”

Jack’s lips twitched and then spread into a slow smile that revealed his dimple and crinkled his eyes. “A baby, Katherine,” he whispered. “ _Our_ baby. We’re... We're gonna have a _baby_.”

“Well, we’re sure going to try,” she said saucily, stretching up to kiss him on the nose.

He laughed in utter delight. “A baby!” He yelled, startling the passers-by on the crowded sidewalk. “We’re gonna have a baby!” People gave him a wide berth, but Katherine couldn’t bring herself to care about the scene they were causing; she simply cupped her hands over her nose and mouth and giggled. Jack leapt off the ground and punched up at the sky, yelling, “Holy _fuck_ , I’m gonna be a _dad_!”

Katherine doubled over in laughter at that, and the indignant looks and angry scolds they got only made her laugh harder. Jack grinned at everyone who walked by, smacking his cap against his leg and running a hand through his hair. He turned back to Katherine and bent over to whisper in her ear. “A _baby_ , darlin'. We're gonna have a _baby_.”

“I _know_ ,” she whispered back, and giggled again.

He did a little shimmy of a dance, whooped, and scooped her up in his arms.

“Jack!” She yelped, throwing her arms around his neck. “What are you doing?!”

He smacked a kiss on her lips and then took off at a run in the direction their apartment. “I can’t wait another minute, macushla,” he said, slipping through back alley shortcuts and dodging the debris of the crowded city streets. “You's the most beautiful woman in the world, an' I need ta go make a kid with ya.”

She laughed until she couldn't breathe, and then, her stomach sore from laughter and her cheeks sore from smiling, she leaned her head against his chest and let him run them the rest of the way home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pushpins/thumbtacks were invented in 1900! 
> 
> My internal timeline on this story: Crutchie and Rosie got married in August-ish (give or take a little bit on either side of that) 1906, and their son, Daniel Oliver, was born in October 1907. By February 1908, which is when this chapter takes place, Daniel is 5 months old. Jack and Kath are 26 years old and have been married 3 1/2 years. As far as I could find, the average age for a first marriage in the US at that time was 21 for women, and the median age for first childbirth was 21/22 or so. The average age for a man's first marriage was 25/26.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Race sees something that wasn't meant for him.

**March 1908**

 

“Didja hear a word I just said, Jackie?” Race leaned over the front of Jack’s desk, trying to figure out what this week’s cartoon was about based on the upside-down letters he was able to decipher.

“Hmm?” Jack said, dipping his pen into the ink bottle by his elbow. 

Race reached out to flick Jack’s ear, causing Jack to yelp, jump, and knock over the half-full bottle of India ink. Race sighed. “I dunno why I ever talks ta ya when ya has a pen in your hand, Jack. You’s hopeless.”

Jack smacked Race upside the head and then scrambled to grab the washrags he stored in one of his desk drawers for accidents like this. “ _I’m_ hopeless? _I’m_ sittin’ here mindin’ my own business—in my _office_ , ya big lump, durin’ the middle of the _workday_ , an’ _you_ barges in whinin’ about me not givin’ ya enough attention?” Jack pushed the salvageable pens and paper up to the top of the desk and began frantically tossing washrags on the rapidly spreading ink puddle. He clenched his jaw and snapped, “I were nearly done with that drawin’, too, an’ now it’s ruined, ya numpty! _I_ oughta be the one complainin’, not you!”

“You _are_ complainin’, idiot,” Race retorted, rubbing the back of his head. “And it ain’t my fault you’s so clumsy you ruined your drawin’!”

Jack growled and sucked a deep breath in through his teeth, grinding a washrag onto his desk with so much force that the rag’s worn threads began to separate. He closed his eyes and counted to ten before responding. “Racetrack. Tell me what ya wanted ta say an’ then get the heck outta here afore I kicks your butt so hard ya lands in Queens.”

Race made a snotty face at Jack while clapping together the fingers and thumb of his left hand several times in rapid succession to indicate that he thought Jack was being an oversensitive chatterbox. “I was _tryin'_ ta tell you the team’s got a new car for me ta drive, dummy, an’ I was _gonna_ invite you an’ Kath ta give ‘er a spin this weekend," He said, adopting a sulky pout. "But now I dunno if I want to,” he finished, crossing his arms over his chest.

Jack raised an eyebrow and gestured to the sopping mess on his desk. “Seriously, Race? You’s mad at _me_?” Jack rolled his eyes and brushed at his nose, tossing a stained washrag onto the floor. “Ya know what—whatever. I forgive you. You’s just a big idiot, anyway; ain't no room in your head for common sense.” He grinned at Race, who stuck out his tongue and grinned back. “Thanks for the invite, Racer. I’d love to go. An’ I can’t speak for Ace, but she’s prob’ly game, too. I’m sure we got a coupla free hours this weekend—check my planner for me while I finish mopping up?” Jack pushed a small appointment book across his desk to Race, who flipped through the pages to find the right dates.

Race hummed, dragging his finger through down the lined sheets to find an opening. Then his eyes bugged and he burst into laughter. “ _Jack_! Are ya serious?”

Jack straightened up from wiping ink off the side of his desk and gave Race a quizzical look. “What?”

“You mean you don’t _know_?” Race wheezed, collapsing into a fresh round of giggles.

“What the heck are you talkin’ about?!” Jack was completely baffled. He lived a pretty ordinary life these days, and he definitely couldn’t think of anything on his schedule that would get this kind of reaction from Race.

By now, Race was laughing too hard to respond, completely red in the face and shoulders shaking. The other illustrators in the office had begun to stare, but when they saw who was making the commotion, they shrugged and went back to work. Race managed to pull himself together long enough slide the planner back across the desk to Jack, and, with a grubby finger, he pointed to a line of text written at the bottom of Saturday, right around the time Jack got home from work. Jack squinted at the familiar looping script; when on earth had Katherine gotten her hands on his planner, and what on earth had she written?

Rubbing at his nose, he picked up the planner and read: _6pm. Make a baby :)_

He promptly choked on his own spit and flushed scarlet all the way down his neck.

Race cackled and clutched his stomach. “Oh, Jackie, ya oughta see your face, oh my gosh, I…” He snorted and struggled to catch his breath as Jack continued to goggle at his planner. 

“Well, damn,” Jack muttered, scratching the back of his head. “Guess I’m busy Saturday, then.”

“I’ll say,” Race snickered. He plucked the planner from Jack’s hands, snatched a pencil off the edge of the desk, and flipped to the next page to scribble something down. “There. You two oughta be dressed an’ walkin’ straight again by Sunday afternoon, I think. See ya at the track,” he said with a wink, tossing the appointment book over to Jack and sauntering out of the office, still laughing to himself.

 

*

 

Jack couldn’t help shaking his head in amusement at Katherine’s brazenness as he walked home. They hadn’t told anyone that they’d been trying for a baby for the last month, but he guessed the cat was out of the bag now, because no way would Race keep quiet about this. Juicy gossip aside, Race loved it when Jack got flustered, and he’d probably be telling everyone and their dog about it for the next six months.

 _I need new friends_ , Jack thought with a smile, shaking his head as he tromped up the stairs of the apartment building.

Even though he’d gotten back a little later than usual due to the unfortunate incident with his cartoon earlier in the day, he was still back in plenty of time to make dinner before Katherine got home. Fridays tended to be long days for her. He was surprised, then, when he heard noises coming from the bedroom.

“You’re home early,” he called to her down the hallway, tugging off his boots and locking the apartment door. “Oh, so I saw your little line in my appointment book today, and guess what, so did Race, so there goes our privacy with the whole baby thing…” By that point he was out of his winter clothes and had slipped on the extra sweater and wool socks that he wore inside over his normal clothes when the weather was cold. “So I’m sorry about that, but really, Ace, we’re just lucky my boss didn’t see it—that’d’ve been embarrassing beyond belief!” He shook his head and walked down the hallway. “I can’t believe you did that, you little minx—what the hell were you thinking? I mean, Lord knows I love ya, but it was awfully hard ta get through the rest of my day dreamin' about you an’ Saturday night.” He put his hand on the doorknob. “Honestly, angel, ya know what ya do to me! So come on, writin’ somethin’ like that for me to read at work? That was just mean, Ace, an' I—” The rest of his sentence flew out of his head as he entered the bedroom to see Katherine sitting sweetly on the edge of the bed, clad in nothing but a white combination undergarment.

Its low-cut neckline and short hem were edged with lace, the front was dotted with decorative mother-of-pearl buttons, and the center of the garment was tied together in a tantalizingly loose fashion by a single pink satin ribbon. He gulped. He knew full well that combinations only _looked_ like they offered the coverage of a modest bathing suit—in reality, they were slit high up both the back and the front, and that would become glaringly obvious as soon as she moved.

“It ain’t Saturday,” he croaked, feeling a warmth gathering in the pit of his stomach.

She tilted her head and gave him an innocent smile. “Silly me,” she said, looking up at him through her long lashes. “Should I change, then?” She uncrossed her legs and made as if to go, but Jack started forward and grabbed her wrists, keeping her pinned at the side of the bed.

“No,” he said, voice hoarse with desire. He licked his lips and looked her up and down, taking in every inch of her that he could see; her chocolate brown eyes, her perfect little chin, that kissable collarbone, the curve of her hips, the scars on her knees from tripping during footraces and falling out of trees as a child. “No,” he whispered, leaning down to kiss her passionately on the lips.

She lifted her hands to his shoulders and slid them upwards, winding one through his thick, dark hair and pressing the other to the back of his neck, breathing faster when she felt his muscles and tendons shift as he angled his head to deepen the kiss. She sighed with pleasure at the softness and warmth of him, closing her eyes so that her world narrowed until all that was left was him and her. All she could hear was Jack, all she could smell was Jack, all she could feel was Jack. His husky moans in her mouth, the brush of his calloused fingers on her cheek and chin, the rub of his corduroys against her inner thighs as he pushed his way to stand between her almost-bare legs. 

“Jack,” she murmured, pulling back from the kiss, eyes still closed. He whined and chased her lips, catching the bottom one in his teeth and tugging gently. “ _Oh_ ,” she said, and she felt him smile against her and press his tongue back into her mouth. It was lips and tongues and hands for several minutes more, all heat and breath and sweat, touch and taste and want, and then she shifted away again. “Jack,” she said, more forcefully this time.

“Mmm?” He said, moving his attention to her neck, taking care to nip and suck only in places that could be covered by a scarf.

“Take me,” she ordered, bending her head down to kiss the hair that curled softly at the nape of his neck.

He needed no further urging; with a low growl that made her shiver, he hefted her up into the middle of the bed and quickly undid the buttons of his suspenders and his trousers, shucking them in one easy motion. “Lie down, love,” he directed, climbing up next to her and caressing her cheek.

“Shirt,” she replied, and he pulled his sweater, dress shirt, and undershirt off in rapid succession.

“Kiss,” he said, and she stretched up to pull his face down to hers, starting to tremble at the want and warmth that was spreading through her.

“I want your baby, Jack,” she said between kisses, her cheeks flushed and her heart racing.

He nodded, his eyes full of a fire and need so primal, so intense, that she nearly melted underneath them. He moved to straddle her, bracing his hands on either side of her waist and bending his head to bite and tug at the bow that held her combination closed.

“Jack… _oh_! Jack, Jack, Jack…” She babbled, struggling for coherency as his hot breath tickled her skin. “ _Jack_." She exhaled with a shudder and balled the sheets in her hands. "Give me a child,” she demanded, abandoning the sheets in favor of tugging him upwards. Her eyes fluttered shut then, so she missed his answering smile, but his touch told her everything she needed to know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes on Edwardian underwear-- 'combinations' look like rompers, if rompers had slits up the front and back up to about your hips. Google 'Edwardian combinations' for images. They're actually quite pretty.
> 
> Also, I wish I were clever enough to have made up the idea of Katherine writing 'make a baby' in Jack's planner, but nope, that is something my mom ACTUALLY DID, and my dad's boss ACTUALLY SAW IT and then the story was ACTUALLY PRINTED in our local paper (without names, thank heavens). And the result of all that ridiculousness was me. Perhaps that is why I am as ridiculous as I am ;)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Katherine gets a much-needed push and has a realization.

**July 1908**

 

Katherine and Rosie were sitting on the floor in the nursery, watching Daniel try to pull himself up into a standing position by gripping the edge of his crib.

“Aren’t you worried he’s going to fall?” Katherine asked, eyeing Daniel’s wobbly legs.

“We’re right here, and the diaper gives him a lot of padding,” Rosie said with a smile, patting her baby gently on the bottom. “Besides, he’s gotta learn how to fall and get back up again. Might as well start early.”

Katherine nodded, still a little nervous. “Rosie? Can I ask you something?”

“Of course!” Rosie’s attention was briefly diverted by Daniel, who had indeed fallen down and was now crawling to the other side of the room, but she quickly turned back to Katherine.

“How… how did you tell Charlie? When you got pregnant, I mean? And when did you know that you… well, that it was real?”

Rosie’s eyes widened. “Kath, are you—”

Katherine blushed and nodded, and Rosie squealed and flung herself halfway across the nursery to crush her friend in a bear hug. “Congratulations! Oh, that’s wonderful! I’m so happy for you, Katherine, you’re going to be such an amazing mother!”

Katherine laughed and rocked side to side with Rosie, excited to finally have shared her news with someone else. Both women took a second to smooth their skirts and wipe happy tears from their eyes once they’d pulled away, and then Katherine laid a hand to her perfectly flat stomach. “It doesn’t feel real yet,” she confessed. 

“How far along are you?”

“Two months, I think.” 

Rosie considered for a moment. “I had purty bad nausea by that point, so that and my missed monthlies made it obvious that something was going on.” Seeing the concern on Katherine’s face, she reached a hand across to pat her friend’s knee in reassurance. “It doesn’t hit everyone that way, though; there’s no need to worry that you’re making this up. You’ve been keeping track of things?”

Katherine nodded. “I’m three or four days late sometimes, but—well, it’s been seven weeks. So I have to be... I mean…” She paused and took a deep breath. “It’s real, right? I can tell Jack? I won’t be… building him up for something I have to take back later?” 

“I wouldn’t tell anyone else until you’ve made it another month,” Rosie said slowly, rubbing at the bridge of her nose, “But I think you oughta tell Jack. You’re definitely pregnant, and you’ll need his support with this, whatever happens next.” 

Katherine bit her lip and looked down at her lap. “You’re right. I… I just can’t stand the thought of breaking his heart if I… if something goes wrong.” 

Rosie made a sympathetic noise and gripped Katherine’s hand even as she had one eye trained on Daniel, who was pulling books and blocks off of a shelf in the corner. “Don’t think about it, okay? Best not to will things like that into being.” She gave Katherine another smile. “It’s all going to be fine, you’ll see. This time next year we’ll have two little wiggly ones to keep an eye on, and we’ll be so busy chasing them around that we won’t hardly know which way is up.”

Katherine laughed and swept her hair back over her shoulder. “Thanks, Rosie.” 

“My pleasure,” Rosie said, beaming. 

Katherine shifted awkwardly on the ragwork rug. “How did you tell Charlie, though? I don’t even know where to start.”

Daniel came crawling back across the room, and Rosie pulled him up into her lap, smoothing his wispy black curls and kissing him all over. She let him go when he began to fidget and watched him motor over to the window. “I was planning on making a fancy dinner and breaking the news over dessert,” she said, smiling fondly at the memory, “But Charlie already knew. He asked me about it on the very morning of the day I was going to tell him, actually; I guess he’d been keeping as close an eye on things as I had.” 

Katherine snorted. “There is no _way_ Jack has any clue. He’s still bedding me every chance he gets; maybe I’ll get a break once I tell him.”

“If you _want_ one, that is,” Rosie said, her eyes twinkling.

Katherine’s jaw dropped. “ _No_. You… People _do_ that?”

Rosie burst out laughing. “Give it a couple more months, Katherine, and I can just about guarantee you won’t be able to keep your hands off him.”

“Huh,” Katherine said, slightly stunned. “Well, then.” She crossed her legs and watched Daniel shove the front half of a wooden elephant toy into his mouth. “Thanks, Rosie.”

“My pleasure, darling,” Rosie said, before turning to Daniel. “Danny-bear, what’re you doing over there, baby?” Daniel pulled the toy out of his mouth and cooed. “Ohhhh, is that an elephant?” Daniel scooted across the floor and pressed the wooden animal into Rosie’s hand. “Well wouldja look at that, it _is_ an elephant! Thank you, baby, what a thoughtful gift,” she said, placing the drool-covered toy on the floor and pulling Daniel in for a hug. “What a sweet boy you are! I love you so much, Danny-bear.”

 

*

 

Katherine dithered over her news for a while, telling herself that she really did need to be absolutely certain that her period wasn’t just late _(Eight weeks late, Katherine? How stupid are you, huh?)_. Of course, that meant she still hadn’t told Jack about the baby when it came time for that week’s dinner with Charlie and Rosie, and so she had to pull Rosie aside before dinner to warn her. Even though Rosie nodded and agreed to keep Katherine’s secret for a little while longer, Katherine still had to kick her friend under the table several times throughout the meal in order to keep Rosie from casting one-too-many knowing looks when the topic of Daniel came up. Which was often. Because Jack was obsessed with that baby. Oh, how he wanted a baby. Honestly, it was almost painful how much he wanted a child, and she really ought to just tell him, but…

Then she justified another week’s delay with the rationale that this was a big deal, so of course she had to figure out the perfect way to tell Jack, and that required thought, and then there would be set-up involved for whatever she came up with, and she just didn’t have time for that right now… Of course, in the short moments where she allowed herself to stop moving and reflect for more than half a second, she could admit that a good half of her was (despite Rosie’s good advice and reassurance) terrified that once she spoke the words aloud, she’d lose the baby. And the other half was terrified that once she spoke the words aloud, she’d have to acknowledge that the baby was real. She wasn’t sure she could handle either of those possibilities right now, and so she kept her mouth shut.

 

*

 

“So, how’d he respond? Is he over the moon? I’m amazed he’s even letting you out of his sight to come over here—I bet he’s gonna treat you like glass for the next seven months!” Rosie laughed, a silvery peal that made her black curls bounce.  

Katherine squirmed on the couch across from Rosie and flicked her eyes to the floor, where Daniel was happily gumming on a teddy bear.

Rosie frowned. “Katherine? You’ve told him, right?” Rosie watched Katherine fidget for a beat and then she glared at her friend. “Katherine! You hafta tell him, honey!”

“I know,” Katherine groaned, sliding down against the cushions so that her head was even with the armrest and her legs were stretched completely off the couch.

“What’s the hold-up, then?”

Katherine’s lower lip trembled. “Rosie…”

“You need to do it! He deserves to know!”

“I know!” Katherine wailed, covering her face in her hands.

“The longer you wait, the harder it’s going to be!”

“I _know_! Rosie, I know!”

“Do you want him to find out by _looking_ at you? He wakes up one morning and realizes and then has to wonder why his wife didn’t _tell_ him?”

“Rosie! Stop!”

Rosie raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms. “Okay, so when are you telling him?”

Katherine peeked out from between her fingers and hedged, “Um… sometime next week?” 

“ _Katherine!_ ”

“Ughhhhh,” Katherine groaned, balling her fists into her eyes. “It’s so hard, Rosie!” 

“It’s really not,” Rosie said flatly. “Look, sugar, either you tell him or I will. I’m calling your house at eight tomorrow night, and I will either break the news to Jack myself, or I will let that man burst my eardrum with his excitement as he tells _me_ the news. Your choice.” 

Katherine bit her lip and straightened up on the couch. “I just…” Daniel interrupted by crawling over to Katherine and pulling himself up on her skirts. She hoisted him up into her lap and pulled him close, hiding her face in his soft baby hair. “Okay, Rosie. I’ll do it tonight. I’ve got to cover a town hall meeting first, but as soon as I’m home from that I’ll tell him.”

“You better,” Rosie said sternly. “Because I’d much rather him direct all of his very loud happiness at you than at me.”

Daniel gurgled and fisted his hands in Katherine’s hair, pulling a glossy lock into his mouth and sucking on it in contentment. 

Katherine laughed weakly and nodded, not making any effort at all to rescue her hair from Daniel’s slobbery attention. “Thanks, dear.”

Rosie smiled kindly and reached a hand across the coffee table to pat Katherine’s knee. “It’s real, honey. It’s real, it’s going to be wonderful, and I’ll be here for you every step of the way.”

 

*

 

“You do realize you just put peaches and peas in your mouth at the same time, right?” Jack asked, buttering a roll and reaching for another helping of black pudding. 

“Mmph,” Katherine said, making a face at him.

“Hey, I don’t mind,” Jack said with a shrug. “You’re just usually picky about not mixing your food.”  

“I’ve got to rush to make that town hall meeting I’m reporting on,” she said, hoping he’d buy haste as a plausible explanation for her odd meal choices. “I was hoping to walk, I could use the air, but I’m going to be cutting it close.”

“What’s on the agenda for this one?”

Katherine reached to brush a glob of butter from the corner of his mouth. “Street repairs, complaints about the police and the sanitation department, worries about the subway tunnels… same old same old, mostly.” 

Jack grunted. 

“But there’ve also been some clashes over on Avenue C recently—seems the Italians aren’t getting along with the Irish, who’re unhappy with the Germans, so maybe the councilmen will address that. I hope they will, anyway; if they don’t, I’ll bring it up myself.” 

Jack laughed. “That’s my girl.” He shoved a bread roll into his pocket. “So, when are we leaving?”

She knitted her eyebrows. “We?”

“Sure,” Jack said, all nonchalance. “I like spending time with you, an’ there’s always interesting characters to draw at these things.”

“Aww, I like spending time with you, too,” she said, and then she gently tapped the end of his nose. “Let’s go.”

The first half hour or so of the meeting was relatively calm, but things got interesting when Katherine, frustrated by the politicians’ platitudes, brought up the hot topic of the day. After introducing herself and giving several examples of violent incidents that had happened on or near Avenue C lately, she demanded, “So, in light of all that, what steps is the Council taking to help ensure residents’ safety?” 

She was fairly new to this beat, and so instead of taking her seriously, the councilmen just gave her bored looks. “We assure you, Miss, ah..”

“Plumber.”

“We assure you, Miss Plumber, that we are doing everything we can to catch the ruffians who are disturbing the peace. New York City’s finest are on the job. And things are going swimmingly. In the last week alone, there have been over twenty arrests recorded in the neighborhood you mentioned.”

“For what crimes?” 

“Uh,” one of the men said, putting on his glasses and shuffling through some papers. “I’m not sure we have that information in front of us, I… Oh, yes, thank you, Mr. Adams, here we are… Public drunkenness, solicitation, petty theft, trespassing…”

“None of those are violent crimes,” Katherine pointed out.

“No,” the councilman with the glasses admitted, “But as we take miscreants of all types into custody, the remaining offenders will wish to avoid the same fate and reform.”

Katherine tried to keep her face neutral, but it was a struggle. “If the goal is to reform the community, has the council considered installing running water in the tenement buildings on Avenue C? Several of the disputes recently have been over access to local pumps.” 

This sparked a murmuring in the crowd; they could have running water? The council provided that sort of thing?   

“Let’s not get carried away, Miss Plumber,” said a man with a very bushy mustache. “Outside pumps encourage responsible water usage. If all of these foreigners had access to water at all hours of the day and night in their own homes, I can guarantee that at the next meeting you’d be coming in here asking questions about flooded apartments and water shortages.” 

This sparked some hooting and yelling from the crowd in several different languages, and, as the other councilmen tried to defend their colleague’s position, the room quickly devolved into insults, pushing, and punches. Jack grabbed Katherine’s arm and pushed her toward the exit, making sure that he stayed directly behind her, shielding her from jostling elbows and flying fists. Jack and Katherine weren’t the only ones trying to get out of there quickly, though, and as the crowd bottlenecked at the door, all remaining manners went out the window.

Katherine wrapped her arms around her middle as Jack clutched her from behind and tried to shuffle them forwards, but both of them were squeezed and bumped and shoved from all sides, and Katherine felt someone’s elbow dig into her ribs, and the end of a hatpin scraped across her face, and her toes were mashed under someone’s foot, and someone had begun to scream, and she was mostly calm, yes, but she wanted out, and she wanted out before someone knocked into her stomach, and she wanted out for Jack, because even as he shepherded her through the crowd, she could feel his heartbeat picking up speed and his hands starting to tremble on her biceps. She wanted to reach a hand up to grab his in reassurance, but if she moved her arms then something might happen to the baby, and she wouldn’t allow that. That simply wasn’t an option. She had to protect the baby. She… she _wanted_ to protect the baby. She wanted… she… wait, she… she wanted this baby? She tested the words out, whispering them to herself beneath the din of the crowd, and she realized with a jolt that it was true. She wanted this baby. She _wanted_ this baby. The baby. _Her_ baby. _Oh._  

“Jack!” She cried, her voice shrill above the noise of the people pressing around them. “Jack, I have to tell you something!” 

He squeezed her arms to let her know he’d heard, and Katherine felt her heart beginning to flip-flop like a fish out of water. “It’s important, Jack, I have to—I have to tell you!” _Oh my stars, I want this baby. I want this baby. I’m having a baby._ We’re _having a baby. Jack and I are going to have a_ child _. Rosie was right—this is real. This is real, this is wonderful, and I… I’m going to have a baby! I want this baby!_

After what felt like an eternity, they spilled out onto the sidewalk, and Katherine grabbed one of Jack’s trembling hands and pulled him down the street until she found a bench where they could both catch their breath. He collapsed onto it, his chest heaving, and she pulled him into a hug. “Shh, Jack, shh, you’re safe, it’s okay, I’m right here, love, shh….” She cradled the back of his head and steadied her own breathing as he shuddered into her shoulder. They got several disapproving looks from passers-by who clearly felt that such close contact ought to be reserved for private spaces, but Katherine was an old hand at ignoring the opinions of people who didn't matter to her in the slightest. This time she responded to anyone whose gaze lingered a little too long by crossing her eyes and sticking her tongue out at them, which let her get her point across without alerting Jack to the fact that people were staring, which would only upset him further.

She continued to murmur to him and soothe him there on the park bench, waiting well past the point when his heartbeat had evened out before she suggested walking home. She pulled away from him gently, lifting his chin to scan his face. “Are you okay to head home, dear heart? Do you need more time?”

He shook his head and stood, reaching for her hand, and they walked home slowly and in silence. Jack went to shower as soon as they entered the apartment, while Katherine sat down heavily on their bed, trying to process the fact that by this time next year she’d have an infant in her arms. There was an entire little person growing inside her, she was growing a baby inside her _right_ _now_ ,and she was going to be a mother. A _mother_. Was she really ready for this? Probably not, probably she never would be, but… she wanted this baby. She wanted this baby so much that it hurt.

She heard Jack padding into the room then, and she lifted her head to smile and tell him the news, but she paused at the look on his face. He sucked in a quick breath and hurried to her side, his wet, uncombed hair sending rivulets down the back of his neck. “You’re hurt,” he said, his voice tight, bending down to brush his fingers across a long, bloody scratch on her cheek.

“Oh. There was a hatpin,” she said, blinking. “It’s fine.”

He frowned and made to disagree, but she beamed at him with such excitement and joy that he fell quiet. “Jack,” she said, her eyes sparkling. “I’m pregnant.” 

His eyes widened, his jaw dropped, and he grabbed for the mattress as his knees buckled beneath him. “Really?” He croaked, his pulse beginning to race. 

“Mhmm,” she said, nodding shyly and hiding her smile behind her hands.

“Oh,” he said, exhaling deeply. “Oh my…” He gripped the sheets so hard that his knuckles went white, and he swallowed several times, trying to reassure himself that he was still here, to stop the roaring in his ears, and his vision was whiting out, and why couldn’t he breathe, and where was he, and what was happening, and was… was that a voice behind the buzz? He thought he recognized that sound, and then he felt a hand on his arm and he jerked away, but as his vision and his head began to clear he realized it was Katherine, that was Katherine sitting across from him and Katherine saying his name and Katherine with her hand frozen in the air and it was Katherine, Katherine, Katherine-- “ _Katherine_ ,” he breathed, focusing on her deep brown eyes. “You’re pregnant?” he asked, his voice thick. She nodded and lowered her hand to hold his, and he loved her for keeping her perfect, dainty hand in the air until he felt ready to take it, to touch her, to squeeze her fingers tight and feel her warmth and let her ground him in this moment. “You’re _pregnant_ ,” he repeated.

“Yes,” she said softly, reaching to stroke his face, and he felt his eyes beginning to fill.

“We’re gonna have a baby,” he said, extending a shaky hand to feel where his child was growing. 

“Yes,” she said again. “In March.”

“March,” he said stupidly, staring at her flat stomach. “A baby.”

“That’s right,” she said, running her fingers through his hair and leaning over to kiss his temples. “What do you think of that, hmm?” 

“I’m so happy,” he said, his voice breaking. “I... I'm so damn happy, Ace.”

She smiled tenderly at him as his face crumpled and he began to cry, choking, gasping sobs that shook his shoulders and snagged at his breath. She pulled him in close, shushing him and rubbing his back as he cried himself out on her shoulder. “You’re going to be such a wonderful father, Jack,” she said, kissing the side of his neck and nuzzling into his hair. “And our baby is so lucky to have you, my darling. The luckiest kid in the whole wide world.”

Jack lifted his head to kiss her through his tears and lean his forehead against hers. “I’m the happiest man alive, macushla, I really am, an' I— I—” He broke down again and Katherine smiled and closed her eyes, hugging him to her and rocking him side to side.

“There you are, love, there you are. Shhhhhhh, Jackie, shh. There you are, dear heart, that's right. It’s okay, love, it’s all okay.” She breathed in his smell and laid one hand on her stomach as he quieted. “Oh, Jack, how I love you,” she whispered. “My dear, sweet boy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long to update! I tried to make this chapter really long as an apology. And it's 3500 words, so although I don't know if the apology will take, the length is at least there. :) (I blame real life responsibilities and trying to sleep like a semi-normal person, blah blah blah.)
> 
> Oh, the google ads I will be getting from the research I did for this chapter...
> 
> Daniel's right on schedule developmentally. Kath wouldn't necessarily be showing yet. Avenue C was home to those ethnic groups during this time period, and the tenement houses there did lack running water. All the other details of that scene are completely made up, though. Oh, except for the hat pin-- those things could do real damage. In fact, men were so upset that women were using their hatpins to defend themselves that they started a public campaign to warn people about the dangers of hatpins. (Look up 'hatpin panic.') No, I'm not kidding. Yes, people are terrible.
> 
> ETA: I wrote a 1200 word fluff piece that takes place after this chapter, if you're interested; [here's](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14091537) the link.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which baby names are bandied about. 
> 
> ***Just a heads up that this chapter discusses parental and sibling death a little bit and has a cemetery scene (I know, I know, this is a baby fic... but it's **me** writing the aforementioned baby fic, sooooo, be honest-- are you actually surprised?). If that's going to upset you, stop after the line "He said, only half-joking," and skip to the final section, because you'll get all the plot you need that way.***

**September 1908**

 

Katherine was lying on her side on the couch, her feet propped up on the armrest. She flipped to the next page in E. Nesbit’s _The Railway Children_ and continued, “…she had the power of silent sympathy. That sounds rather dull, I know, but it's not so dull as it sounds. It just means that a person is able to know that you are unhappy, and to love you extra on that account, without bothering you by telling you all the time how sorry she is for you. That was what Bobbie was like.” She looked over and smiled at her husband, who was sitting on the floor as he mocked up birth announcement drafts in his sketchbook. “Just like you, Jack.”

His eyes crinkled as he looked up at her.

“If we have a girl, we could name her Roberta and call her Bobbie,” Katherine said, flipping the book upside down to keep their place.

He brushed at his nose, leaving a smudge of black on his face. “Bobbie Kelly? Hmm.”

“That’s a no, then.” 

“I didn’t say that,” Jack said, dipping his pen back in the ink.

“If you don’t love it, then it’s a no,” Katherine said, reaching to pull a pillow off of the floor and sandwich it beneath her hip. “There are thousands of names out there—there’ve got to be two boy’s names and two girl’s names that we both adore.”   

His mouth twitched in amusement. “How ‘bout Katherine Junior?”

She laughed. “That’s not a thing, Jack.” 

“We could make it a thing,” he said, wiggling his eyebrows.

She giggled and then stuck her tongue out at him. 

“That’s a no, then,” he said with a wink.

She smiled and traced her finger across the gilt lettering on the spine of the book. Jack returned to his sketching, figuring she’d start reading again soon, but Katherine left the book facing down on the couch. After a minute or so, she cleared her throat gently. “Jack?”

“Mmm?” He asked, still focused on the birth announcement.

“What about Eileen or Stephen?”

He froze. 

“From what you’ve said, they were wonderful people,” Katherine continued, rubbing one hand against her aching hip. “And naming our child after your parents would be a lovely way to honor them, I think. Eileen for a girl and Stephen for a boy?”

“No,” Jack said sharply, grinding his pen down into the page until the nib snapped. “We’re not naming our child after my parents.”

“Okay,” Katherine said hastily, “That’s fine. It was just an idea.” 

Jack nodded down at his sketchbook, tearing out the ripped page and crumpling it slowly.

Katherine quickly cast around for ways to defuse whatever hidden landmine she’d just stepped on and settled on something that always made her laugh. “Nellie?” She suggested, and waited.

He frowned. “Nellie Kelly?”

“Mhmm,” she said, starting to snicker. “It sounds great, doesn’t it? Or if we have a child who hates baths, we could call them—we could—” She tried to get the words out, but she was already laughing at her own untold joke.

“Smelly Kelly?” Jack asked wryly. 

“Yes!” She cackled. “Smelly Kelly! Or if we have a child who wobbles around and smells like fruit?”

“Jelly Kelly,” Jack said, rolling his eyes.

“If we have a child who likes to shout?”

“Yelly Kelly,” Jack groaned. 

Katherine was shaking with laughter now, so entertained by her own terrible wordplay that she didn’t even notice how close she was to rolling off the couch. “A… a wizard… a wizard child,” she gasped, hardly able to get the words out. 

Jack tugged at his ear, completely flummoxed. 

“Spelly Kelly!” She howled with laughter, wiping tears from her eyes. 

“Oh, Ace, that one was _bad_ ,” Jack chastised, but his eyes were twinkling. He started to smile as he watched her laugh, and then he said, “A child who works at Jacobi’s?”

“Oh! Deli Kelly!” Katherine squealed, starting to slip off the edge of the couch. She wasn’t quite able to catch herself, but she did manage to slow her fall enough that neither of them were alarmed when she ended up lying on the floor, still laughing. “Deli… Kelly…” She wheezed, reaching an arm under the coffee table to grab his thigh. “Please, Jack, oh, we have to, it’s too good to pass up…” 

He laid a hand atop hers and bent sideways to look at her from under the table. “Hmm,” he said teasingly. “And somehow all our friends think _you’re_ the sensible one.”   

She grinned at him as her laughter began to slow. “That’s because I _am_ ,” she said, her tone equally light. “You’re the one who wanted to practice for children by getting a kitten and naming it Dog.”

“Hey now,” he protested. “Dog is a great name for a cat! It’s normal but memorable, it fits with our last name, an’ you can get real cute nicknames out of it.” 

“True,” Katherine said. “Okay, then, Mr. Sensible, let’s hear your sensible suggestions for actual children’s names.” 

“Nicholas,” he said immediately. “Sturdy, sensible name, everyone knows it but not everyone has it, an’ with the nicknames it’ll work for a baby, a kid, and an adult.” 

“Nicholas,” Katherine mused, trying it out. “Hmm. I like it. I like Nicky and Nick, too.”

“Baby Nicky,” Jack pitched, lying down and scooting onto the rug under the coffee table so he was now parallel to her. “Sounds good, don’t it?”

“It does,” she said, pursing her lips. “Nicholas… Nicholas Luke?”

Jack beamed. “I love it.”

“Me, too,” she said, surprised. She blinked several times and frowned. “I thought that would be a lot harder.”

Jack chuckled. “When you’re as perfectly matched as we are, the hard things is easy,” He said, only half-joking.

She nodded and shifted closer to him. “I love you,” Katherine said, her voice full of the same matter-of-fact certainty as if she’d said ‘water is wet’ or ‘the sun is bright.’ He stretched his hand out across the floor to caress her cheek, and she turned her head to kiss his fingers. She closed her eyes and moved his hand to her chest, holding it against her heart, thumbing her hand over his ink-stained fingers. “Is there something I should know about your parents that you aren’t telling me, dear heart?” She asked softly, hoping she wouldn’t scare him away.

Jack swallowed hard and withdrew his hand. “No,” he said after a while. “No. They really were wonderful. I… I loved ‘em an awful lot, Ace. They was… they was real good parents.” He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment and then opened them again to meet her gaze. “I just don’t want to name our kid after ‘em. I know it’s stupid, but some part of me thinks that if we do that then maybe our child’ll end up the way they did, you know? Gone too young, no one even knowing where they are, and I just…” He took a deep breath. “I just can’t do it. I know it’s dumb, I _know_ that, but the idea of namin’ our baby after my parents makes my stomach knot an’ my head go all funny.” He bit his lower lip and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’m sorry, Ace, but we can’t call our boy Stephen or our girl Eileen. We just can’t.” 

“Okay,” she said. “We won’t, then. That’s fine.”

He sighed in relief. “Thanks, love.”

She laid her hand on her stomach and stroked it thoughtfully. “You don’t know where your parents are?”

He shook his head. “I was real young then, you know? I remember bits an’ pieces of the funeral services an’, uh, the sound of the earth bein’ shoveled in on the coffins..." He trailed off, scratched his head, and resumed. "I remember all that better for my da than for Mama, on account of how I was older then, but I remember they's buried together, an' I do recollect the men lowerin' his casket inta..." He looked at his hands, uncertain about how frank he wanted to be, and lost his nerve. "Um, well... I... I just mean I know that they’s— they’re buried _somewhere_." He coughed. "But ‘s not like my da ever brought me ta see Mama, ‘cause he said she wasn’t really there anyway so what was the point, an’…” He shrugged awkwardly against the floor. “Once he died there wasn’t anyone ta tell me where ta find them, anyway.” He rubbed the back of his neck and then began to pick at the rug. “Kids don’t memorize street names, an’ I moved around a lot once I was on my own, so all I got to go on is that they’s in the ground somewhere.” He gave a short laugh, made a noncommittal gesture, and rolled out from under the table so he could walk to the kitchen and start dinner. “But, like my da said, they ain’t really there, anyway,” he said, heading down the hallway as Katherine scrambled to her feet. “So it don’t matter.” 

But it did. She knew it did. It didn’t have to, of course, because Jack and his father were right—his parents weren’t in the graveyard. Not in the way that counted, anyway. She’d come to that conclusion on her own ages ago, in the years since Lucy had died, although she wouldn’t have put it quite so bluntly. Even so, she found it helpful to have a specific place to go to remember her sister—she liked to go leave flowers on anniversaries and the days where she missed Lucy more than usual—but she understood the sentiment behind Jack's words. And understanding that idea had helped her come to terms with the fact that her brothers never visited Lucy’s grave. It wasn’t that they didn’t care, and it didn’t mean that they weren’t grieving; it was just that they didn’t see any more of Lucy in that patch of earth than they did anywhere else. And that was okay. That was fine. That was how they needed to handle this. 

That wasn’t what was going on with Jack, though; she could tell from the way that he’d brushed it off that finding his parents' headstone, standing at their plot, seeing the physical evidence that his mother and father had truly existed—he needed that. He needed to bring this part of his childhood into the present, to hold it in front of him, to gauge the form of it, to feel its weight, to replace his fragmented memories with something fresh and solid and undeniably real. And she was going to find a way to help him do that.

She let it drop for now, though, and decided to tidy up the living room instead of following him into the kitchen to chop vegetables or wash apples. She’d give him some space, think about how to deal with this, and contribute to dinner by doing the washing up.

 

*

 

She put her plan in motion a week or so later, as they were wrapping up dinner. Jack was happily munching on ham and potatoes, shoveling overloaded forkfuls into his mouth as per the usual. Katherine sighed; she’d long since despaired of getting him to use proper table manners at home, but that didn’t mean she liked watching him eat. His terrible manners worked in her favor this time, though. When Jack ate, he mostly kept his eyes glued to his plate, as if wanting to make sure that his food couldn’t disappear on him, and that meant she could slip a thin manila envelope onto the table without him noticing. She cleared her throat gently; she’d finished eating at least five minutes ago and was bored of Jack’s smacking noises. 

He looked up, another mouthful halfway to his lips, and noticed her half-eaten meal. “I’m not finishing that for you, you know,” he cautioned. 

“I didn’t ask you to,” she said, rolling her eyes. Before her pregnancy, he’d more or less served as the family garbage disposal—he made sure that her leftovers didn’t go to waste, ate all of the slightly brown bananas that Katherine refused to touch, and found ways to make stale bread edible by turning it into delicious French toast or the toasted crumbled topping on a vegetable casserole. His role as the compost unit had changed over the last few months, though, because the things that Katherine ate now were, in a word, bizarre. In fact, tonight’s meal wasn't just bizarre— it was downright disgusting. She hadn’t been able to stomach ham for weeks, so she’d mixed canned tuna into her potatoes and doggedly ignored the fake gagging noises that Jack made as she did so. And although it hadn't turned her stomach, she hadn't been able to finish it, either.

“Good,” he said, returning to his food. “ ‘Cause I hate fish, even when it doesn’t look like… like…” He waved his hand at her. 

“You really don’t need to finish that simile,” she said dryly. “I get the point.”

He winked and chewed, reaching for another serving of cinnamon apples.

“I visited Specs at City Records last week,” she said, and he nodded. “I went to ask him for a favor,” she continued, slightly hesitant. “I didn’t tell you earlier because I wasn’t sure he could deliver, but, well…” She pushed the envelope across to him. “He found out where your parents are buried.”

Jack slowly lowered his fork to his plate and stared first at the envelope, then at Katherine.

“You don’t have to open it if you don’t want to,” she said hurriedly, “And I didn’t mean to overstep, I just—I wanted you to have the option of visiting them. Someday. If you ever feel like it. Which, uh, which you don’t have to.” She bit her bottom lip and scanned his face, trying to parse the hard set to his jaw and the tension around his eyes. Was he worried? Upset? Sad? She couldn’t quite tell, and so she hastened to explain further. “Sometimes it’s easier for me to say hello to Lucy when I’m alone, so—well, um, you can do that if you want, or I… well, I mean, sometimes it’s nice not to be by myself when I go, and so I’ll go with Mama or Father, and I… um…well…” _Come on, Katherine, use your words_. She plucked at a bow on her sleeve, accidentally untying it. “That’s not important, this isn’t about Lucy, it’s… Um…” She reached for her napkin and balled it into her fist. “What I’m trying to say is that if you want company then I’d be happy to go with you. I, uh… I’d really love to meet your parents,” She said, utterly sincere.

He had yet to so much as blink in response, so she swallowed hard and waited. Nothing. Nothing. Still nothing. And more nothing. Her heart began to flutter. _Oh no, oh no, I guessed wrong, this was a terrible idea, I meddled in something that I should’ve left alone, and heaven only knows how badly I messed this one up…_ She couldn't stand it anymore—she had to fill the silence between them. “Jack," she said, practically babbling now, "I’m sorry if this… if I hurt you by doing this, I swear I didn’t mean to, I just… I wanted you to be able to know. But I can tear it up right now,” she said, grabbing for the envelope, “And we can forget all about it. Okay? Just forget I brought this up, Jack, I’m sorry, I really…”

She paused as he laid a hand on the envelope and tugged it back towards him. He lifted it off the table and examined the outside, which had “Kelly Family Plot” written on it in Specs’ neat script. He exhaled slowly, rising from the table with the envelope in his hand. She watched him nervously, pinching her lips together with her teeth in order to stop herself from talking. He crossed to her side of the table, brushed her hair back from the side of her face, and bent to kiss the top of her head before leaving the kitchen, his steps measured and his stride easy.

 _Okay then_ , she thought. _I guess I’ll just have to wait._

 

*

 

“That’s them,” Jack said gruffly, motioning to a worn headstone a few feet away.

 

_Eileen O’Sullivan Kelly (1861-1887)_

_Stephen Francis Kelly (1860-1890)_

_And so we shall ever be with the Lord_

“That’s a beautiful verse,” Katherine said, clutching the small bouquet they’d bought from a flower girl on the way over here. 

Jack exhaled sharply through his nose. “Yeah, well, as a kid I was pretty mad they decided they’d rather be with the Lord than with me.” He scratched the back of his scalp and added, “I wanted ta join them at first, but they didn’t even leave room for me on the tombstone, so I had ta give that idea up pretty quick.”

Katherine looked up at him, her eyes expressing something he couldn’t quite interpret. It wasn’t pity, exactly, which Jack appreciated, but it was still more emotion than he could handle right now, so he just shrugged. “Go on, then,” he said. “This was your idea—you’re the one who wanted to meet my folks.” 

She nodded and laid a hand briefly on his right arm, which was locked stiffly at his side, before walking to the foot of the plot and slowly kneeling down.

“Hello,” she said softly, stretching out to place the bouquet on the grass in front of her. She shifted uncomfortably, trying in vain to find a position that would keep pressure off of her sore joints. “I’m Katherine,” she continued. “Your daughter-in-law.” She smiled, a small, private smile that Jack almost missed. “I came to say thank you… to thank you for Jack. He’s grown up to be a wonderful man. He’s kind and patient and caring, and he makes the world a better place. Every single day, he goes to work and changes the world, and then he comes home from work, and, well—then he changes me. He makes me better. He makes me _happy_. You’d be so proud of him; I know you would.” She laid a hand on the soft grass. “And I wanted to tell you all of that.” She ran her fingers up the stalk of a dandelion growing on top of the grave.

“And I also wanted to tell you that you’re going to be grandparents,” she added, smiling again. She braced a hand under her growing belly and sat quietly for a moment, wondering when the baby would begin to kick like Rosie had said it would. “I’m sorry you’re not here to see it, but I wanted you to know.” She bent her head to pray, her lips mouthing the words to the Lord’s Prayer before moving on to secret words known only to herself and God. When she finished, she looked back up to read the inscription on the headstone again. “So. Thank you.” She pushed a stray curl from her face. “I’m so glad to finally have met you, and thank you again for Jack. I love him,” she said simply, brushing her hands on her skirt. She began to try to rise from the cemetery lawn, biting her lip at the dull, persistent ache in her bones. 

Then she felt strong, calloused hands lifting her to her feet. “I gotcha, Ace,” Jack said quietly, slipping his arm around her and taking on most of her weight. “There we go, love.” He pressed a kiss to her auburn hair and steadied himself before turning to the headstone and giving a nod. “Right then, Mama, Da. I, uh…” He brushed at his nose and felt Katherine give his hand a squeeze. “I’ll see you. We’ll… we’ll bring the baby by. It’s some months yet, but… we’ll visit. All three of us.” He swallowed hard, relaxing when he felt Katherine lean her head on his shoulder. He cleared his throat and began to guide her away from the plot, making sure to keep his stride short enough to match hers. After a while, he hugged her shoulders and sighed. “Thanks, Ace.”

She reached her hand up to settle it gently on top of his, and they turned for home.

_*_

They stayed silent on the trolley ride back to their neighborhood, Jack wrapping his arm around her as she cuddled up against him and rested her hands on her growing belly. He kept his pace slow for her as they walked home from the trolley stop, but they still had to pause for a minute when they reached their apartment building; Katherine’s hips hurt too much to manage the stairs just then. He guided her to a nearby bench and pulled her in close, pressing a kiss to her forehead and gently massaging her left hip. 

“What about Frank?” She asked, nestling against him. “We wouldn’t be naming him exactly after your father, but it’s close enough to Francis that we’d know it was for him.”

Jack made a soft noise and leaned his head on hers. “I like that,” he murmured. 

She smiled. “And Eleanor for a girl?” 

“Mmm,” he said after a moment, nodding against her hair. “Nicholas Frank and Eleanor… Leah?”

Katherine smiled and laid a hand on his thigh. “Perfect. Nicholas Frank and Eleanor Leah.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Railway Children was published in 1906. That excerpt is from Chapter 7.  
> The first canned tuna was produced in 1904.  
> The quote on the headstone is the KJV translation of 1 Thessalonians 4:17b. (The KJV is not my favorite translation, but it does have some beautifully poetic lines, and I know it was used back then.)
> 
> I loooooooove hearing your thoughts-- please talk to me! <3


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Jack and Katherine prepare the nursery and discuss their worries.

**October 1908**

“Can ya hand me the smaller brush, Ace? I missed a spot up here but it’s small an’ I don’t wanna put myself in for havin’ ta lay a whole ‘nother coat on the whole wall.”

“Sure,” Katherine said, bending over awkwardly to fish a paintbrush out of the tray of pale orange paint.

“Thanks, love.” 

Katherine scanned the room as she handed it to him. “My mother isn’t convinced about orange for a nursery,” she said, returning to the pile of freshly washed baby dresses and cloth diapers that she was folding and carefully arranging in the drawers of the small cedar dresser they’d bought for the nursery. “But I think she’ll change her mind once she sees it. It’s going to be as beautiful as a Santa Fe sunrise, Jack.”

He turned to give her a smile, dripping paint onto the dropcloth below. They’d shoved the few items of furniture that they’d already purchased into the center of the room, laid a generous spread of newspapers and old sheets across the floor, opened the window so that things could air out fairly quickly, and spent the last two days painting and arranging. Things were coming along nicely, especially considering that Katherine wasn’t due for another five months. 

He finished touching up the spot and climbed down the stepladder, dipping to gather up the brushes he’d used earlier to paint birds around the ceiling and plants around the floor. “I’m glad we got this done so early,” he said, walking out of the nursery and into the bathroom to wash out his brushes. “Makes things a little less… hmm.” He rubbed at his neck, trying to find the right word.

“Terrifying?” Katherine called from the nursery, folding the last of the dresses. 

He laughed. “Yeah.” He finished with the brushes, cleaned off his hands, and returned to the nursery to take stock. “I guess we still need a chair f’r us ta sit in when we’re in here, an’ a bassinet for our bedroom, an’ some toys ‘n stuff… do babies play with toys, or do they just kinda… lie there?” 

Katherine shrugged. “I think babies mostly play with whatever you hand them. We could probably just see what toys we get from the baby shower Mama, Connie, and Edie are having for us?”

“Sounds good to me,” Jack said, putting the lids back on the paint cans and hauling them back to the closet. “Say, Ace?” 

“Mmm?” Katherine said, closing the dresser drawers and stepping out of the nursery to go start dinner. They’d arranged it so that she cooked one night a week, and after several years of trial and error, she’d finally mastered a few simple dishes. 

“Didja mean it earlier? When you said you were terrified?” 

Katherine made a face and paused to think, looking down at the slight swell of her belly. “I’m not scared all the time,” she said slowly. “And the baby hasn’t started kicking yet, so when I’m feeling really worried I can still pretend that I’m just… I don’t know, that I’m just gaining weight, I guess. But then I think if the baby were kicking it would be more exciting, too—I’d feel like I was getting to know our child instead of just being a glorified incubator like the ones down at Coney Island.”

She sighed and picked at her cuticles. “I know there are some women who love being pregnant, but I don’t. I really, really don’t. And so that makes me worry that… Well, what if I don’t love being a mother, either?” She met his eyes, uncertainty etched across her face. “I loved helping with my younger siblings, and I love those little newsies, and I love Daniel, but… none of them are my responsibility. At the end of the day, I get to say goodbye and goodnight and leave them to the people who are actually in charge.” 

She shook her head and tugged absently at her braid. “But this baby is going to be here all of the time, Jack, and it is going to need us to do absolutely everything for it. And I’m worried that… that I’m going to get it wrong. That I’m going to ruin our child’s life before…” She laughed ruefully. “Well, before it has a chance to do that itself.” Katherine bit her lip and looked over at the closed nursery door. “What if the baby knows that I have no idea what I’m doing, Jack? What if the baby _hates_ me?”

“Ohhh, darlin’,” Jack exhaled softly. “That’s a lotta worries ya ain’t told me about yet, love.” He took a few steps towards her and pulled her in for a hug. “I’m worried about the same things,” he admitted. “I hardly remember my da, an’ I certainly don’t remember anythin’ of how he an’ Mama took care of me when I was an infant. Heck, I’d hardly spent any time at all around babies before Daniel.” Jack took a deep breath and released Katherine so he could tilt her chin up and look her in the eyes. “I ain’t got the foggiest idea of what I’m doin’, Ace. How on earth am I gonna be a good dad if I don’t even know what a dad does?” 

“Jackie!” Katherine protested, her eyes flashing. “You are going to be a _wonderful_ father! You care so much about your boys, you’d do anything for them, you make sure they have enough to eat, that they get seen by the doctor, that they keep a roof over their heads and have the spending money for something fun every now and again, that they know how to stay out of trouble and how to treat each other right. And you’ll do the same for your own child. I know you will. You might not know everything there is to know about being a dad, but you are going to figure it out as you go along, and you’re going to be the best father our child could ever hope to have.”

He raised his eyebrows in one of those ‘I told you so’ looks he’d perfected back when he was a borough leader. “ ‘Zactly. Now. That confidence you have in me? I have that same confidence in you. Whenever I start to get real nervous about bein’ a parent, I look over at you an’ remind myself that if someone as smart as you thinks I can do this, then I absolutely can. An’ that’s how I feel about you, macushla.” Katherine dropped her head, but Jack lifted it up again. “Are we gonna make mistakes left an’ right? You bet. But are we gonna be great parents who absolutely adore this kid an’ who find a way through with a lotta love an’ support an’ hands-on help from your family an’ my boys?” He tapped her on the nose. “You best believe it. An’ if we take this on together the way we plan to, then we’ll win out. We always do.” 

She smiled and hugged him. “You’re right. Besides, heaven knows my parents bungled things royally sometimes, and I turned out okay.” 

“An’ I was mostly raised by feral newsboys,” he said with a laugh, “An’ I turned out pretty okay, too.” 

“I’d say you turned out more than okay,” Katherine said, pulling back to kiss him gently. “I’d say you turned out great.”

He grinned and tried to deepen the kiss, but she placed a finger on his lips and ruffled his hair. “Uh uh, Mr. Kelly. It’s Sunday—you’ve got that weekly appointment at Medda’s, remember?”

He tilted his head back and groaned. “Shoot, yeah. Okay.” He went to the bedroom to pull on his waistcoat and find a pair of warm socks, and Katherine headed in the opposite direction, intent on having dinner ready for him when he got home. 

“She seems to need a lot more help from you than she used to,” she called down the hallway. “Is her theater doing okay?” 

“Hmm?” Jack said, walking past the kitchen to grab his boots and coat, which were by the door. “Oh, no, her theater’s fine. Did I tell you she keeps askin’ about our bun in the oven? Took me a while ta figure out she meant the baby.”

“A bun?” Katherine said, poking her head out of the kitchen and looking adorably confused. “Am I… am I the oven?” 

“You must be,” Jack said, snickering a little. “My beautiful oven what cooks babies." He clapped a hand over his mouth. "Oh no, that came out wrong.” 

“I’ll say,” Katherine said, mildly horrified. “I would never cook a baby!”

“But you _are_ ,” Jack insisted, going to lay his hands on her stomach. “Hey there, little bun,” he crooned, crouching down so he was eye-level with her belly. “You be nice to Mama while I’m out with Gramma Medda, okay?”

“You think Medda wants to be a grandmother rather than an aunt?” Katherine asked, crossing her arms and raising an eyebrow.

“Huh,” Jack said, rising. “Hadn’t thought about that. I’ll ask her,” he said, shrugging and buttoning up the coat Katherine had bought him all those years ago when they were still dating. 

“You do that,” Katherine said, unlocking the door for him and pressing a kiss to his cheek. “Go on now, dear heart; you don’t want to keep Miss Medda waiting.” 

“I’ll be back by eight,” he promised, heading out into the hallway.

“No hurry,” she said, waving goodbye. “Bunny and I will hold down the fort.” 

“Bunny,” Jack repeated, breaking into a wide grin. “I like that.”

“Me, too,” Katherine said, wiggling her nose at him like a rabbit. “Now scoot.”

His eyes twinkled. “Bye, macushla. Bye, bunny.”

Katherine giggled. “Bye, Jack,” she said, starting to close the door. 

“Bye, bunny!” He called again, and as he did so, Katherine felt a jolt inside her.

 _Was… was that… oh my heavens, was that…_ She froze in place and stared down, and there it came again, and oh my goodness, yes, that was—“ _Jack!_ ” She yelled, even though he hadn’t even left the landing yet. “Jack, get back here! Hurry!”

He spun around, completely panicked, and raced over so quickly that he nearly tripped over his own feet. “Aah! What’s wrong, what hap—”

“No, no, it’s good! It’s good,” she said, her eyes the size of saucers. She grabbed his hand and pressed it to her stomach. “Feel!”

Jack looked at her, uncertain, but then the baby kicked once more, and he gasped, tears starting to his eyes. “Katherine,” he whispered. “Katherine, that’s…” He licked his lips and stared down at her stomach. “That’s our baby. That’s our _child_.”

She nodded, cupping her hands over her nose and mouth, trying not to cry.

“Hi bunny,” he said, his voice cracking. “Hey there, bunny, baby, my baby…” The baby kicked again, and that did both Jack and Katherine in—she began to sob into her hands as he cried against her stomach, and then they looked at each other and began to laugh.

“We’re a mess,” she hiccupped, smiling through her tears. “This poor child.” 

“This blessed child,” he said, kissing her belly and wiping his face on his sleeve. “ _Our_ child.” 

She laid a hand to his head and continued to cry. “Go on, Jackie. You’re going to be late.” 

He hugged her tighter and shook his head. “I’m gonna call Medda an’ cancel. She’ll understand.”

Katherine was about to protest, but the baby kicked again and she changed her mind. “She will,” she said, her words barely intelligible. “Oh, Jackie, it’s real, our baby is _real!_ I can’t…” She covered her face with her hands again and cried in happiness and fear and relief and excitement, treasuring up the movement of her child and the warm, comforting press of her husband’s hands. 

“Hey, bunny,” he said again, and smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! Sorry for the monthlong pause. I was stuck on this story, and, in an attempt to get unstuck, I decided to write a 1000 word thing just to cleanse my palate. However, the 1000 word drabble spiraled completely out of control and turned into a [57,000 word epic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13634406/chapters/31310319), so... Oops. (That one is also Jack/Kath if you think you'd be interested in my take on them in a modern college(ish) AU. Just FYI.) Anyway, I'm back to this one now, and yesterday I also posted [a 2000 word omitted scene](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13934157) that takes place between Chapters 4 and 5 of this fic, so with that + this chapter hopefully you will not hold the hiatus against me for too long. ;)
> 
> I was going to have Katherine folding onesies, but apparently Edwardian era babies wore dresses. Lots and lots of dresses. Also boots. With buttons. Calm down, wealthy Edwardian parents; babies do not need shoes, especially not shoes with small, hard-to-button buttons.
> 
> The incubator babies at Coney Island was a real thing. You've probably heard of it, but if not, give it a google. :)
> 
> Bun in the oven is anachronistic (1951), but… IT'S A BUN PUN. I had to.  
>    
> I hope you liked it! <3


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Katherine insists on doing things her own way.

**February 1909 (8 months pregnant)**

It was the first Friday of the month, which meant that Joseph Pulitzer had stopped by with a massive delivery of meats, cheeses, fruit, sliced bread, and assorted cookies from his monthly board meeting, for which too much food had been ordered for… Jack paused to think. For the fiftieth month in a row? Was that how long he and Katherine had been hosting their monthly Saturday game night for the (mostly ex-)newsies? Something like that. They’d been married for four and a half years now, after all. Goodness.

“Staying for dinner, Joe?” Jack asked, taking bags from Pulitzer’s withered hands and bringing them into the kitchen.

“I really shouldn’t,” he said gruffly, clearly hoping that either Jack or Katherine would protest. 

Katherine took the bait. “Please, Father?” 

“If you insist,” he said, pulling out his usual chair at the kitchen table and trying not to be too obviously pleased.

“We do,” she said, easing into the armless chair opposite him.

“How are you, then?” He asked, nodding at her.

“Fine,” she said, mostly lying.

Pulitzer nodded to Jack, who was setting out tableware and the barley casserole he’d made that evening. “Any more bleeding?”

“No,” she said, adjusting the cushions under her. “The bedrest seems to be working.”

“Good,” said her father, taking the napkin from the table and placing it in his lap. “And you have the midwife on call for the birth?”

She paused, and Jack gave her a confused look. “Yes,” he said. 

“No,” she said at the same time.

Pulitzer raised an eyebrow and turned his head from Katherine to Jack and back again. It was mostly for show; he couldn’t see well enough to read the expressions on their faces anymore, but the gesture stood. “Which is it, Kitty?”

“No,” she repeated. “I’m giving birth in a hospital.”

“You _what_?” Jack snapped, dropping a basket of rolls on the floor. He bent immediately to pick them all up, using the distraction to give himself time for a few deep breaths.

“A hospital,” she repeated calmly. “I’m going to have this baby in a hospital.”

“You most certainly are not,” Pulitzer said, his voice cold. “No daughter of mine is having her baby in one of those death houses.” 

“They’re not death houses, Father,” she said, her voice taking on an icy edge of its own. “More and more women are giving birth in hospitals these days. Trust me—I’ve done my homework. I’m going to write a story about it, obviously—a firsthand account of what it’s like from the woman’s point of view. I’ve talked to quite a lot of mothers, nurses, and doctors about all of this, and they all swear that having a baby in the hospital is safer than it’s ever been.”

“Maybe so, but it is absolutely not safe enough for _you_ ,” Pulitzer said through gritted teeth. “Your mother gave birth to seven healthy children with the aid of a midwife. Seven children, Katherine,” he said, smacking his hand loudly on the table, “And not once did she suffer from childbed fever.”

Katherine rolled her eyes. “She had her last child ages ago. Medicine has come a long way since then; hospitals are better equipped to handle a range of emergencies than a single midwife is.”

“Midwives know more about delivering children,” Pulitzer countered. “And women who give birth at home don’t die of childbed fever.” 

“They do sometimes,” she said, her face set in a mulish frown. 

He growled. “And they almost _always_ do in hospitals. I refuse to let you have this baby in a hospital, Katherine. I _forbid_ it.”

“Hang on, there, Joe,” Jack said, having regathered the rolls and placed them on the kitchen counter. He’d eat them later, but not in front of his father-in-law. “This is Katherine’s decision.”

“You mean to tell me you approve of this idiotic notion?” Pulitzer glared in Jack’s general direction.

“No,” Jack said, his voice steady again. “I don’t agree with her on this. I want Katherine having this baby here in the apartment with the midwife who’s been seeing her for the last five months.” Katherine fumed. “But,” Jack continued, looking over at his heavily pregnant wife, “I know that when it comes to giving birth, what I want doesn’t matter as much as she wants. And if she wants to have our baby in a hospital, then that’s what will happen.”

Pulitzer flushed dark with rage. “Have you ever _seen_ a woman die of childbed fever, Jack? Because I have, over and over and over again, and let me tell you, it is not a pretty sight. You really mean to tell me you are willing to risk losing your wife—and possibly your child—just to indulge your wife’s whim to write a newspaper article?”

“I trust your daughter,” Jack said evenly. “I don’t think this is a decision she made on a whim. And even if it is, if this is what she thinks is best for her, then I will support that decision.” He took a deep breath and clutched the back of his chair so tightly that the blood stopped circulating to his fingers. “As for your other question, Joe—yes. Yes, I have seen women die of childbed fever. I grew up in the tenements, in case you forgot, and I saw childbed fever take Mrs. O’Grady and Mrs. Sullivan and Mrs. Murphy and Mrs. Walsh before consumption took my ma.” He exhaled slowly and hoped Katherine couldn’t tell just how rattled he was. “But if Katherine says that hospitals are safe now, then I believe her. And if she wants to give birth in a hospital, then I will drive her there myself if I have to.”

“I have to go,” Pulitzer said roughly, leaving his food untouched. “Good night.” 

Neither Jack nor Katherine moved to escort him to the door; they knew it would only make him angrier. Instead they held their breath until they heard the door slam shut, Jack jumping slightly at the sound. He pulled out his own chair and sat down shakily, resting his hand on his hands so that the heels of his palms covered his eyes. 

“All those women,” Katherine said softly. “They all… you really saw them all die of childbed fever?” 

Jack grunted, not moving his hands from his face. 

They sat in silence for a minute, and then Katherine swallowed hard and reached out to her husband. “Jackie,” she whispered, “I’m going to put my hand on your shoulder, okay?” He nodded, and she began to work at his muscles, which were knotted with tension. “Thank you, dear heart,” she said, looking briefly down at her stomach. “Thank you for trusting me. And for saying so.”

“Always,” he said, and he turned his head slightly to meet her eyes. “I ain’t gonna lie, Ace—it won’t be easy for me ta see you havin’ our baby in a hospital. Not after I saw alla those women come home from the hospital fit as fiddles an’ then, a few days later, saw ‘em lyin’ cold in their graves.” He shuddered and squeezed his eyes open and shut a few times to rid himself of the memories. “But,” he said, taking another deep breath, “I’m goin’ off what I saw as a kid nigh on twenty years ago. Heck, it was a different century then,” he said with a slight chuckle. “An’ like you said—you’ve done the research on this. You know more’n me. An’ if this is what you want, then I’ll make sure you get it. I swear.”

“Thank you,” she said quietly. “But this is your baby, too. And I’m your wife. I don’t get to make these decisions on my own. Nor do I want to.” She stroked the side of his face with the back of her hand and said, “Heart of my heart, love of my life, I would never do anything to cause you pain. And if me giving birth in a hospital has you this scared? I won’t do it. We’ll call the midwife instead.”

“No!” He said, grabbing for her hand. “No, I don’t want you changin’ your mind just on account of—” 

“Jack,” she said. “You didn’t argue me out of something I desperately wanted. I thought it would be nice to find a way to bring my work into something that’s kept me from working for the last several weeks, but I can still write the article even if I have the baby here; it doesn’t have to be about my own experience. I can do interviews with other women and maybe talk my way into a few hospital delivery rooms once Bunny is born. It’s okay.” 

He knelt on the floor in front of her and pressed a kiss to her belly. “Are you sure, Ace?” He asked, looking up at her through his long, dark lashes, fear flickering in his eyes. “I don’t want ya to feel like I’m pressurin’ ya into anything, or like you aren’t in control of this, I…” He blinked rapidly and licked his lips, which were chapped from the harsh winter. “This ain’t about me, macushla. It’s about you. It’s what _you_ want that matters.” 

“What I want is for us to both be as happy as we can be,” she said, running her fingers through his hair. “And I think that we’ll both be happier if I have the baby here at home. So that’s what we’ll do.” She saw some lingering uncertainty in his eyes and tugged gently on one of his earlobes. “I’m sure, love.”

“Okay,” Jack said, laying his head on her stomach and closing his eyes. “Hey there, Bunny,” he said, his voice low. “You’s got the best mama in the whole wide world, you know that? She loves me more’n anything, but she’s gonna love you even more’n she loves me. An’ I promise you, Bunny—you’s gonna adore her. You’s gonna adore her so much ya can’t hardly stand it. Heck, I bet ya already do.” He grinned. “I know _I_ do. An’ I love you, too, Bunny.” He placed his hand on Katherine’s side, and she guided it to where he could feel the baby’s head through her skin. He smiled and traced his fingers over the outline of his unborn child. “My baby. My own li’l baby. I love you so much, snugglebunny. An’ I can’t wait ta meet ya.”

 

*

 

“Macushla,” Jack called. “I’m home, love!”

“Do you have the pickles and peppermints?” Katherine yelled back.

“Yes,” he answered, making a face at the combination. He’d forgotten to bring home the food she’d requested only once before, and he liked to joke that it had been the biggest mistake of his life, even worse than the absurdly inane decision he’d made once (again, only once) to fight both of the Delanceys by himself in a narrow alleyway at night.

“My hero,” she said loudly. “Bring them here? Everything hurts and I can’t move.”

“Can’t or won’t?” He teased, finding her propped up in bed with two pillows squashed under her knees, another three pushed behind her lower back, and yet another cushioning her neck.

“Both,” she groaned, stretching her arms out to him and opening and closing her hands rapidly, demanding her salt and sugar. She sighed in satisfaction as he handed them over, and she quickly pried open the jar to drink some of the pickle juice, chasing it with a handful of the candy. 

“So your mom was here this afternoon?” He asked her, one eyebrow raised, pointing to a shattered water glass in the corner of the bedroom. He knew that when Katherine was alone she sometimes vented her frustrations in... visible ways.

“Ughhhh,” she said. “She won’t let this nursemaid thing _go_! Can we strike her from the ‘Let’s Entertain Katherine So She Doesn’t Go Completely Insane’ Roster, please?”

Jack laughed and sat down on the bed, slipping off her woolen socks and starting to massage her feet.

“Ohhh, that feels good,” she said, leaning her head back in bliss. “Oh, Jack. Oh, yes, aaah, right there, I… Mmm. This is better than sex.”

“Gee, thanks,” Jack said wryly.

Katherine was too focused on her feet and her annoyance with her mother to care. “She says I’ll be able to get back to work quicker if I don’t nurse the baby myself, that I’ll be providing some poor woman with adequate pay and a safe job if I hire her as a nursemaid, that the baby will be happier and healthier if I’m not moping around the house all day….” She sighed.

“She knows you well,” Jack noted. “No arguments about how lower-class women are the only ones who nurse their kids, no arguments about ‘what will people think,’ no arguments about fitting into your old dresses again…” 

Katherine snorted. “True. She pitched it the right way, I’ll give her that. Although she also said that you’d be more attracted to me if I didn’t nurse, and boy, was that one off the mark.”

“I’ll say,” Jack said, incredulous. “Has she even _looked_ at your breasts lately? My gosh, Kath, they’s like… I mean, just the _sight_ of ‘em makes me…” He trailed off as he stared at her chest, his expression gradually glazing over as his hands slowed in their attentions to her feet. 

Katherine rolled her eyes. “Jack,” she said, snapping her fingers as close to his face as she could reach. “Jack! Come on, love, you’re drooling on the bed.” 

“Mmm,” he said dreamily. “Katherine Kelly, you are gorgeous. May I kiss you?”

“Pickle breath,” she said, before returning to her venting session. “And you want to know the worst of it?” She asked, not even waiting for Jack’s response. “She said that if I wouldn’t get a nursemaid, I should at least use cow’s milk to supplement my own, because I couldn’t possibly feed the baby properly by myself!” Katherine’s countenance grew dark, and suddenly the shards of glass in the corner made even more sense than they had before. “Has she forgotten about Spot and our entire anti-swill milk crusade? Does she want me to poison her grandchild?” She shifted angrily on the bed and glared at Jack. “There is no way in _hell_ that I am feeding my child any store-bought milk, Jack. No way, do you hear me? None!” 

“I hear ya, Ace,” he said calmly, switching to the other foot. “And no nursemaid, either. Got it.”

 

*

 

“I’m so tired, Jackie,” Katherine said, not even bothering to lift her head from the couch or open her eyes. “I’m so tired all the time, and there’s not even a _reason_ for it.”

Jack snorted. “Of _course_ there’s a reason for it—you’re growin’ a whole person!”

Katherine burst into tears. “All I do is lie around! I haven’t even left the apartment since that charlatan of a doctor ordered bedrest!” 

Jack knelt down in front of Katherine to hold her hand and press a kiss to her forehead. “I know the bedrest has been hard on you, love, but it’s for the best. You haven’t had any more bleeding, and the midwife is pleased with how Bunny’s growing.” 

Katherine’s face only crumpled further. “I just feel so useless, Jack! Women go around having children all the time, and you don’t see them with their feet up in bed, do you? No! They’re out their getting their work done and feeding their families and chasing their little ones, and me? I’m just an overweight incubator, and I’m not even a very good one! I can’t even walk down the stairs to the cellar for fear I’ll lose the baby!” 

He rolled his eyes at her. “Now that’s not fair—plenty of other women are on bedrest. You just don’t see them around, is all. You know, on account of how they’re in their _beds_.”

Katherine tried another line. “I bet they’re at least knitting things and darning socks and getting things done, though. My head is so foggy that I can hardly finish writing a paragraph without needing a break, and I’m not even writing anything _important_ , I’m writing about winter fashions and the society gossip I can get Mama and the girls to tell me!”

Jack sighed and stroked her cheek. “Growing a person is hard work, love. Important work, too. It’s okay that you’re not writing hot news right now.”

Katherine wailed. “But I want to be! It’s just that this stupid baby won’t _let_ me!” Her eyes widened as soon as she spoke, and then her face went white. “Oh no, Jack, I didn’t mean it like that, I—do you think Bunny heard? Do you think _God_ heard? What if Bunny hates me now? What if something goes wrong?” She drew in a shuddering breath. “Oh no, oh no, if anything goes wrong now then it’ll all be my fault, and oh, Jack— I’ve— I’ve killed our _baby!_ ” She yanked her hand from Jack’s and flipped to hide her face in the couch cushions, heaving desperate, ugly sobs. 

Jack pressed the heel of one hand to his forehead and let out a long breath before rolling his shoulders, wiping the exasperation off his face, and scooping Katherine up in his arms. Eight months of pregnancy had left her large and swollen, yet another change in her life that had her feeling inadequate, but he had no trouble hefting her off the couch and resettling them both so that he was sitting down with her resting heavily in his lap.

“Katherine,” he said firmly, forcing her chin up so that she had to meet his eyes, even as she continued to cry. “Listen to me. You are not gonna kill Bunny by saying things. God don’t work like that.” He raised an eyebrow at her until she nodded. “Okay. Good. Next thing: Our baby ain’t gonna hate you. Babies don’t work like that.” Katherine’s eyes welled with fresh tears and she started to shake her head, but Jack tightened his grip on her chin and held her in place. “They don’t, love. I know. Trust me. An’ I also know that Bunny is gonna love you no matter what. After all, Bunny’s half me, right?” He smiled tenderly and winked. “I love ya to the moon an’ back, Ace, so even if only my half of this kid loves ya, that’s still more’n enough love ta move mountains.” 

Katherine tried to smile, but all she managed to do was wobble her lips and sniffle.

Jack brushed a tangled lock of hair from her face. “I know this has been real tough on you, love, but you’re tougher. You are.” He squeezed her arm in reassurance. “An’ I hope you already know this, but just in case you don’t—I’m real proud of you, macushla. I know I don’t say it all the time, but I am. Every day. Every day I look at you, carryin’ a child inside of ya, makin’ it through another day bein’ cooped up an’ frustrated, an’ I shake my head in awe. This is hard for you in a way that chasin’ a story ain’t, an’ I’m so proud of ya for just gettin’ through the days. Prouder’n I’ve ever been of ya, in fact.”

Katherine frowned, unsure if she should be offended or pleased. After a moment’s reflection, though, she decided to take the compliment in the spirit in which it had been meant. Besides, now that he’d said it, she realized that this _was_ the hardest thing she’d ever done. _Of course it took Jack to point that out_ , she thought, sighing. “Thanks, Jack,” she said, her voice still shaky. “Keep reminding me?” 

“Of course,” he said, brushing a thumb over the knuckles of her hand. “Ya feelin’ any better?”

She nodded, and he smiled. “Want I should read to you?”

She nodded again, and he reached over her to the coffee table to snag the copy of _Anne of Green Gables_ he’d brought home the other day. “Chapter Two,” he said, clearing his throat. “Matthew Cuthbert is surprised.” Katherine giggled, and Jack relaxed slightly. Maybe there wouldn’t be any more tears today. “Matthew Cuthbert and the sorrel mare jogged comfortably over the eight miles to Bright River….”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Joseph Pulitzer was nearly blind by this point in his life.
> 
> Childbed (puerperal) fever is an infection that killed a lot of women historically, particularly once hospitals became more of a thing, because doctors wouldn't wash their hands from one patient to the next (and other, grosser things). The idea of washing your hands had caught on enough by the late 1800s that hospitals were actually generally safe places to give birth (comparatively, anyway), but I have Jack and Pulitzer objecting because I think it's reasonable for them to be terrified of it from what they saw during childhood (Jack) / adulthood (Pulitzer). Women do still die of puerperal fever, but it is much rarer in developed countries nowadays. 
> 
> Swill milk has been addressed in earlier stories, so I'm not going to rehash it-- click back to the previous story in this series or google it if you want more info. :) 
> 
> _Anne of Green Gables_ was published in June 1908.
> 
> There's another smut interlude that fits between last chapter and this chapter. Do people want that? It's like 2200 words of J&K being very, very dirty. :/
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter! The last section is from a prompt someone gave me, but the rest is new. Also, this is the last chapter in this series where Jack & Kath are childless-- Baby Kelly makes their arrival in the next installment! Last chance to guess whether they're having a boy or a girl! :D <3


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Baby Kelly arrives!

**March 1909**

Katherine groaned as she levered herself out of bed to pee for what felt like the millionth time that night. “Oh no, are you kidding me?” She said, feeling liquid already dripping down her legs. Honestly, pregnancy was horrible, why couldn’t this baby make up its mind to be born already, she hated this, hated it, hated— _wait_. She was wet, and her side of the bed was sopping, but it didn’t smell like it did when her bladder leaked or when their cat Mitzi peed in the corner of the living room (which Mitzi did often, for some unfathomable reason).

Oh no. 

 _No_. 

She looked over at Jack, who was sleeping soundly, the lucky bastard, sprawled across the opposite side of the bed with complete abandon. Maybe she could just… not tell him? Yeah, that would work, that would definitely—“Ohhhhh,” she moaned, feeling a stabbing pain in her abdomen. So that part of her nightmare had been real. Great. She rose from the bed and staggered to the bathroom, flipping on the light and reaching for a towel to mop herself up. Mitzi leapt off of Jack’s stomach and followed her, winding between and around Katherine’s legs and looking hopefully upwards. 

“It’s not time for food,” Katherine grumped, looking at her fluffy, annoyingly insistent cat. “It’s… it’s time for a baby,” she said, meeting her own gaze in the mirror. “Heaven help me.” She looked wan and terrified, and she wasn’t ready. She’d thought she wanted this baby, but now she knew she didn’t. Nope. Nope nope nope could she please go back ten months and slap some sense into herself, because this was terrible. This was the worst idea she’d ever had. This was the stupidest thing she’d ever done. This was—“Ohhhhh!” She cried again, clutching at her overstretched stomach. “Stop it, Bunny, stop it! We are _not_ doing this right now, do you hear me? Just—just stay where you are, okay? I can’t do this today. Maybe tomorrow. Okay? Listen up baby—not today. Try again tomorrow.”

She waddled back to the bedroom and laid down again, starting to cry as she felt the wet patch of amniotic fluid soaking into her nightgown. She cried for minutes that felt like hours, deep, wrenching sobs that shook her body and the bed, praying for some way to press a button and erase the last ten months. She’d gotten herself into an unfixable mess this time, there was no doubt about that. No need to drag Jack into it, too, though—she’d just… she’d just sleep the rest of the night on the couch and let him rest. This was a dream, this was a nightmare, this would all be better in the morning. Sound sleeper that he had become, he hadn’t so much as stirred throughout her meltdown, and so she was unsurprised when he remained completely still as she left for the living room, Mitzi trotting eagerly after her.

“This isn’t happening, Bunny!” She said, easing herself onto the couch. “I told you, I’m not ready yet. Leave me alone, okay? Calm down and let me sleep, Bunny, please,” she said, punching a pillow on the couch and trying to find a comfortable position. Eventually she did fall asleep again, the infrequent contractions incorporating themselves into her next nightmare, and she spent the next several hours chasing a laughing child through her dreams, then running from something she couldn’t name, then simply moaning in pain on the couch.

She woke to Jack’s hand on her shoulder. “Katherine?” He looked panicky, and sweat was dripping down his face despite the cold March night.

“Tell Bunny I said no,” she hissed through her teeth. “The baby listens to you—tell it I said no. Tell Bunny we are not doing this. Tell Bunny—aah!” She gripped Jack’s arm so tightly that he winced. “Jack!”

He pried her fingers off his arm and ran to the desk across the room, fumbling frantically for the phone. “Hello? Hello, yes, it’s Jack Kelly, please hurry, oh shit, my wife Katherine, she—yes, yes, she’s in labor, please come quickly!” He waited for an eyeblink to hear the confirmation that the midwife was indeed on her way, and then he slammed the phone down and dialed Crutchie, cursing as his finger slipped and he had to start over with the achingly slow rotary dial. “Crutch, it’s me, Kath’s in labor, get over here _now!_ ” 

He dashed into the hallway then, unlocking and opening the door so that the midwife could come in as soon as she arrived. “Katherine, darlin’, oh, sweetheart, hang on, hang on,” he pleaded, grabbing one of her hands and stroking her forehead and hair with the other. “Do you want anythin’? Can I getcha anythin’? Some tea, a pillow, the cat, an apple?”

She squeezed his hand and gritted her teeth through the pain. “Why the hell would I want an _apple_ , Jack?” 

“I don’t know!” He said, his eyes wild. “I don’t know! What do you want, love? What do you need?”

“I need this baby to stop ruining my _life_!” Katherine spat, beads of sweat forming on her forehead. “Why did we do this, Jack, why did we _do_ this?! Aaaaaaa,” she screamed, this time in sheer anger.

“I don’t know!” He gabbled, dropping her hand to run to the kitchen and return with an armful of food, a glass of water, and a blanket he’d snatched from the back of a chair.

“I don’t _want_ any of that, Jack!” She shrieked. “Get it out! Get it _out_!”

He blanched and ran back to the kitchen, bare feet slapping against the wooden floorboards. The midwife knocked on the door as he did so, and Jack practically collapsed in relief, dragging the middle-aged woman back to the living room. The midwife took one look at Katherine and frowned. “We need to get you up and back into bed,” she said. “This couch is too small.” 

“I’m _not_ moving!” Katherine snapped, clutching the leg of the couch as the next contraction hit.

“Oh yes, you are,” said the midwife, completely unfazed, motioning for Jack to help her lift Katherine up. 

“She said no,” Jack said uncertainly, far more terrified of his wife than the woman he didn’t live with.

“I heard,” the midwife said placidly. “But she needs to be moved, and I need your help. Get in there.”

Jack took a few hesitant steps toward Katherine, who growled at him like a bear. He froze and cast a wobbly look back at the midwife, who shooed him forwards. “Macushla?” He ventured. “I’m just gonna… I’m gonna help ya up now, okay?” 

“No!” She slapped at his hands and gripped the couch even tighter. “Don’t you dare, Jack Kelly, don’t you _dare!_ ”

“Where the hell is Crutchie,” he whispered under his breath, squeezing his eyes shut and hoisting Katherine up so that he was supporting most of her weight.

“That’s it,” the midwife said approvingly. “Now back to the bedroom.”

Once Jack had helped Katherine back into bed, the midwife began arranging the blankets and pillows the way she wanted them, propping Katherine up in a looser, less restrictive position than she had been on the couch. “Now,” she said, turning to Jack, “Go boil some water, as much as you can, and bring me some clean towels.” 

Jack nodded and ran out of the bedroom, trying not to listen to Katherine’s pants and moans. 

Crutchie knocked on the door as Jack was standing over the stove, willing the water to boil faster. Jack yanked the door open for him and hugged his friend in desperation. “Thank heavens you’s here,” he said, lapsing back into his full accent. “I ain’t got the faintest notion what ta do, Crutch, she’s all wild an’ it ain’t barely even started, how in the hell ‘m I s’posed ta… what do I…” He covered his face in his hands and yelled in frustration.

“Hey now, Jackie Boy, ‘s okay,” Crutchie said calmly. “Ain’t nothin’ ya can do, not really. ‘S women’s work, this business, an’ ya just gotta do what they says an’ leave ‘em to it. Midwife got ya boilin’ water?” He said, hearing the whistle of a kettle. 

“Wha—oh, yeah,” Jack said, dashing back into the kitchen and pouring the boiling water into a basin. “I don’t even know what they’s gonna use this for, ‘s too hot f’r anythin’ I c’n think of, I—” He jumped as more of Katherine’s angry shouts echoed down the hall. He grabbed the bowl of water, yelping as he sloshed some onto himself, and race-walked down the hall to the bedroom. “Be right back with the towels,” he said to the midwife, placing the water on the nightstand and beating a hasty retreat.

Crutchie scrubbed at his eyes, still a little bleary from the early wake-up call, and headed into the living room. He gave Mitzi a quick pet before nudging her to the side of the desk so that he could reach the telephone and start calling everyone on the list Jack and Katherine had drawn up for him earlier. “Hello? Yes, this is Mr. Charles Morris speaking, yes, apologies f’r the late hour, I’m calling to ask ya to inform Mr. an’ Mrs. Pulitzer that their daughter has gone inta labor… No, no, their attendance isn’t needed, things are progressin’ normally, Mr. an’ Mrs. Kelly just asked me ta inform them. Yes, that’s all. Thank you. Mhmm. Good night.” He pressed the button to disconnect, sighed in relief, and then went on to the easier calls. “Davey? Hey…”

Meanwhile, Jack had hauled half of the linen closet into the bedroom. He stood helplessly in front of the midwife, his arms full of sheets and towels and washcloths and blankets. “What do I do,” he said desperately, eyes flicking back and forth between the midwife and Katherine.

“Thank you,” she said, spreading a blanket out on the ground and placing the towels and washcloths on top of it. “You can leave now.”

“But—” He said, stopping short as Katherine let out another yell.

“Jack Kelly, I am going to fucking _kill_ you, this is your fault, you horny bastard, why did I ever— aaaaa _aaaaaa_!”

“Okay,” he said, swallowing hard and backing out of the room. “Um,” he said, and closed the door behind him.

Crutchie did his best not to laugh from the living room, but Jack heard the snickers anyway and stumbled in to sink wearily onto the couch. “Was Rosie like that?” Jack asked, dazed and white-faced. 

Crutchie shrugged. “She said some weird stuff, yeah.” He crossed the room to clap Jack on the back. “ ‘S normal, Jackie Boy; don’t you worry. Kath’ll be right as rain in a few hours.” 

“I hope so,” Jack mumbled into his hands, slouching over and trying not to tremble. 

“Hey now,” Crutchie said soothingly, “She’s tough, she’s gonna be just fine. Davey an’ Racer are on their way, an’ the three of us’ll keep ya comp’ny until you’s got your baby in your arms.” 

“My baby,” he whispered. “Oh, fuck.” 

Crutchie laughed. “How ‘bout a beer ta calm your nerves, hey?”

“ ‘S not even five in the mornin’,” Jack objected. 

“'S close, though! An’ five o’clock is drinkin’ time, ain’t it?” Crutchie said, already starting down the hallway.

“Not five in the _mornin’,”_ Jack muttered, but his heart wasn’t in it. He could hear muffled cries from the bedroom and he curled over even farther, covering his ears and squeezing his eyes shut. Katherine was right—he’d done this to her, she hadn’t wanted it and he’d made her do it anyway, and childbirth was horribly dangerous, and if she died or if Bunny died then how the hell was he supposed to live with himself, he’d ruined their lives, they’d been happy together and then he’d had to go and ruin it by wanting a kid, oh fuck, he’d ruined everything— 

“ _Jack_ ,” came Davey’s voice, and Jack jerked upright like he’d been stung by a bee. 

“Oh, hey, Dave,” he said, standing and gripping Davey’s shoulder. “How are ya?”

“I’m fine,” Davey said carefully. “How are _you?”_

“Oh, you know, hunky dory,” Jack said, shoving his hands in the pockets of his pajama pants and wishing his newsie cap were on his head so he could fiddle with it.

“Uh huh,” Davey said, not buying Jack’s act for a second. “I’m going to close this door now, okay?” 

“Right,” Jack said, gripping the arm of the couch and lowering himself slowly back down.

“Here,” Crutchie said, returning just before Davey closed the living room door, carrying two bottles of beer in one hand and two more in his pockets. “Drink up.”

Jack grimaced at the taste; he’d never been much for alcohol. But he was starting to shake, despite his best efforts not to, and maybe the beer would take the edge off of things. Katherine’s cries were loud enough to carry through the two closed doors into the living room, though, and Jack flinched. “Crutchie,” he said, voice wobbly, “Crutchie, was Rosie like this?” 

“Absolutely, Jack,” Crutchie said, all reassurance as he sat down beside Jack and slung an arm across his friend’s shoulders. “ ‘S normal, ‘s all normal. Kath’s gonna be fine, baby’s gonna be fine, just take deep breaths an’ hang in there. You wanna go f’r a walk?” 

Jack shook his head decisively. “No. I ain’t leavin’ til I know she’s okay,” he said. 

“Well, you need _something_ to keep you busy,” Davey said, pursing his lips.

“Cards!” Race said, bursting through the door. “Hello, boys, I’m here ta save the day. Five stud poker, anyone?”

“Deal us all in,” Crutchie said firmly, wrapping Jack’s hand back around the bottle of beer and nudging his shoulder to get him to drink.

Three hands in and one beer down, Jack had started to settle a bit. It helped that whatever noises were coming from the bedroom now weren’t loud enough to penetrate the safe haven Jack’s friends had constructed for him and were diligently trying to maintain. 

But as Jack studied his cards to make his next bets, he realized that he was having trouble reading the numbers. “Saaay, boys,” he said, swaying slightly, “Wha’s… wha’s thisss numba, hey?” He plucked a card out and showed it all around, completely missing the worried looks the others exchanged with each other. “I can’t… uh… can’t see’t…” He grinned and hiccupped. “Ya looks funny, Davey,” he said, giggling. “Fun-neeeeeeeee…” He slumped sideways onto the arm of the couch, and the cards fell from his grip and scattered on the floor. “ ‘S all spinny,” he said, his eyes flicking rapidly back and forth like he was sitting on a train and trying to catch all of the scenery at once. “Ya see ‘at? Hey boys?” He mashed the left side of his face into the couch and called, “Heeeeeeeeeeeey, Mitzi, he’ah Mitzi goil, c’me’ah…” He wiggled his fingers at the cat, who was sitting by the door and meowing.   

“Fuck, he’s a lightweight,” Race whispered to Crutchie, his eyes wide.

“He’s only had one,” Crutchie said. “He can’t be drunk!”

“He’s sleep-deprived and terrified,” Davey hissed, “It’s a stress reaction, idiots! Why on earth did we think it was a good idea to give him beer!” 

“You shoulda seen him earlier,” Crutchie said defensively. “Looked ‘bout ready ta plotz!”

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Race said, his voice rising as Jack keeled over onto the floor and Katherine’s screams echoed into the room. “We messed this up, boys, we messed this up real good.”

“Shit,” Crutchie said, “Oh shit, Rosie’s going to kill me.” 

“Forget about Rosie,” Davey snapped, “ _Kath_ is going to kill you!”

“Oh, fuck,” Race said again, trying to hoist Jack back up onto the couch. “He’s out, boys, he’s out cold! What do we _do_ , oh _fuck_!”

“Well, he don’t need ta be awake until Kath delivers the baby,” Crutchie pointed out. “He ain’t needed ‘til then. So I say we let ‘im sleep a bit so’s he don’t have a repeat episode when we do wake ‘im up.” 

“Fuck that,” Davey snapped, “He’ll be furious we let him sleep through this once he remembers what happened!” 

“But he can’t _do_ anything!” Crutchie said. “He hates not bein’ able ta do anythin’ ta help—this is a blessin’ in disguise, really.”

“Blessing in disguise, my ass,” Davey fumed. “I’m getting the smelling salts.”

“I’ll, uh, I’ll hold the cat,” Race said, feeling utterly useless. 

Davey stalked out of the room and began rummaging through the medicine cabinet in the bathroom, trying to block out Katherine’s screams and cries and curses. What a schlimazel, what a fucking schlimazel… By the time he returned to the living room, Race and Crutchie had slid the coffee table out of the way and propped Jack’s head up on a pillow. “Here we go,” Davey said, pulling out the stopper and wafting the bottle under Jack’s nose. 

“I still think we oughta let ‘im sleep,” Crutchie said, sighing.

“Too late,” Race said, as Jack began to cough and splutter.

He groaned and took several deep breaths before slowly opening his eyes and looking around. “How long was I out for?”

“Maybe ten, fifteen minutes,” Race said with a shrug, petting Mitzi, who was scrabbling against Race’s pants and trying to escape. “Not long.”

Jack closed his eyes slowly and nodded, laying a hand to his pounding forehead. Just then Katherine shrieked, a piercing cry that had Jack scrambling to his feet and stumbling into the hallway, pausing only to turn his head sideways and retch onto the floor. 

“I’ll get that,” Davey said, sighing.

“Shouldn’t you stop Jack instead?” Race asked, as Jack lurched towards the bedroom.

“Shouldn’t _you_?” Davey said.

“Got a cat in my lap,” Race said, shrugging. “Can’t move. ‘S the law.”

“You’s a fuckin’ idiot, Race,” Crutchie said, watching Jack jerk the bedroom door open and disappear inside.

“Katherine,” Jack gasped, staggering to her side. “Katherine, darlin’, I gotcha, I gotcha, ‘m here, love, ‘m here…”

“ _Jack!_ ” She screamed, reaching a hand out for him. “Jack, Jack, Jack, it hurts, it _hurts!_ ”

He gripped her hand tightly and bent to kiss her forehead, snatching a washcloth from the stack he’d brought in earlier and mopping at her sweaty face. “There you are, Ace, there you are, you’s doin’ so good, love, so good, you just keep doin’ what you’s doin’, okay? That’s it, sweetheart, there ya go…” 

The midwife looked up from her station at the foot of the bed and frowned at Jack. “Get out,” she said firmly. “She needs to focus on having this baby, and you’re distracting her.”

“She’s my _wife_ ,” he said fiercely. “She _needs_ me.”

“No, she doesn’t,” the midwife said, waving her hands at him. “She’s doing perfectly well on her own. Now shoo.” 

“No,” Jack said, turning back to Katherine and giving her a tender smile even as he felt the bones in his hand bend under the pressure of her grip. “You’s my heart, Katherine Kelly, an’ I ain’t lettin’ ya do this alone.”

She sobbed, screwing her eyes up in pain and screaming as another contraction tore through her.

“You’re close, Katherine,” the midwife said encouragingly. “There you go, deep breaths now, deep breaths and push…”

Katherine screamed again, her vocal cords raw. “I can’t do this!” She yelled, “It hurts! It _hurts_ , oh, _Jack_ , make it stop, make it _stop_!”

“ ‘S gonna stop soon, macushla,” he said, brushing her damp hair back from her face. “You’s nearly there—the midwife said so, an’ she knows what she’s about, that one.” 

“I also said you should _leave_ ,” The midwife snapped, “So get _out_ of here already, Mr. Kelly!”

He shook his head even as he felt strong hands on his shoulders, pulling him back and away from Katherine. “No!” He yelled, fighting Race and Davey for all he was worth. “No, she needs me, she needs me, don’t make me go, I—” 

“ _Jack!_ ” Katherine cried, “Jack, don’t leave me! Don’t go! Come _back_!” She stopped to scream and push again, fisting her hands into the sheets now that he wasn’t there to hold on to. 

Davey and Race finished dragging Jack back to the living room, much to the midwife’s satisfaction, and they slammed both the bedroom door and the living room door behind them.

“Jack!” Davey snapped. “Breathe, man!”

“I can’t!” He howled. “Did you _hear_ her? Did you _see_ her? She _needs_ me, Davey! She fuckin’ needs me, an you—” 

“She needs ya _later_ ,” Crutchie said. “Let her focus on the baby right now, okay? The midwife knows her stuff, an’ she don’t want ya there, so don’t go back in!”

“She’s my _girl_ ,” Jack sobbed, still fighting Davey and Race’s grip. “I _love_ her! I can’t leave her like that! She’s my everything, boys, I can’t let her be alone in this! I promised her I’d be there for her! I _promised_! When we got married I promised her I’d always _be_ there, an’ you—you tore me away!” He twisted his arms this way and that, unable to break free. “I promised her, I _promised_ —you hafta let me go!”

“You ain’t breakin’ no promise, dummy,” Race gasped, dodging a swift kick from Jack. “You’s listenin’ to the medical profesh’nal, is all.”

“I’m listening to _Kath_!” Jack shouted, a hysterical edge to his voice. “I don’t care what the midwife says, I don’t care what you boys say—Kath wants me there, an’ that’s that! I can’t leave her, oh, heavens, don’t make me _leave_ her, I—” He gave a triumphant shout as he yanked free of Race’s grip, and then he socked Davey in the nose, buying himself enough time to sprint back into the bedroom, slamming the bedroom door shut behind him and locking it for good measure. 

The boys were hammering at the door in seconds, yelling at Jack to let them in, to get the hell out of there and listen to the midwife, who was glaring daggers at Jack, but Katherine burst into tears of relief and stretched her hand out to him. “Jackie,” she said, her voice shaking, “Jackie, I need you.” 

“I know, macushla,” he said tenderly, slipping his hand back into hers and stroking her hair. “An’ I ain’t leavin’ ya this time. I swears it. I locked the boys out, so it’s you an’ me no matter what, now, love. I gotcha, darlin’. I promise.”

She smiled briefly before sobbing again and grunting at the pain.

“You go ahead an’ squeeze my hand as hard as ya wants, now, okay?” Jack said, dipping a rag in the boiled water—which had long since gone cold—and laying it on her brow. “I’m right here, heart of my heart, an’ I ain’t goin’ nowhere.”

“This is _not_ how it’s done,” the midwife said under her breath, but neither Jack nor Katherine heard her. And Katherine was too far along for the midwife to spare the time to go unlock the door and shoo Jack out again, so all she did was sigh. As unorthodox as it was, it seemed Mr. Kelly was here to stay. She refocused on Katherine and on the baby, who seemed likely to make an entrance very soon. “Push, Katherine,” she said, and Katherine screamed. 

“That’s it, macushla, that’s it, Ace, you’s doin’ so good, _so_ good; just look at ya, darlin’, you’s the strongest woman in the world, an’ holy hell do I love ya, my gosh, you’s doin’ so good…” 

“Push,” interjected the midwife, and Katherine yanked Jack’s hand to her chest with so much force that he felt his shoulder pop.

He grimaced through her cry, which was loud enough to scare Mitzi out of the living room and away into the kitchen, and then he reached to remove the cold compress and mop her brow with another washcloth. “That’s it, Katherine, that’s it, just like that, almost there, almost done,” he said, watching her pant and gasp and sweat onto the sheets.

“Jack,” she whimpered, “Jackie, I can’t do this, I can’t do it, oh no, I—” 

“Yes you can,” he cut in, stroking the side of her face. “You can, Katherine. Hell—you _are_. You _have._ You’s done the hard part already, love—you’s so very nearly there. It’s just a bit more, darlin’, just a bit more, an’ you c’n do it, I know you can. There ain’t nothin’ too tough for Katherine Plumber; ain’t no fight she can’t win. I bet on you every time, Ace, every damn time, an’ I ain’t never lost money on you yet. You c’n do this, macushla. C’mon now. C’mon, love.”

She sobbed and nodded, steeling herself for the next contraction.

“Push,” said the midwife, and Katherine felt as if she were being torn in half. She pushed and screamed and wrenched Jack’s hand until she couldn’t breathe, and then she fell slack against the pillows. This was torture. This was hell. Why on earth had she—“There’s the head,” said the midwife, “Good job, Katherine. Just a few minutes more; very nearly there.”

Jack grinned and stroked her forehead. “Atta girl, Ace! Look at ya go, sweetheart—you’s nearly there, love, you’s a fuckin’ warrior—ain’t no one in the world c’n hold a candle ta you!”

The midwife smiled even as she kept her eyes trained on the baby’s blood-soaked head. She knew that Katherine was far from unique; after thirty years of delivering babies, she could say with absolute certainty that all women were this strong when they needed to be. Still, it was sweet to see a husband so head over heels in love with his wife, and if he wanted to believe that Katherine was a paragon among women? Well, there was no harm in that. “One more push, now, Katherine, last one,” she said, and Katherine shrieked in agony once more, giving it everything she had.

Jack looked anxiously towards the midwife, who was beaming as she caught the bloody, slippery, wrinkled body of Jack and Katherine’s firstborn child. The baby let out a piercing cry, and both Jack and Katherine jumped as if they’d been slapped. Katherine had no energy left for tears, but Jack felt them well in his eyes immediately, and he froze in place, gripping Katherine’s hand like a lifeline. 

“Congratulations,” the midwife said, deftly cutting the umbilical cord and starting to clean the baby up. “You have a healthy baby girl.”

“A girl,” Jack breathed, his wide eyes darting from the midwife’s hands to Katherine’s face and back again.

“Go meet our daughter, Jack,” Katherine whispered, lying back in the pillows and smiling faintly. 

He laid Katherine’s hand gently on the bed and walked slowly to the midwife, who by this time had washed, inspected, and swaddled the newborn in a soft white baby blanket. “Do you want to hold her?” She asked Jack, who swallowed and nodded. “Like this,” she said, arranging his arms just so. “Make sure you support her head—she won’t be able to hold it up on her own for a while yet.” 

“Okay,” he said weakly, his heart flip-flopping as the midwife placed the baby in his arms. “Hello, Bunny,” he said, staring at the reddened face that was peeking out from the tightly-wrapped blanket. “Hello, baby.” He bent to kiss her on her button nose, and then he blinked rapidly as the reality of the moment began to set in. “Ohhhhhh… Oh. Oh, my. Ohhhh, my. Baby, I… you… Oh, baby, you’re… you’re _my_ baby. You’re _our_ baby.” He choked back tears, not wanting to cry on his daughter (his daughter!), and then he turned to bring the baby over to Katherine. “Here you are, love,” he said, his voice breaking. “Look. She’s beautiful.”

Katherine opened her eyes and dredged up the strength to hold her child, gazing in awe at the face of a very real, very human person who, up until now, had been a set of invisible tangled limbs and hiccups and sneezes inside of her. “Hello, Eleanor,” she said, and the baby yawned. “Oh, Jack,” she said, feeling exhausted and overwhelmed and proud and terrified and empty and unbelievably, astoundingly, brilliantly happy all at once. “She’s perfect.”

“She is,” he said, crouching beside the bed to brush Eleanor’s tiny cheek with his index finger. “Oh, Ace,” he said, trying not to lose his composure any more than he already had, “I ain’t never felt joy like this before. I think my heart might burst.”

“Mine, too,” she said, brushing a hand across Eleanor’s soft little head, which was covered in a smattering of golden fuzz. Eleanor made a noise and opened her eyes at Katherine’s touch, and Katherine caught her breath. “Ohhhh,” she said.

“She has your eyes,” Jack said in awe. “Oh, Katherine, look—they’s brown like yours.” 

Katherine nodded, too full to speak, feeling yet another set of tears sliding down her cheeks. “I thought I was done crying for tonight,” she said, her voice quivering.

“A mother’s never done crying,” the midwife said with a kind smile, looking up from cleaning away the worst of the mess and starting her preparations for the afterbirth.

Katherine gave a breathy laugh and leaned to kiss Eleanor’s forehead. “And she has your eyebrows,” she said, smiling up at Jack.

“So she does,” he said, rolling his shoulders and grinning in amazement. “Say, Katherine?”

“Mmm?”

“I know we’d said Eleanor Leah, but… this little girl… our baby… our _daughter_ … I ain’t never been so happy in my life, Ace, I… I didn’t know anyone could feel this way, an’ I…” He brushed at his nose and shifted awkwardly. “D’you think we could call her Eleanor Joy instead?” 

Katherine smiled again and handed Eleanor back to her husband. “I love that, Jack. Yes. Eleanor Joy.” She closed her eyes again and heard her voice growing fainter. “Go take her to meet the boys, now, hmm?” 

Jack nodded and squeezed her hand once more before unlocking the bedroom door and returning to the living room, where Crutchie, Davey, and Race were waiting in various states of anxiety.

The midwife closed the door behind him and continued her work. “Well done, Katherine,” she said. “We’ll wait just a bit for that afterbirth, and then you can sleep.”

Katherine nodded in exhaustion and readied herself for the next set of contractions.

Meanwhile, Jack had carried his daughter in to meet her uncles, all of whom rose immediately upon Jack’s entrance. “Ohhhh,” Race breathed in awe, covering his mouth with his hands. 

Davey’s jaw dropped and his eyebrows flew up. “Oh, Jackie,” he said, “She’s gorgeous.” 

“She really is, Jackie,” Crutchie said reverently, taking the space next to Jack on the couch. “Look at that sweet face.”

“Boys,” Jack said, smiling down at his daughter, “Meet Eleanor. Eleanor Joy.”

“Congratulations, Jack,” Crutchie said, grinning from ear to ear. “You’s a _father_.”

“I am,” Jack whispered, not taking his eyes off of his baby, who was sleeping soundly.

“A beautiful name for a beautiful baby,” Davey said, laying a hand on Jack’s shoulder. “She’s precious.”

“She is, ain’t she,” Jack agreed, watching her chest rise and fall. 

“An’ she’s got your eyebrows,” Race said, kneeling down in front of Jack to get a good look at Eleanor. “Or at least she will once they fills in. Guess newborns don't have much in the way of eyebrows, huh?" He squinted to get a better look. "But they's no mistakin’ it; that girl’s a Kelly, through an’ through.”

Jack grinned and brought her up to kiss her splotchy forehead. She squirmed slightly in response, screwing her face up into a comical expression before settling back down into an easy sleep. 

“You want we should go, Jackie Boy?” Crutchie asked, rubbing Jack’s back. “Give you an’ your girls some time alone?”

“Oh,” Jack said, his stomach lurching at the realization that he was, from now on, co-responsible for the infant in his arms—and solely responsible until the midwife was done with Katherine. “I, uh, I ain’t thought that far ahead yet,” he said, blinking over at Crutchie. “What do you think, Crutch? What’d you an’ Rosie do?”

“Well, we live with her Da,” Crutchie mused, “So he was there, although he stayed upstairs a bit more’n usual the first coupla weeks, gave us some space. But he were around if we needed him. Rosie had a lotta friends in an' out, too, just kinda in the background, like. Boys ‘n I c’n hang out in the kitchen if ya want? Or come back later this afternoon?” 

“What time is it, anyway?” Jack asked, suddenly realizing how tired he was. 

“Just past eight,” Race said. “Crutchie here ain’t even late for work yet.”

“Oh! You have work!” Jack said, staring at Crutchie. “And you!” He said, turning to Davey and widening his eyes at the bruise blossoming across his friend’s nose. “You have class!” 

“It’s okay, Jack,” Davey said. “This is more important. We’re happy to stay.” 

“Yeah, an’ ‘s a weekday, so I don’t have no commitments,” Race said airily. “Heck, I c’n stay all week if ya wants.” 

Jack hummed softly, captivated by the infant in his arms. “I dunno what I wants,” he said, shaking his head slowly. “I can’t think straight.”

“How ‘bout this, then,” Crutchie said, patting Jack on the shoulder. “You looks beat, an’ I bet the midwife’ll have some instructions for ya ‘fore she leaves, so you handle that an’ then make sure ya get some sleep. Race’ll park in the kitchen so’s ya have someone around if ya need anybody ta run errands or answer calls or whatnot, an’ Davey an’ I will stop by once we’s done with work an’ lawyerin’. If ya needs us before then, we’ll come back. All ya hafta do is call.” 

Jack nodded, his brain growing ever foggier. “Yeah, okay.”

“One last thing before you go check on Kath and take your nap, though, Jack,” Davey said. “Do you want us to call people an’ tell them the news, or you an’ Kath want to do that yourselves later on?”

Jack shifted Eleanor in his arms so that he could rub at his eyes. “Oof. You call people, I guess? But tell ‘em not ta call us. Not yet, anyway. Say that… say that one of you ‘ll let ‘em know when we’s ready f’r visitors? An' maybe... Maybe we could take the phone offa the hook f'r now? I don't want anyone wakin' Kath up.”

“Sure thing,” Davey said, ruffling Jack’s hair and taking the phone off the hook, as requested. “Okay, so Race is on baby duty, Crutchie an’ I are on standby, an’ we’ll swing by after work to make sure you have all you need.” He gave a firm nod and then smacked his forehead. “Oh! What about Kath’s parents?”

Jack groaned. “Oh no, I forgot she _has_ parents. Ugh, _parents_. Who needs parents?” The three other boys snickered, looking pointedly at Eleanor, and Jack blushed. “Oh. Right.  _I'm_ a parent. That's me now. Oops. Yeah. Um… Well, I guess… I’ll handle that one, Davey. They really oughta hear the news from us. I’ll… I’ll call ‘em this afternoon, I s’pose, after all three of us gets a nap in.” 

“Okay,” Crutchie said, standing to go and blowing a kiss to Eleanor. “We’ll see ya this evenin’, then, if you's awake. Congratulations again!” 

“I’m just... I'm just overjoyed for you two, Jack,” Davey said, glowing with happiness, his nose injury already forgotten. “Eleanor really is perfect. Now go get some sleep!” 

“See ya later, Kelly,” Race said. “Holler down the hallway if ya needs me; I ain’t gonna be doin’ nothin’ that can’t be interrupted.” 

“Thanks, guys,” Jack said, managing to hold back his tears until the boys left the room. As soon as they were gone, though, his heart stuttered, and he knew he was about to lose it. He bit his lip and blinked furiously, trying to keep it together, but all it took was one look at his baby for his eyes to well and spill over. "Oh, Eleanor," he said, drawing a shuddering breath. "I'm gonna take care of ya, you hear? You's my baby, an' I ain't gonna let nothin' in the world hurt ya. Not ever. No way." He brushed his thumb gently across her perfectly round cheek. She was his baby. His baby. _His_ baby. His child. His daughter. His Eleanor. “I love you so much, Bunny,” he said, voice quiet and broken. “Forever an’ always. No matter what.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Men were not usually allowed in/expected to be in the delivery room [in this time period](https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2017/06/18/532921305/this-fathers-day-remembering-a-time-when-dads-werent-welcome-in-delivery-rooms), so Jack's friends aren't being awful, they're just being normal. Don't be mad. I could've brought her mom and sisters and Rosie in (and maybe should have), but I didn't.
> 
> I hope this was worth waiting for! Let me know what you thought! <3


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Jack and Katherine navigate their first week as parents.

**March 1909**

Katherine’s parents (and siblings) came to visit the same day, of course, knocking softly on the front door even before Jack called to share the news, and both Katherine and Jack welcomed them with open arms, relieved to see adults who knew how to look after an infant.

“Please stay, Mama,” Katherine begged, clutching at Kate Pulitzer’s sleeve as soon as the rest of the family had followed Jack into the living room to ooh and aah at little Eleanor.

“Of course, Kitty,” she said, standing to kiss her daughter on the forehead. “I wouldn’t dream of being anywhere else. I brought a bag with me, just in case you’d changed your mind about wanting me here.”

“Sometimes you really do know me better than I know myself,” Katherine said, relaxing back into the pillows on the bed. 

“It’s what mothers do,” Kate replied, stroking Katherine’s hair and watching her daughter’s eyes drift closed.

“Mmm,” Katherine said, knowing she was falling asleep again and halfway wishing she weren’t, but… she was so tired. Besides, Jack and her mother could take care of the baby just fine. They didn’t need her for cuddles and kisses; they could do that just as well as she could. Let them handle things for a while—she needed rest. 

She woke back up around noon, slowly at first, and then the pain began to register and she sucked in a deep breath, biting her lips to keep from crying out. “Mama?” She called.

Kate entered the room immediately. “Yes, darling?”

“It hurts,” she said, her eyes squeezed tightly shut. 

“Where?” 

“Everywhere,” she said, trying not to whimper. “Mostly here and here, though,” she said, gesturing, and Kate’s face softened.

“I’ll get you a heating pad and willow bark tea for the one, and Eleanor for the other.”

Katherine nodded and tried not to focus on the pain, willing her mother to move as quickly as possible. Jack came in a minute or so later, Eleanor cradled in his arms. “You’s got good timin’, love—she’s gettin’ fussy.”

Katherine straightened up in bed and looked apprehensively at Eleanor, who was waving her tiny fists in the air and screwing up her face in preparation to cry. “I don’t know what I’m doing,” she said, wishing she could wave her fists and cry, too. 

“ ‘S natural, right? Just kinda instinctive? I hand you the baby an’ she figures it out?” Jack looked at Katherine expectantly.

 _How would I know?_ She thought, but she managed not to let her annoyance show, instead simply saying, “I… guess?” She tugged down the side of her nightgown and reached out for Eleanor, settling the now-squalling baby against her breast. “Okay, baby,” she said, “There you go now, it’s okay…” Eleanor screamed even louder, her blotchy face turning bright red as she wailed. “Jack?” Katherine said, feeling her heart begin to race. “Jack, what’s wrong, why won’t she nurse, why isn’t this working, why is she still _crying_?” 

Jack looked just as bewildered as Katherine, and he brushed at his nose. “Try the other one? Maybe she… maybe she’ll feel comfier on the other side?”

Katherine bit her lip and nodded. It sounded stupid, but no stupider than a hungry baby who refused to eat. She flipped Eleanor around and bared her other breast, but to no avail. “Baby,” she pleaded, “Come on, now, baby, you’re just hungry, that’s all this is, I’m trying to help you…” She felt tears sliding down her cheeks as Eleanor continued to howl, every angry cry piercing Katherine’s heart. “ _Jack_ ,” she said desperately, “Take her back! I don’t know what to do with her—she’s so _angry!”_

“But she’s hungry,” Jack said, confused, “I can’t fix that.”

“Neither can I!” Katherine wailed, trying to shove Eleanor into his arms.

Kate entered then, carrying a steaming mug of tea in one hand and a hot water bottle in another. “Oh, Kitty,” she breathed, understanding immediately what was going on. She set the tea on the nightstand, tucked the hot water bottle under the blankets, and grabbed Eleanor from Katherine’s trembling hands. “Here,” she said calmly, “Let’s try this again.” Kate settled Eleanor up against Katherine, guiding her daughter’s arms and her granddaughter’s head. “Did the midwife help you with this earlier?” She asked, gently patting Eleanor’s back.

Katherine nodded, still in tears, following her mother’s direction and watching Eleanor gasp and close her mouth too soon and pull away to yell some more.

“I’m glad to hear that,” Kate said, still completely unruffled. “You’ve both had a little practice already, then.” She took Eleanor from Katherine’s hands once more, saying, “Here, let’s unwrap this blanket, give her a little more freedom, cue her in that it’s time to eat.” She unwound the white blanket until Eleanor was down to a diaper and nestled the baby up against Katherine, chest to chest. Eleanor blinked at the warmth of Katherine’s skin on hers and stopped crying long enough for Katherine to make another attempt at getting Eleanor to latch, everyone heaving sighs of relief as the infant finally closed her eyes and began to nurse properly. “Make sure you keep her awake, Kitty,” Kate cautioned. “She’s liable to fall asleep before she ought to, and then she’ll only be fussy again sooner.”

Katherine nodded, wanting to delay a repeat performance of this for as long as possible. “Thank you, Mama,” she said wearily, wanting nothing more than to fall back asleep. 

“You’re welcome, dear,” Kate said gently, looking around for a coaster for the mug of hot tea. “You’re doing wonderfully, you know. These things take time. No one gets it right away.”

Katherine sniffled and stared down at Eleanor, who was now grunting happily and nuzzling into her.

“She’ll still need to nurse again an hour or so after she’s finished,” Kate warned, “But it gets easier with time.”

Katherine looked up at her mother, clearly dismayed. “How _much_ time?”  

“It’s different for everyone,” Kate said, looking from Katherine to Eleanor and then back again. “But you two will figure it out soon, I promise.” 

Katherine bit back a sob and nodded. 

“This is normal, Kitty,” Kate soothed, patting Katherine’s upper arm. “Nursing is hard at first, but you’ll get the hang of it, and so will Eleanor. Now, I’m going to go fill another hot water bottle up for you, alright? So you two just sit tight. Or you three,” she said, smiling at Jack and squeezing his shoulder.

He gave a weak smile back and sank down into the rocking chair that Kate had pulled over next to the bed. “Heavens above, parentin’ is hard,” He said, tugging at his newsboy cap. 

Katherine smiled slightly to see it there; although it remained a fixture on his head when he was out and about or at work, he hardly wore it in the house anymore. “Feeling rattled?” She asked, lifting her chin to nod at the cap. 

“Yeah,” he said, pressing his hands against his stomach. “An’ I ain’t even had to do that much.” He shook his head and let out a low whistle. “This ain’t no cakewalk, that’s f’r sure.” 

“No, no, it’s not,” she said, relaxing at the realization that he felt overwhelmed, too. “It’s worth it, of course,” she added, ignoring the pain in her body and focusing on the contentment she felt at having her baby snuggled up against her. “But… Do you mind if Mama stays a while?” 

“ _Please_ ,” he said, utterly sincere. “I’ll make up the guest bed for her in the nursery; Eleanor ain’t gonna be usin’ that room ‘til she’s older, anyway. Think we can get her ta stay a month, maybe?”

“I hope so,” Katherine said, noticing that Eleanor had started to doze off and patting the baby’s back in order to rouse her. Eleanor squeaked and began nursing again, looking up in Katherine’s general direction before returning her attention to the task at hand. “We’ve got a lot to learn, and she’s forgotten more about raising children than both of us know put together.”

“Two months, then,” Jack said, stretching forward to brush her cheek with the backs of his fingers.

“Perfect,” she said, yawning. “I’ll ask her when she gets back.”

 

*

 

Crutchie and Rosie spent about a week fielding excited calls from the boys and checking in on the Kellys before they judged the new parents were ready to entertain visitors.

“Ya want ‘em all at once or one by one?” Crutchie asked, leaning heavily on the polished wooden crutch that Rosie’s father had made for him. His leg always gave him more trouble when the seasons changed.

“Macushla?” Jack asked, watching Katherine brace Eleanor against her shoulder and burp the baby, who promptly spat up a good quarter of what she’d just eaten.

Katherine sighed and wiped Eleanor’s mouth. “I don’t know,” she said. “You decide.” 

Jack bit his lip and looked over at Katherine’s mother, who was sitting in a chair on the other side of the room, folding stack after stack of cloth diapers. “Kate?”

“What if you tell them they can drop by between, say, 5 and 9 one evening? People can filter in and out as they please, they can entertain each other a little bit so that you don’t have to do all the work, they’ll know they have to leave by a certain time…”

“Yeah,” Jack said, brushing at his nose and then reaching over to take Eleanor from Katherine. The baby blinked as he did so and waved her hands, and Jack gave her a finger to hold, smiling down at his little girl. “Yeah, that sounds good.” Eleanor promptly wrapped her entire fist around his index finger and held it in a vise grip, pulling it to her mouth. “You like that, huh, Bunny?” Eleanor didn’t respond in any noticeable way, simply continuing to suck on his finger. “Does this mean she’s still hungry?” He asked, looking over to Kate and then to Crutchie.

Crutchie shrugged. “Could be, but babies also learn by sticking things in their mouths.” 

Jack made a face at Eleanor. “You’s a confusin’ little thing, Ellie Girl,” he said, pitching his voice up an octave. “Yes you is, baby, that’s right, you’s my sweet li’l confusin’ snugglebug, mhmm.”

Katherine sighed and reached over for her daughter. “Only one way to find out,” she said wearily, unswaddling Eleanor and placing the baby to her breast. Eleanor tossed her head and made squeaky noises before settling down to nurse again. 

“She’s a smart one, our girl,” Jack said in satisfaction. “Knows not ta turn down a good meal.”

Crutchie laughed at the annoyance on Katherine’s face and pulled his watch out of his pocket to check the time. “Okay,” he said, “I’ll let the boys know you’s up for seein’ ‘em, then. T’morrow okay? ‘S a Friday, they mostly oughta be free in the evenin’.” 

“Sure,” Jack said, nodding. “Ellie’s sure ta be awake f’r some of that, an’ even if she ain’t, they’s welcome ta admire her so long’s they’s quiet.” Kate smiled, and Jack leaned over to kiss Katherine’s cheek. “I can’t wait ta show Ellie off,” he said, beaming. “She’s the most perfect baby I’s ever seen. Who’da thought I’d be so lucky as ta breathe the same air as the two most beautiful girls in the world, huh?” He grinned and ran his fingers gently down Ellie’s back, wrapping his other arm around Katherine’s shoulders.

Katherine closed her eyes and leaned her head back on the couch. “Tomorrow’s fine, Charlie. Thank you for running interference.” 

“Anytime, Kath,” he said. “See you all soon.”

 

*

 

Kate Pulitzer had strategically decided to run some errands and eat dinner with her husband on Friday night, ensuring that the newsies wouldn’t have to feel on edge around a Pulitzer who wasn’t Katherine. She dressed Katherine’s hair before leaving, though, and Katherine drew strength from feeling her mother’s firm hands twisting and plaiting and pinning her hair. 

“Have fun, Kitty,” Kate said, kissing her daughter on the temple.

Katherine closed her eyes and nodded, waiting to hear her mother leave before looking at herself in the mirror. She’d avoided doing that as much as possible for the last month or so of her pregnancy, and now she heaved a sigh of relief to see that she did in fact recognize the woman staring back at her. She looked a little older and paler and heavier than she was used to, true, but she was still herself. All of these changes, all of this upheaval, all of these adjustments to life with a newborn, and she was still herself. Thank heavens. She took a deep breath and headed out into the living room, where Jack was holding Eleanor like a football as he chatted with Rosie, who had one eye on her very active 18-month-old. 

“Danny,” Rosie said, interrupting Jack, “You gotta be careful with the kitty, Danny. Be gentle now, be gentle… That’s it. Don’t hit her, just pat her. There you go.”

Katherine went to give hugs to Charlie and Rosie. “Thank you for coming,” she said gratefully. “You two have been lifesavers this last week, honestly.”

“Well, we’ve loved doing it,” Rosie said, one arm still wrapped around Katherine. “It’s always wonderful to see you. Danny is fascinated by Eleanor, too; he keeps saying ‘baby’ when we get home and pointing to the door, wanting to go right back out to visit her.” 

“Aww,” Katherine said, smiling over at Daniel, who had pinned a very unhappy Mitzi to the floor.

“Danny’s got good taste,” Jack said, smiling as he swung his arms just a little to rock Eleanor back and forth. “We’ve got a real cutie pie here.” He bent to kiss Ellie on the back of her head, which had gone completely bald since her birth. Katherine had panicked to see golden fuzz on Eleanor’s pillow one morning, but Kate had reassured them it was completely normal; newborns often rubbed their hair off while sleeping. No need for tears, Katherine, everything was fine.

“Ah, sounds like you’ve got your first guest,” Charlie said, hearing a knock at the door. “I’ll get it.”

“Did they all come together?” Katherine asked, hearing the commotion at the door. 

Jack shrugged. “Beats me.”

Rosie went to rescue Mitzi from Danny’s attentions, and although he was unhappy about it at first, the arrival of Uncles Race, Spot, and Albert quickly cheered him up. Race passed out congratulatory cigars (“Usually it’s the dad’s job ta do this, but I figured ‘s really more my thing than Jack’s, so here ya go,”) and gave Eleanor a quick kiss on the head before going to entertain Daniel, while Spot and Albert took their time admiring Jack’s baby girl. 

“Wouldja lookit those cheeks,” Albert said, grinning. “They’s round as can be! She’s gonna be a chubby li’l thing!” He looked at Jack, his eyes wide. “C’n I touch her?”

“Sure,” Jack said. “You c’n even hold her if ya wants. She ain’t made of glass or nothin’, although ya still shouldn’t let her fall.” 

“Nah, I just wanna pat her head,” Albert said cautiously, extending a slightly shaky hand to stroke what was left of Eleanor’s fuzzy hair. His head shot up as soon as he touched her skin, and he looked at Jack with dismay. “Oh, no, Jackie, I’m so sorry—her head’s all soft!” He sounded genuinely concerned. “What’s she got? She gonna be okay?”

Crutchie more or less stifled his laugh, but Elmer and Buttons, entering the room along with JoJo, burst into laughter. “You’s a nimrod, Bertie,” Elmer said. “Babies’ heads is s’posed ta be like that so’s they c’n get borned. Ain’t ‘til they’s older that they gets thick skulls like yours.”

Albert stuck his tongue out at Elmer and went over to punch him in the arm, leaving Spot to take his turn at greeting Eleanor. “Cute baby, Jack,” he said gruffly, leaning in close to peer at her tiny features. “Good work, Kath.”

“Do you want to hold her, Spot?” Katherine asked, moving to the armchair and sitting down.

“Hand,” he said by way of a rejection, holding out his trembling palm. “Don’t wanna drop her.”

“Just sit down on the couch first,” Katherine said. “She’s your niece; we trust you with her.”

Spot’s perpetually dark expression lightened a little, and he called Race over. “Come hold this baby with me,” he ordered. “I needs backup in case I gets it wrong.” 

Race shot Katherine a look, his eyebrows raised.

Katherine smiled. “It’s fine. Like Jack said, she’s not made of glass.” 

“She's as good as,” Spot muttered, sinking onto the couch and cautiously extending his arms for Jack to hand him the baby. Eleanor yawned and blinked, kicking her legs against Spot’s bicep before sighing and closing her eyes. He froze instantly and looked over at Katherine, who gave him an encouraging nod. 

“You’re doing great,” she said. “She likes you.”

Race grinned, shoved Spot’s head sideways, and bent to run his finger across Eleanor’s chin. She frowned and opened her mouth to cry, and Spot whacked his hand away. “You’s upsettin’ the baby!” He snapped. “Stop it!”

Race’s face fell immediately, and although Spot was too absorbed in watching Eleanor to notice, Katherine saw and gave him a friendly pat. “It’s okay,” she said. “She cries at least half the time I’m holding her, too. That’s just how babies are.”

Race nodded and ran his teeth over his tongue to resettle himself. “She’s got your chin, Kath,” he said. “Your chin, your eyes, your nose.”

She laughed. “Her features are so small that it’s kind of hard to tell, Race.”

He shook his head solemnly. “Oh, you can tell. She takes after you, for sure. Bet she’ll have your hair, too.” 

Jack pouted. “She’s mine, too, Racer; c’mon.” 

Race looked up. “Ya really want your daughter ta have ta suffer through life with your ugly mug, Kelly? Have some pity!” Jack stuck out his tongue and Race relented. “She’s obviously yours, too, Jackie. Those eyebrows? There ain’t no doubt she’s yours. Plus she’s darker’n Kath. Got your colorin’, hunnerd percent.” 

Jack gave a satisfied nod and went to answer the door for the next set of visitors.

“She still takes after you, though,” Race whispered to Katherine. “Gorgeous little girl, Kath. Ya done good.”

She laughed. “Thanks, Race.”

“You’re welcome,” he said seriously. His eyes flicked to the doorway and he brightened noticeably. “Les!” He sprang from the couch and steered Les over to Spot. “Come meet Eleanor Joy! Oh, an’ ya better pay up, too—ya bet wrong on the day _an’_ the gender.”

Davey walked in just after Les and did a slight double-take. “She’s grown so much!” He said, marveling at how Eleanor had begun to fill out after only a week. “Nursing going okay, then, Kath?” 

Katherine gave him an anguished look, and Jack steered Davey over to say hello to other people in the room, whispering, “Touchy subject, Davey. ‘S goin’ okay, but we had ta hire a wet nurse ta come ev’ry so often, just until my girls get this figured out a little bit better, an’ Kath feels real low about it.” 

“Oh,” Davey said, a cold panic washing over him. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to—”

“Hey now,” Jack said, clapping Davey on the shoulder. “How were you s’posed ta know? ‘S okay, don’t feel bad. ‘Sides,” he said, watching Kath rise and leave the room, “She’s real sensitive right now anyway, most anythin’ sets her off. Yesterday she cried ‘cause Ellie burped in her face, the day before that it was a sock fallin’ on the floor.” He shrugged. “Things don’t make much sense ‘round here right now, so don’t you worry ‘bout a thing.”

Davey nodded slowly, a worried look still lingering in his eyes. “So… how are _you_ , then?”

Jack laughed. “I’m fine! Chaos ‘n me is old friends,” he said, his eyes twinkling. “Now, I ain’t gonna lie,” he added, pausing briefly to shove Finch and Sniper hello. “This ‘s prob’ly the hardest thing I’s ever done, an’ ‘s only gonna get harder, seen as I’s used up all my sick days an’ gotta go back ta work Monday.”

He frowned briefly, turning to look at the door Katherine had just left through. “But ‘s worth it. Absolutely. Kath’s mom’s been a dream, helpin’ out around here, an’ Kath is a star, an Ellie,” he sighed, a look of pure bliss settling on his face. “Oh, Davey, she’s _perfect_. I dunno that I love her _more_ ’n I love Kath, I wouldn’t say that, but I ain’t never felt like this before. ‘S just this… this instant love. No thought, no words, no hesitation, just… just bam. Just like that. She’s my li’l girl, an’ I’d do anythin’ for her. _Anythin’_. ‘S soon as I saw her I felt like… like the world had come inta focus. Like everythin’ was brand new. I…” He scratched at his nose and smiled. “I can’t explain it right, but I adore her. She can’t even smile yet, an’ I still loves her so much I’d die for her.”

He laughed again. “C’n you believe it, Dave? I have a wife _an’_ a kid! Me, Jack Kelly, with a wife an’ a kid! An’ they’s even better than my daydreams, too, ‘cause, well…” He grinned. “They’s _real_. They’s more real than Santa Fe ever was,” he said, beaming over at Ellie and rubbing the back of his neck. He looked back at Davey then, and his smile shone even brighter than when they’d won the strike. “They’s real, they’s mine, an’ you know what? They’s _perfect_.”

The moment was interrupted by a cheery, “Jack Kelly, where you at, baby?” 

“Miss Medda!” Jack somehow found the energy to run down the hallway to hug the woman who’d seen something worthwhile in him even when he was a snot-nosed ragamuffin. “Come meet my Ellie!” 

“That’s why I’m here, honey,” she said, giving him a fond smile.

He grabbed her hand and towed her into the living room, dragging her over to the couch, where Spot was still sitting, holding court with Eleanor as the boys gathered around him to admire her. “Spotty?” Jack said, and Spot nodded and allowed Jack to take the baby from his arms and place her in Medda’s.

“Oh, honey,” she said, looking at Jack with pure love in her eyes. “I’m so happy for you. She’s as beautiful as a spring day.”

“She really is, isn’t she,” Jack said, bending to kiss the still-sleeping Eleanor on the forehead. “Oh!” He said, startling and looking up at her. “Did you bring the—”

“I sure did,” she said. “They’re in my bag by the door, if you want to go get them.”

He grinned. “Lemme find Kath, an’ then yeah.” 

He went into the bedroom, where Katherine was lying on the floor, staring up at the ceiling. 

“Macushla?” He asked, confused. “Are you… tired?”

“Yes,” she said, her voice a monotone, not even looking over at him. 

“Well,” he said, scratching the back of his neck, “Medda brought a coupla presents that she an’ I would really like to show ya, but, uh, if you’d rather take a nap then I could help you up into the bed?” She turned her head just enough to give him a look that he couldn’t interpret. “Bed’s more comfortable, love,” he said, trying to figure out what she wanted, but she wasn’t talking, and they had at least ten people in their living room, and he was excited about the presents, and he thought he could hear Ellie starting to fuss… “You coming back out, then?”

She bit her lip, closed her eyes, and then rolled sideways to push herself off the floor and rise to her feet. 

“Perfect! You’re gonna love these, darlin’, I promise.” He led her into the living room and sat her down next to Medda, who gave Katherine a huge hug and a peck on the cheek. 

“Congratulations,” Medda said, letting Katherine take Ellie from her hands. “A healthy, beautiful baby girl—that is something worth celebrating, Katherine, dear.” 

“It is,” Katherine answered, smiling at Medda and nonchalantly slipping her dress down to start nursing Ellie. Some of the boys blushed a bit, even though Katherine had laid a baby blanket over herself and Ellie, but Katherine didn’t care. “Jack and I are very happy.” 

“An’ look what Medda got us!” Jack exclaimed, bounding back into the living room with two wrapped packages. He handed one over to Medda and placed the other in his lap as he sat next to Katherine. “Go on, Ace, open ‘em up!” 

Medda handed her the first gift, which Katherine awkwardly undid with one hand, using the other to keep Ellie cushioned at her breast. Eventually she managed to undo the tissue paper, and Medda helped her to pull out a delicate christening gown. 

“Ohhh,” she said, completely taken aback. “Miss Medda, it’s… it’s _stunning_.”

“An’ she made it _herself!"_ Jack chimed in. “Hand-sewn, Ace, took her absolutely ages—she’s been workin’ on it ev’ry Sunday for months!” 

Katherine’s eyes grew even bigger, and Medda nodded. “Oh, Medda,” she said, tearing up. “It’s beautiful. I… It’s… _thank_ you,” she said, grasping the older woman’s hand tightly in her own. “And this seems an apt time to ask—would you be Ellie’s godmother? Jack and I discussed it, and we can’t think of a more perfect role model for our daughter.”

“Katherine, honey, I’d be honored,” Medda said, pressing a hand to her heart. “I really would.”

“Thank you,” Katherine said, wiping her eyes and trying not to let the tears fall.

“And now for mine,” Jack said, once he was sure he wasn’t interrupting the moment. 

“Yours?” Katherine asked, turning to her husband.

“Medda’s been helpin’ me learn to sew—for real, I mean, not just mendin' clothes an' reattachin' buttons,” he explained, shoving the package into her one free hand. “All those Sundays at the theater? This is what came out of ‘em.”

She gaped at him for a moment. “You sly fox! I thought you were painting sets!” 

“Nope,” he said smugly, helpfully undoing the ribbon for her. “Go on, love; see what it is.”

Katherine gave him a curious look and then bent to peel back the layers of tissue paper. As soon as she unfolded the last sheet, she gasped. “Jack, you—you _made_ this?” 

He nodded, pleased as punch, and she began to cry in earnest. She tried to do so as quietly as possible, of course, so as not to disturb Eleanor or her guests, but it was awfully hard when she was staring down at the tiny patchwork quilt that Jack had spent months of Sunday nights creating. She lifted it out of the tissue paper and ran her fingers gently across the warm rainbow of fabrics he'd chosen, overwhelmed by the fact that the love of her life had learned to sew and quilt and sit still in order to make this for Eleanor even before he'd met her. As Katherine admired the impressively precise stitchwork, she thought of all of the time he'd spent cutting and ironing and pinning and sewing and piecing things together just right. All of those hours, all of that care, all of that love... and it was preserved here, forever. This quilt wasn't just a quilt; not to her, anyway. No; it was tangible proof that he loved her and Eleanor beyond measure. That she'd married the right man. That everything was going to be okay.

“Jackie,” she said, completely choked up. “Jackie, I love it. And you. And Ellie.” She sniffled, and he took the quilt from her hands and used it to dab at her eyes, making her laugh. 

“For sure?” He asked, a little of his old insecurity creeping back in.

“For sure,” she said, pulling him in for a quick kiss. “Forever.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So wet nurses weren't really a thing in the US at this point, because baby formula and cow's milk were used instead, but we've been through why K is not about to use cow's milk, and maybe she's resistant to the idea of formula for that reason, too? Just go with it. Maybe I'll have her switch to formula later... I haven't quite worked out how I'm going to resolve the particulars on that.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Katherine struggles.

**May 1909**

The closer it got to the day they’d all agreed that Kate would return home, the more irritable Katherine became. Jack couldn’t do anything right, Ellie spent most of the time crying, and Katherine invented excuse after excuse to escape the apartment and leave her child in her mother’s more than capable hands. The day of Kate’s departure finally came, though, and she left once she’d given plenty of hugs and kisses all around (and of course she’d stop by often, Kitty, don’t worry, dear, and you can visit anytime, too). 

“I’m glad she came,” Jack said, waving at his mother-in-law as she stepped into the cab, “But it’ll be nice to have the place to ourselves again.” 

“Mmm,” said Katherine, adjusting Ellie’s sunbonnet. “Can we go for a walk?” 

“I’ll get the pram,” Jack said, readying himself to haul the unwieldy contraption down four flights of stairs. “Central Park?”

“Sure.”

 

*

 

Jack wasn’t sure what to expect when he woke up the next morning, but, to his surprise, Katherine was already awake and out of bed, had dressed and fed both herself and Ellie, and had set his place at the table with hot coffee and a freshly buttered bagel. 

“Mornin’, love,” he said wonderingly, adjusting his suspenders.

“Good morning,” she said, her voice cheery. “Did you sleep well?” 

“Yes,” he said slowly, blinking at the spotless kitchen. “I didn’t hear Ellie even once,” he said, the realization dawning on him. “Did you…?”

She smiled, crossing the room to kiss him on his cheek and then nudging him to sit down. She busied herself with the baby while he ate, and then when he stood to leave for work, she straightened the collar on his dress shirt and smoothed his hair. “See you this evening, dear heart,” she said, and he nodded, still a little dazed at how much… _nicer_ she seemed than she had the previous day and the day before that and the day before that and… well. He’d never figure it out; might as well just enjoy it.

Katherine kept up the act until Jack left for work, but as soon as she closed the door behind him, she slid to the ground in a cold sweat. She was alone now. Alone with the baby for the next ten hours. Ten hours of just her and the child. All alone. Alone in the apartment. She drew her sleeve across her mouth and took a deep breath. _No. We’re going outside. Out where there are people. Come on, Katherine. Let’s go._ And so they did. Katherine pushed Ellie up one side of the street and down the other, working her way through the whole neighborhood. By the time Eleanor had finally fallen asleep, Katherine’s feet were swollen and her stylish outfit was splattered with street muck, but, as Katherine reflected with satisfaction, now there were only eight hours until Jack returned. Eight hours. Eight full hours. Eight endless hours to get through today, and then ten more the next day, and the next, and the next…

Katherine pushed the pram back to their apartment, lifted Ellie from it, and left it sitting on the sidewalk. She didn’t return for it. By the time Jack got home from work, it was long gone.

 

*

 

Jack’s coffee wasn’t quite as hot the next morning, but the difference was so slight as to be unnoticeable. Both Katherine and Eleanor looked just as awake and chipper as they had the day before, and he kissed his wife and daughter goodbye without the least compunction. He was a little bit jealous that Katherine got to stay home with the baby all day, but he refused to begrudge her that one-on-one time with Eleanor. Mothers and daughters were supposed to have a special bond, after all. He wasn’t going to intrude on that.

And if when he got home Katherine changed the subject as soon as he suggested putting Ellie in the pram and going for a walk, well, he wasn’t going to read anything into it. Babies were exhausting; no wonder she didn’t want to go for a walk tonight.

 

*

 

And so the days went by, Katherine’s façade slipping so gradually that both of them forgot it had ever been any different.

“Wake up, Katherine,” Jack said, shaking Katherine’s shoulder. “Ellie’s crying, and I’ve got to be out the door in ten minutes.”

“Ughhhh,” Katherine moaned, tugging the pillow over her head. 

“You have to feed her, Ace, c’mon,” he said, leaving the bedroom to brush his teeth and check that his collar was straight. "You're the one who said no formula, so you have to feed her," he hollered over his shoulder. The baby continued to cry as he was in the bathroom, and he heaved an exasperated sigh as he entered the nursery and picked up his daughter. Eleanor was now two months old, just as blissfully round and chubby as Albert had predicted, and, at the moment, completely red in the face from screaming in hunger. “Katherine!” Jack snapped, pulling the pillow off of Katherine’s head. “ _Feed_ her.” He glared at Katherine as she straightened in bed and tugged down the side of the nightgown, reaching out her arms to take Ellie. 

Katherine sagged back against the headboard and closed her eyes as Eleanor fidgeted and whined and finally latched properly, squirming in close and making contented noises.

“I’m late,” Jack called, jamming his feet into his dress shoes and dashing out the door. “See you tonight.”

 

*

 

Katherine woke to the sound of Eleanor whimpering from the nursery; by the sound of it, though, Jack was already out of bed and in the other room, so she pulled the covers back over her head and tried to ignore her fussy child.

“Shh, baby, ‘s okay,” she heard him say, his voice tender. “Heyyyy, Bunny, hey, ‘s okay. Lemme get you changed, you’ll feel better then, that’s right… Just a second, Bunny-girl, hold still… Ohhh, that’s nice, isn’t it? So much better now.” She heard some nonsense noises from Jack and coos and squeals from Eleanor, and then her heart sank as she heard him say, “Let’s go find Mama now, yeah? ‘S breakfast time for Ellie an’ Mommy an’ Daddy, yeah?” 

She lay perfectly still and pretended not to know that Jack was standing in the doorway of their bedroom, watching her. “Ace?”

She held her breath.

Jack flopped down on the bed next to her, placing a wriggling, squeaking Eleanor on the blanket between them. “Wake up, love,” he said, tugging the covers down and smoothing her hair back from her face. “We’s got the whole weekend ahead of us, an’ I don’t wanna waste a single second of my time with you two gorgeous girls. What’re we gonna do first?” 

She opened her eyes slowly and gave a short cough. “I don’t feel well,” she said, which was true, although not in the way she was implying. “I think you might have to have a day out with just Ellie this time around.” She felt a twinge of guilt at the concern on his face, but then Ellie’s small fist hit one of her very tender breasts, and she decided to cough again. “I’ll nurse her, but then you should probably get her out of the apartment so that you two don’t catch whatever this is.” 

He nodded solemnly and helped her to sit up, laying Eleanor gently in her arms. “I’ll go make you some tea,” he said. “How’s your appetite? Can I get you ta eat breakfast?”

She grimaced. “I don’t think it’ll sit right. But tea would be lovely, Jack. Thank you.”

 

*

 

Jack burst through the door with more energy than a working man his age had any right to have, beaming. “How’re my girls?” He called, hanging his satchel on the coatrack by the door.

“Here,” Katherine said, emerging from the kitchen and pressing Eleanor into his hands. “I have to go.”

Jack blinked as Katherine walked out of the door without even pausing to grab her keys. “Okay.” He heard the door click, frowned, and then shrugged. “Guess it’s just you an’ me for dinner tonight, Ellie-girl,” he said, tapping his baby on her nose. “Since Mommy’s away, whad’ya say we eat sweets an’ tell dirty jokes all night, huh?” He laughed at his own cleverness and grinned at Eleanor, who blinked, squealed, and then smiled up at him. Jack’s eyes grew as big as saucers. “Ellie! Ellie-girl! Is that your first smile, Bunny?” Eleanor kicked her feet against his arm and smacked her lips. “I think so, astoreen! Oh, my clever girl, how I love you,” he said, tickling her stomach. “We’ve got big news for Mommy when she gets back!”

 

*

 

Jack could hear Ellie crying even before he unlocked the door to the apartment. _Must have been a heckuva day for Kath_ , he thought, stepping into his house and following the noise. He opened the door to the nursery, expecting to see his wife holding the baby, but instead he saw Ellie lying on her back in her crib, purple with rage, her face screwed up as she screamed to an empty room. His face darkened as he ran to the crib, picking Eleanor up and immediately starting to make shushing noises.

“Hey, baby, hey Ellie-girl, hey now, hey, hey, shhh, shhhh, ‘s okay, Bunny, Daddy’s here, I gotcha, shhhhhh,” he said, patting her back and instinctively bouncing gently on the balls of his feet in order to calm her down. “Oh, baby, oh, Bunny; how long you been here, astoreen? Hmm?” He laid her down onto the changing table and handed her the silver rattle her grandfather had given her, which she promptly dropped onto the floor. “Well, goodness, Bunny! Now you’s gonna just hafta sit tight without anythin’ ta play with, Eleanor, hmm?”

Ellie wailed all through Jack’s soft murmurs and hums, and as soon as he had her freshly diapered and switched into a clean, dry dress, he hefted her back into his arms and rocked her back and forth. She screamed and hiccupped and screamed some more, and he walked her to the kitchen, starting to sing to her in his solid tenor voice. “Hush, little baby, don’t say a word…”

He made it through all of the verses he knew and several terrible ones that he made up on the fly before the formula was ready, and then he settled them both down in the nursery's rocking chair. “Here ya are, astoreen; yes, Ellie-bug, that’s it,” he said, hoping against hope that this would work. He and Katherine had had several fights about whether or not to switch Ellie to formula, and although he hadn’t yet won his side, he’d bought some infant formula and hidden it in the kitchen just in case. “Lucky I did, too,” he muttered, holding his breath as he positioned the bottle in front of Ellie’s mouth. She seemed confused at first, so he squeezed the bottle and let a few warm droplets of not-really-milk dribble onto her lips. She stopped in the middle of a shriek, stuck her tongue out, and hiccupped again. 

“Come on, Bunny, I know you’s hungry.” He took advantage of her momentary silence to jam the bottle into her mouth, and she sucked and swallowed reflexively, eyes widening in surprise. “That’s it, Ellie,” he cooed, but she opened her mouth and started crying again. He sighed, kissed her forehead, and tried again. It took him a few goes, but eventually Eleanor was happily drinking from the bottle Katherine had sworn never to use, her color nearly back to normal and her lively eyes focused intently on Jack. 

Jack tried to tamp down his anger at Katherine in order to savor this moment with his daughter, but every time Ellie snuffled or squeaked or took a short, shuddering breath, his fury flared right back up. “I love you, Ellie,” he said, meeting his baby’s steady gaze. She blinked, and he smiled. Every time he took her on a walk, someone would comment on how deep and dark her brown eyes were, especially for such a tiny thing; oh, just look, weren’t they pretty, and she was going to be a real looker someday, and my, oh my, he’d have to swat the boys away… Jack wasn’t thinking about Ellie and boys just yet, but he agreed with the rest of it—her eyes were stunning. Just like her mother’s. Jack’s stomach knotted again at the thought of Katherine, of Katherine leaving their baby alone, of Ellie wet and crying and hungry and _alone_ , and he pulled his daughter in tighter, singing her another song. 

He rocked her back and forth in the chair until she’d finished off the bottle, and then he fished around the changing table for a clean rag so that he could burp her. “There you are, astoreen, there’s my Ellie-girl, that’s right… Feeling better now, hmm? I thought so, Bunny, I thought so. Everything’s better when you’s got food in your stomach, ain’t that right?” Ellie cooed up at him, and he broke into an easy grin. “Ohhh, Ellie, I agree completely.” She waved her fists wildly, and he laughed, catching one of her hands in his own. She grabbed onto his hand like an octopus and wriggled in his arms, smiling up at him and kicking her chubby legs. Jack bent his head to kiss her again, breathing in her milky baby smell, and she burbled as his hair fell across her face.

“Oh, Ellie, oh, my baby…” He stroked her cheek and she sighed, snuggling against him, her eyes slowly falling closed. He could tell she was trying to fight it; her eyes jerked open every so often and she’d wiggle and coo, but it was a losing battle. Jack knew how she felt; being warm and clean and fed and safe used to make him sleepy, too. It didn’t anymore, but he had vivid memories of the days when those things combined so rarely that, whenever they did, his body interpreted it as momentary security and sent him right off to dreamland. He felt warm and safe and tired right now, in fact, but he couldn’t fall asleep; he had to deal with Katherine first. 

He waited until he was sure Ellie was sound asleep before settling her into her bassinet—which, he noted with a sour expression, should have been in _his_ bedroom, _not_ in the nursery. He changed the sheets and blankets in Eleanor’s crib, gave his daughter another kiss, fed the cat, and then he set his shoulders, took a deep breath, and opened the door to his bedroom. His anger burned even brighter when he saw his wife lying in bed, the covers pulled over her head. 

“What the fuck is goin' on, Katherine? It is six o’clock in the fuckin’ evenin’!” He shouted. “What the fuck are ya doin’ in bed, hey? And what the fuckin’ hell was ya thinkin', leavin’ our daughter ta lie in her own piss an’ shit f’r fuckin’ _hours_ , huh? Didja not hear her screamin’ her fuckin’ _lungs_ out just now? Or is ya deaf all of a sudden, hey? She was fuckin’ _hungry_ , Katherine! She was hungry an’ wet an’ _alone_! We’s s’posed ta take _care_ of her, you an’ me, an’ you fuckin' left her _all alone!”_ He let out a strangled cry and braced his hands on his head. “How _could_ you, Katherine? How could you do that to her? She’s a fuckin’ _baby_ , she’s an _infant_ , for fuck’s sake, an’ you… you…” He yelled and kicked at the wall. “You _left_ her!” 

He clamped his mouth shut then, waiting for her to respond. She didn’t. So, chest heaving, he started in on her again. “You owe me an explanation, Katherine, you can’t just lie there an’ pretend this didn’t happen or that you can't hear me—you left her, you _left_ her, she needed you an’ you fuckin'  _left_ her, an’—” He yanked the covers off her with a yell and found himself face to face with his wife, who suddenly seemed much smaller and paler than he remembered. “How _could_ you?” He repeated, his voice breaking, his eyes wild. “She’s our baby! She’s…” His voice dropped, and he felt his eyes filling with tears. “She’s our everything.” 

“She’s _your_ everything,” Katherine corrected softly. “Not mine.” 

He shook his head, unable to follow. 

“I don’t love her,” Katherine whispered, closing her eyes. “I don’t know why.”

“You…what?” He drew his brows together and let the quilt slip from his hands. “You don’t mean that.”

“I do." She felt raw and vulnerable without the covers, but she couldn't find the energy to tug them back over her. "I tried,” she said, her voice flat. “I tried so hard to love her, Jack, but I just… I don’t feel anything anymore. Not a damn thing. There’s nothing left inside of me. Everything I had, everything I was—it’s all gone. I suppose Ellie has it now,” she said, and shrugged. 

“That don’t make any sense at all,” he said. “Have you even _looked_ at our girl lately? All you hafta do ta fall in love with her is look in her eyes. Or hold her. Or hear her coo. Or see her smile. She's the light of our lives, Katherine; it’s impossible not to love her.” 

Katherine gave a laugh that really wasn’t a laugh at all. “I thought it was impossible, too, but somehow I figured out a way to do it. I honestly do not love her, Jack. And she doesn’t love me.”

“Now you’re _really_ bein’ ridiculous,” he said, brushing his nose and trying to process Katherine’s words. “ ‘Course she loves you.”   

“She’s a baby, Jack,” Katherine said, her voice measured. “She needs things, that’s all. As long as she gets those things, she doesn’t care who gives them to her. And other people are better at giving her what she needs than I am. Other people love her more than I do. People like you. And Mama. Hell, pick any one of the newsies, and I guarantee you they’d do a better job with Eleanor than I do.” She wrapped her arms around her middle and sighed. “I’m a terrible mother, Jack.”

“Oh, macushla,” he said, climbing onto the bed and lying down next to her. “You’re not.”

“I am,” she said. “Or else how could I have left her like I did today? She needed me and I left her, just like you said. You were right on the money about me, Jack—it’s six o’clock in the evening, and what am I doing? I'm lying in bed, still in my nightgown, listening to my infant daughter cry and cry and cry. How could I do that? What kind of mother does that?" She pinched the bridge of her nose and shook her head. "And do you want to know the worst part?” She forced herself to open her eyes and look him straight on. His eyes were full of unspoken thoughts that she didn't care enough to ask about and emotions that she didn't want to sort through. She was sure most of them were loathing and disdain for her, anyway, and those weren't burdens she felt strong enough to carry right now. She was already feeling as low as she ever had; she didn't need Jack to confirm that he hated her. She already hated herself; wasn't that enough? Katherine gave a strangled laugh and said, “The worst part was that the entire time she was crying, all I could think about was how much I wanted her to shut up.” 

Jack swallowed hard, and although he'd meant to reach out to hold her, he couldn’t make himself move. Was this really Katherine talking to him right now? Was this really the brilliant girl he’d married? He wasn’t sure he recognized her anymore. He wasn’t sure he knew the woman lying across from him in their marriage bed, the woman he’d loved for nearly a decade, the woman who spoke so dispassionately about their child. “Okay,” he said. “Okay.” 

He left the room and shut the door behind him, padding back into the nursery and sinking into the rocking chair. Mitzi jumped up onto the chair with a friendly meow, circling his lap a few times before curling up and starting to purr. “Oh, Mitzi,” he said, carding his fingers through her long, black fur. “What do I do now?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Astoreen—a corruption of the Irish Gaelic ‘a stóirín,’ which means ‘little treasure’ (the -ín suffix is a diminutive) 
> 
> Developmentally, two-month-old Eleanor will potentially be able to: smile as more than just a reflex, vocalize, coo, squeal, briefly hold her head up on her own, and follow objects with her eyes.
> 
> The National Institute of Mental Health estimates that nearly 15% of births result in postpartum depression (PPD) for the mother. PPD is longer and more severe than the so-called "Baby Blues" (from what I read, the Baby Blues last a week, maybe two, and resolve on their own). Not all cases of PPD are as severe as what I've written Katherine as having, and some cases are far worse. As with any kind of depression, there are a lot of different factors that contribute to the emergence of PPD, and there are several that fit Katherine's case--although, again, as with any kind of depression, it's not fully understood by medical professionals, and causes and symptoms and steps for effective treatment vary from person to person.
> 
> One more chapter! My outline for it is only 3 words long, so who knows what will happen...


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which I tear things apart and put them back together.

**May 1909**

It was just past dawn when Kate Pulitzer entered the dining room to greet a frazzled-looking Jack. She blinked, taking in the sight of her pale, unshaven son-in-law and the neatly-dressed baby in his arms. “Where’s Katherine?” she asked, knitting her brows. She frowned when his only reply was a shake of his head. Kate cast another look at her granddaughter and noted with relief that Eleanor looked hale and hearty. Well, whatever was going on, best to face it on a full stomach. “Wilson?” She said, calling the butler. “Bring us toast and tea, please.” She examined Jack again and amended, “Better make it coffee.”

Wilson came and went, leaving Kate to frown still deeper when Jack didn’t so much as touch the food in front of him. “What is it, Jack?”

“Something’s wrong with Kath,” he said, the desperation rolling off him in waves. “She…” He looked down at Ellie, who was happily sucking on her own fingers, ignoring the stuffed rabbit Jack had brought along for her to play with. “She won’t get out of bed.”

“Is she sick? Why didn’t you take her to the hospital?” Kate said, her mind leaping immediately to the worst possibilities. 

“She’s not that kind of sick,” he said, flicking his eyes up to Kate and then back to the baby. “She might not even _be_ sick, I really don’t know, I just… I came home yesterday, and… and Ellie was crying…” He briefly explained the previous day’s events to Kate, the quiver in his voice betraying how difficult this was for him to discuss. “Is this normal?” He asked, searching her face for answers. “Is this something that happens to all women and I just didn’t know about it? Or… or maybe it’s something that runs in the family? Or… or she’s having an episode and she’ll be better tomorrow if I just let her sleep today?”

He looked hopefully up at her, and she felt terrible that she couldn’t give him the easy response he wanted. “How badly off is she, Jack? I need you to be specific. How long has she been in bed? How long has she been having trouble with Eleanor? What exactly did she say yesterday?” 

Jack swallowed; he wasn’t sure he was making the right choice by involving Kate. He felt like he was betraying Katherine, like he was flying the dirty laundry of their marriage from a flagpole mounted on the tallest building in the city, but he simply didn’t know what else to do. He’d spent the night in the nursery with the baby, waking up at regular intervals when Eleanor insisted on being fed, and although he’d checked in on Katherine earlier, this time she hadn’t even bothered to respond to his words; she’d simply closed her eyes and turned her face to the wall. 

He felt guilty, yes, but Kate was Katherine’s mother, for crying out loud, and weren’t mothers supposed to be there when you needed them? He thought that was how things worked, anyway. He really wasn’t sure. How would he know? He’d never had the chance to test it out before. He thought fleetingly of his own mother and wondered what she would have advised in this situation, if she would have taken Eleanor from his arms and hugged her tight and kissed his forehead and made Katherine whole again, but he shoved that dream away. No sense wanting what you would never have.

“She’s been in bed since yesterday afternoon, I think,” he said, his voice low and reluctant. “And I don’t know how long she’s been having trouble with Ellie… I mean, I thought things were fine until I came home yesterday to see that they weren’t. Sure, she’s exhausted, but we’re both new to this, Ellie cries an awful lot, nursing still ain’t easy for either of them, and I…” He paused, and she could practically see him running through the last couple of months in his head, stopping to analyze things for perhaps the first time since Ellie’s birth.

He blinked rapidly as he thought, and then he jerked his head up to meet her gaze, his eyes wide. “Oh, _Kate_ , did I… oh _no_ , I think I… It’s just that things’ve been so busy, an’ I’m so tired all the time I never stopped to think…” He rubbed his forehead and stared down at his daughter. “I guess she’s been doing poorly for quite a while, I just… it happened so slowly that I never even noticed.” He gave Kate a pleading look. “We still go over to Charlie an’ Rosie’s every Friday, an’ you’ve been over a fair bit, an’ Connie an’ Edie come by during the day, an’ ain’t nobody said nothin’—you didn’t see it, either, right? You couldn’t tell?” 

He bit his lip and squeezed Eleanor so tightly that she began to whimper. “I should’ve seen it, though,” he said, his voice nearly a whisper. “I’m supposed to see these things. Oh, Kate, I promised her I’d be there for her, I _promised_ , an’ I got so wrapped up in Ellie an’ how happy _I_ was that I…” He watched Eleanor’s face crumple as she started to cry. “I failed her.” He blinked at Eleanor, who was screaming with the heart-wrenching fury only a small baby can muster, and loosened his grip. “I failed them both.”

He looked up at Kate again, and it was as if he’d shed twenty years of experience and confidence in the last twenty seconds. She ached for him, for this sweet, devoted man who had swept her daughter off into a life that Kate had never imagined for her little girl, who had waited for years for Katherine to be ready to have the children she knew he so dearly wanted, who had somehow won the family over to his side not by posturing, but simply by loving Katherine so fiercely and fully that the rest of the Pulitzers couldn’t help but love him in return. 

“Jack,” she said, reaching across the table to lay her hand on his. “You did your best. You didn’t fail. You didn’t fail Katherine, and you didn’t fail Eleanor. You’re here, aren’t you?” She said, resisting the urge to chuck him under the chin. “You’re looking after the baby while Katherine can’t, and you’re looking after Katherine by being here.” 

“But I don’t… I can’t…” He made a frustrated noise and pulled his hand away to tug at his ever-present cap. “How do I _fix_ it? What’s wrong with her that she would do this to Ellie? What if… what if she never wanted children to begin with, and I forced her into it, and now I’ve broken her and she doesn’t want either of us anymore? I can’t lose her, Kate,” he said, his voice breaking. “I _need_ her. And… and more than that, _Ellie_ needs her. My daughter needs a mother, Kate, I can’t have her growing up the way I did, I couldn’t bear that, I…” He covered his face with his free hand and stopped talking, lost in his own head. 

“Jack,” she repeated, rising from the table and taking the chair next to him. “I know my daughter, and I know that she would not have agreed to have this baby if she hadn’t wanted to. She’s as stubborn as sin, that one; you can’t force her into anything. Believe me,” she said, giving a wry smile. “I’ve tried.” Jack sniffled, but he kept his eyes down on Eleanor, who had quieted once Jack had started bouncing her and given her a finger to suck. Kate bit her lip and said, “As for the rest of it, well… I’ve seen this sort of thing before. Not often, but… it happens. And I can’t promise you that it will get better, but like I said, Katherine is stubborn, so don’t give up on her just yet. She’s going to need excellent care to get better, though, and…” she did move to hold Jack’s chin then, wanting to meet his eyes for this next part. She waited until she was sure she had his full attention, and then she said, “I think she should go Upstate.”

“ _What?”_ Jack said, shooting up out of the chair so quickly that Eleanor looked wildly around and then smiled at how much fun that was. 

“Hear me out,” Kate said. “There is an excellent health resort at Watkins Glen called Glen Springs. It’s on Seneca Lake,” she added, seeing the confusion on Jack’s face. “Not far from Ithaca. Right on the water, Jack. They have plenty of nature trails, activities, music, an excellent full-time staff, and the quality of the waters there is second only to Nauheim.” Jack raised an eyebrow. “Bad Nauheim. It’s a renowned health spa in Germany.” Jack nodded. “I think some time away would do her a world of good,” Kate said carefully. “I think what she needs is a little time away from all of her responsibilities here, so she has a chance to… collect herself.” 

Jack frowned. “For a weekend, maybe? I think I could wrangle another day off so we could all go up for a weekend.” 

Kate braced herself. “No, Jack. _Just_ Katherine. Alone. For more than a weekend.” 

“No,” he said. “ _No_ , that can’t—I won’t—you don’t mean—”

“I do,” Kate said firmly, reaching to take Eleanor from his arms as he grew more and more agitated.

“No!” He shouted, slamming his hand on the table. “No.”

“Why not, Jack?” Kate asked, her voice measured. “Katherine needs rest. Time away will give that to her. You know that if you’re there with her she’ll feel she ought to be up and about, doing things with you. Doing things _for_ you. For you and for Ellie. And right now she can’t be thinking about anyone but herself. If she’s going to get better, she needs to focus all of her energy on that, not on anyone else.”

“How long,” he choked out, his fists clenched and glued to his sides. 

“I don’t know,” Kate said. “A month?”

“A _month?”_ Jack yelled. “No, Kate, no, that’s not—no!”

“Alright. Just think about it,” Kate said, perfectly calm. “We’ll continue this later. For now, though, it’s nearly eight, so I’ll have the driver take you to work.” Jack opened his mouth to protest, and Kate continued, “I’ll watch Eleanor today. She’ll be just fine. Call to check in on her anytime you like. I’ll have Connie or Edie look after her when I’m over with Katherine, so don’t worry if they’re the ones who answer the phone.” 

Jack worked his mouth like a fish on a hook, unable to find the words he wanted. 

“Go on,” Kate said, motioning him towards the door and calling for Wilson to have the driver pull around front. “I’ll look after your girls today, Jack. I’ll see if I can get Katherine to spend the day here with us, and either way I’ll sound her out about Glen Springs.”

Jack gave Kate an anguished look and braced his hands to his stomach, as if trying to reassure himself that he was still there.

“I’ll see you this evening, Jack,” Kate said gently, shooing him outside and giving him a quick half hug with the arm she wasn’t using to hold Eleanor. “Now go.” 

He stumbled into the car and somehow made it to his office, but losing himself in his artwork, always an old standby, wasn’t working today. After an hour of bouncing his pencil and straightening his pens, he mumbled some twaddle about a reimbursement form to his editor and slipped down a floor to visit Crutchie in accounting. “Crutch,” he said, walking into his friend’s office and slamming the door behind him without so much as a by-your-leave, “I…” Jack gestured aimlessly for a moment before doubling over and yelling into his hands.

“Hey now,” Crutchie said, rising stiffly from his chair and making his way to the other side of his desk. “What is it, Jackie Boy?” He waited for Jack to uncurl and catch his breath before clapping Jack on the back in a reassuring manner and motioning for him to sit down. 

“Kath’s sick,” Jack said, not meeting Crutchie’s eyes. “I dunno if she’s gonna be okay, kid, an’ I…” He growled and rubbed the back of his neck, grimacing at how tight his muscles were. He let his hands flop into his lap and dropped his voice. “I’m real scared. I… I don’t know what to do.”

“Then why are you _here?”_ Crutchie asked, “Get out of here, man, go be with her!” 

“She don’t _want_ me with her,” Jack said, and Crutchie paled at the heartbreak in his friend’s eyes. “I’ll only make it worse.” He shook his head and rolled his shoulders once, then twice. “Kate says maybe she’ll get better at some place Upstate,” he said grimly. “But she’d be all alone up there f’r a month, maybe two, an’ I…” He ground the heels of his hands into his eyes. “I want her _here_ , Crutchie, not somewheres I can’t hold her when she’s cryin’, but I…” He shook his head, trying to sort through his feelings about his wife. 

He loved her; he knew that. There was no doubt of that, and there never would be. Not in any real way. Right now that love was overlaid by the tight ball of anger in his chest over what she’d done to Ellie, though. He didn’t understand it, none of it—how could someone who’d stood by him through so much for so long, who’d faced danger and disapproval and death for him, abandon her own child? _Their_ child? Their _only_ child? She knew, she _knew_ how afraid he was of ending up alone, of being tossed aside like yesterday’s paper, of either of them leaving Eleanor the way his parents had left him, and yet she’d done it anyway. He ground his teeth as the memory of Ellie, crying in an empty room, flashed before his eyes. Katherine had been in the next room when her child had needed her—needed her still, needed her now—and she hadn’t lifted a finger to help.

“Well, what do you think would be best for Katherine? Where would she get the best care?” Crutchie’s voice broke through Jack’s reverie, startling him into looking upwards at Crutchie’s open face.

Jack blinked. “I…” He sighed. “Upstate.” He closed his eyes and rubbed at the bridge of his nose, trying not to cry. “Kate’s gonna talk to her about it today, see what she says… If she says anything at all, that is, ‘cause she sure weren’t talkin’ this mornin’.” Jack tried to laugh, but he just ended up sounding bitter and small. “Crutchie, I…” He hung his head even lower, staring at the patterned parquet floor. “I don’t want this.” 

“I know,” Crutchie said softly, reaching for the handkerchief in the pocket of his pants and offering it to Jack. “But you ain’t gonna do it alone. If Kath does go Upstate, you an’ Ellie’ll stay with us. No,” he said, warding off Jack’s objections. “You will. Between you, me, Rosie, an’ Rosie’s da, we’ll have more’n enough hands ta take good care of Ellie. An’ of _you_ ,” Crutchie added, eyeing the defeated-looking Jack. “An’ if she don’t go Upstate, we’ll still take Ellie some so’s the li’l one don’t catch whatever it is Kath’s got an’ so’s you c’n nurse Kath better.”

“Thanks,” Jack managed, blinking back tears. “I ‘preciate it, kid. A lot.”

“ ‘Course, Jackie,” Crutchie said, ruffling Jack’s hair. “You’s gonna get through this, okay? All three of ya. An’ you’s got a whole army of newsboys on your side ev’ry step of the way.”

 

*

 

Jack tightened the shawl that was draped around Katherine’s shoulders and gave her a gentle kiss on the cheek. “I love you, you know,” he said, keeping his voice steady in an effort to ensure that she wouldn’t feel any guiltier about this than she already did.

She gave him a weak smile and turned her face to the window, effectively telling him to leave.

“For sure,” he added softly, tucking a wisp of hair behind her right ear and trying to memorize the way she looked there in the train compartment, her tangled auburn hair pinned up, her outfit stylish but demure. She didn’t respond, and he disembarked from the train, returning to Kate’s side and taking Eleanor from her arms. “Wave bye to Mommy,” he said, propping Ellie up so she was sitting on one of his arms with her back to his chest, looking out at the world with her wide brown eyes. Eleanor wobbled a little against the arm Jack had braced over her torso and smiled at the train as Jack bounced her up and down. Jack’s heart broke anew as Katherine continued to look past them rather than at them, but he told himself that it wasn’t that she didn’t care anymore, it was just that she was sick, and she was going to get better, and she’d come back and Ellie would have her mother again and he would have his best friend again and everything would be fine…

His breath caught as the train started to move, and Eleanor startled at the sound of the whistle, jerking in his arms and starting to cry. He stared at Katherine through the window, oblivious to the wailing baby in his arms, focused entirely on Katherine, his beautiful Katherine, and on blinking back the tears he felt welling in his eyes. As soon as he thought he was in the clear, though, Katherine unmanned him by turning her head slightly and flicking her eyes to meet his. She looked down at Ellie just a moment later, and as the train chugged away from the station he saw sunlight catching on the tracks of Katherine’s tears. He lost it. He buried his face in Ellie’s strawberry blond fuzz and began to sob, hoping Katherine was far enough away that she couldn’t see him as he cried himself out on the platform.

 

*

_May 17, 1909_

_Dear Ace,_

_Forever and always. No matter what. I promise._

_Love, Jack_

_May 19, 1909_

_Dear Ace,_

_I love you, I love you, I love you._

_Your Jack_

_May 21, 1909_

_Dear Ace,_

_Jonah 2:1-6._

_I love you._

_May 23, 1909_

_Dear Ace,_

_Doubt thou the stars are fire, Doubt that the sun doth move, Doubt truth to be a liar, But never doubt I love. (Hamlet Act 2, Scene 2)_

_Your Jack_

_May 25, 1909_

_Dear Ace,_

_Isaiah 43:2. And I will be with you, too._

_Love, Jack_

_May 27, 1909_

_Dear Ace,_

_Kate says they have an orchestra there. Ask for the Méditation from Thaïs._

_Your Jack_

_May 29, 1909_

_Dear Ace,_

_Oh, how I love you._

_Your Jack_

_May 31, 1909_

_Dear Ace,_

_Take your time, my darling. I’d give you the world if I could, but I can’t, so take this time instead. As much as you need. As much as you want. I love you._

_Jack_

_June 2, 1909_

_Dear Ace,_

_1 Corinthians 13:4-8_

_Your Jack_

_June 4, 1909_

_Dear Ace,_

_Be kind to my Katherine. I love her._

_Your Jack_

_June 6, 1909_

_Best beloved,_

_My dear one_

_Oh, how I love you._

_Jack_

_June 8, 1909_

_Dear Ace,_

_I had to draw an illustration of the Waldorf-Astoria today. It was a front view, but on the back of the page I drew a fire escape. I love you._

_Jack_

_June 10, 1909_

_Dear Ace,_

_If you want me to stop writing, I will. I don’t ever want to hurt you. Tell me what you need, macushla. Please._

_Love, Jack_

_June 12, 1909_

_Dear Ace,_

_Maybe I should stop. I’ll stop. Is that what you want? I’ll stop until I hear otherwise. You need time away; I need to let you be away. As far as you want. As long as you want. I love you. For sure._

_Forever your Jack_

_June 10, 1909_

_Dearest Jack,_

_Thank you. Thank you for this gift of time. For the music. For the poetry. For your love. For our child. How is she?_

_Forever and always your Ace_

_June 13, 1909_

_Katherine, my love—_

_Eleanor is well. I love you. The midwife is pleased with how she’s growing. I love you. Medda takes her for walks on Monday afternoons, and between your Pulitzer family and our newsie family, she is hardly ever home and hardly ever indoors. I love you. She can hold her head steady now, and plenty of things make her smile, but she has yet to laugh. I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you._

_Your Jack_

_June 16, 1909_

_My brave, beautiful boy,_

_I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I promised never to leave you, and I did. I don’t know why. I can’t explain it. I felt like I was tied to a rock at the bottom of the ocean, and even though I could see you and Eleanor up at the surface, playing on the sand, and even though I knew that’s where I should be, too—in the sun with you, with both of you—I didn’t know how to get there. Drowning seemed logical. Better, even. There are so many other people who love Eleanor dearly, who adore her, who light up at the sight of her, and I knew I was a monster for not feeling the same. I wanted to. I wished I did. I knew I should. And yet… I didn’t. I tried to, but I failed. I failed, and I hated myself for my failure, for being broken, for being unable to fulfill the most basic duties of motherhood. Love. Joy. Home. I didn’t know how to give those to Eleanor, nor did I see how I’d ever learn. Isn’t knowing how to be a mother something innate? Isn’t it something instinctive? “A mother knows,” they say, and yet I didn’t. And so I began to crumble. Slowly at first, then ever faster. Because a child deserves better than a broken mother. A husband deserves better than a broken wife. Better none at all, I thought, than one who hurts instead of heals, who hinders instead of helps._

_But I think I was wrong. I see that now. I couldn’t before; I was so deep underwater that everything was muffled and filtered and far, far away. Even when I was in your arms, I felt like there were worlds between us. And Eleanor… Eleanor was something beyond my ken. I couldn’t reach her. I couldn’t understand her. It seemed that no matter what I did, I was never good enough, that I never could be good enough, and, worst of all, that she would never love me. It sounds silly now, I suppose, but it was very real then._

_Oddly enough, now that I really am far, far away, I think I can see you two better than I could before. I think I can see how hard we were both trying, and how even though we both meant well, neither of us knew how to keep me from slipping further away. I think I can see how the way I felt about Eleanor—or, rather, how the way I didn’t feel anything at all—wasn’t because of anything Eleanor did or didn’t do. And it wasn’t because I wasn’t good enough. It was just… well, it just **was**. I don’t know what we could have done differently. I don’t know how we could have stopped it. Maybe it was too much all at once? Maybe if I’d said something sooner? Maybe, maybe, maybe. _

_But I love you, Jack. I love you. I’m still tired, but it’s as if I’m starting to step out into spring. I’m not so numb anymore, things aren’t so gray, and… Oh, Jack, I love you. I love you, and I love Eleanor. Do you believe me? Can you believe me? Can you forgive me? I am afraid to write that last question, but I think that the fact that I am scared to write it means that I have to do so._

_I miss you, dear heart. I miss you and our sweet little girl and our cat and our apartment, I miss Charlie and Rosie and baby Daniel, I miss the stink of the city streets and the sirens at night. I miss you, my love. I miss you, I miss you, I miss you._

_I’ll be home soon._

_All my love, always and forever. For sure._

_Your Katherine_

*

**June 1909**

Jack insisted on going to the station alone with Eleanor. He understood why Crutchie and Rosie and Davey and, well, and everyone wanted to come. He understood why every last Pulitzer wanted to be there. But he talked to Kate, and, once she’d given him a tight hug, she promised she’d take care of it.

And so it was just Jack and Eleanor who welcomed Katherine back. Jack had bought another pram for Ellie, and they’d had a nice walk over here, but he’d long since hefted her into his arms in order to calm his own nerves as they waited for the train to arrive. “Mommy’s going to be here soon,” he said softly to Eleanor, bouncing on the balls of his feet. “Mommy’s coming home, Bunny. We’s gonna be a family again, you an’ me an’ Mommy an’ Mitzi, an’ this time ain’t nothin’ gonna pull us apart. Not ever.” Ellie wobbled a little in Jack’s arms as she looked around the station, taking in the noise and the smoke and the smell of coal. 

Jack clapped her head against his chest and covered her ears as best he could as Katherine’s train pulled into the station, whistling merrily away. “She’s here, baby,” he said, knowing Ellie would hear the vibrations of his voice. “Mommy’s here, Ellie-girl.” He felt his mouth go dry and his heart began to race as person after person filed off of the train.

“Jack!” A familiar voice called from his right, and he whirled around to see Katherine, bright and brilliant Katherine, running down the platform towards him, her travel valise slipping from her hands and falling unnoticed to the ground. 

“Katherine,” he breathed, suddenly finding himself unable to move. His eyes filled with tears even as he beamed at her, and he hugged Eleanor close, not quite believing this was real.

“Ellie!” She called, her face shining, and Eleanor turned towards the sound, kicking her legs against Jack’s stomach. 

“You’re home,” he whispered, too softly for Katherine to hear, but in moments she was there, and she’d flung her arms around him and their baby, and she was laughing into his chest and stretching up to kiss his forehead and tugging Ellie from his arms and giving their daughter a thousand kisses all over her round little face.

“I missed you so much,” she said, squeezing Eleanor tight and smoothing her hand over her daughter’s short ringlets. Ellie turned her face shyly into Katherine’s chest, and then both of them looked up at Jack. He smiled at them, his dark-eyed girls, and reached to stroke Katherine’s cheek. “Thank you, Jack,” she said softly. “For your forgiveness. For your love. For being you.”

“I love you, Ace,” he said, cupping her chin in his hand. “Welcome back.” He held her gaze and swore to himself that this time would be different, that things would be better, that he'd never let Katherine sink so low again. "You're well?" He asked. "You're home?"

“I am,” she said, her face alight with happiness. “For good.”

“Kiss me,” he said, his voice breaking, and she did, their lips meeting just in front of Ellie’s wide eyes. Eleanor watched for a second, puzzled, and then she giggled, thoroughly amused. Jack pulled away almost immediately and stared at Ellie. “Katherine,” he said, startled, “Katherine, that—that was her first laugh.” He locked eyes with Katherine and grinned from ear to ear, slinging one arm around his wife's shoulders. 

“It was?” Katherine said, her jaw dropping as she turned to look at the chubby baby in her arms. “Really?” Jack nodded, and Katherine laughed, too, a delighted peal that made Jack's stomach flip. Katherine kissed Eleanor's forehead and asked, “Was that your first laugh, muffin? Hmm?” She tickled Ellie’s stomach, and Eleanor squealed and giggled, flapping her arms in delight. “Oh, Jack,” Katherine said, turning back to him and kissing him on the chin. “I _love_ her. And I love you, too.” She cast an absolutely smitten look at her daughter, who was bouncing up and down and flashing a smile that was all Jack. Katherine's heart was so full she thought it might burst, and so she pressed herself into his arms, breathing in his scent and melting at how he made her feel utterly, completely safe. “Oh, Jack,” she said, closing her eyes and leaning her forehead to Ellie’s. “I’m so happy to be home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Glen Springs was real. [Here's the text](http://nyfalls.com/waterfalls/watkins-glen/glen-springs-1903/) from a 1903 brochure for the place. (There is sometimes a pop up video ad with sound on the page, just FYI.)
> 
> Oh and in case you were wondering, the three word outline I had for this chapter was "bonding with baby." And so, kiddos, that is how we got here. ;)
> 
> Welllllllll there we are, folks! The promised baby fic is now complete, and I know it was *not* what you wanted or imagined, but... I hope you liked it anyway. :) Fingers crossed that your trust was not misplaced and that you are satisfied with the ending! <3


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